old loves

just want some opinions first:

  1. do you think about past loves now that you are married… (for me never)
  2. is it ever ok to contact a past love (for me no)

My husband apparently thinks its ok and I am very mad. Do I have a right to be mad? I think I do.

He has tried to meet up with an old flame. I think he has no buisness even thinking of her let alone suggest a meet up to go over old times…
I am very upset. We have been married for 15 years.

How should I react to this? forgive forget and move on or make a big deal? In my opinion this is a big deal.

My opinion:

  1. Depends on what they’re thinking about

  2. Yes, but again, there should be restrictions

As your husband, if he is doing something that makes you uncomfortable and he knows it, then he shouldn’t be doing it without good reason. Personally, I think you have right to be upset given that he wants to meet up. It’s one thing to keep in contact online, but it’s another to regularly talk on the phone or meet up. Have you told him that this upsets you?

it doesn’t matter what we think or do.

What matters is that it bothers YOU. You two need to communicate about this issue and seek counseling if you are unable to resolve it.

  1. No
  2. It is not ok unless my spouse consents. For instance, it might be ok if I need to make a 12 step program type amends, but again only if my spouse agrees. But to just make contact to renew a ‘friendship’ is not acceptable.

It is natural for you to be mad because he is crossing a serious boundary. If it were me, I would make a big deal of it because it is a big deal.


Have you talked about it with him?

Sometimes I think about past loves, but I don’t dwell on them. I have a couple of them on my facebook (these friends are going back almost two decades). When I see them post some of their nonsense, it hits home as to why we didn’t work out. :stuck_out_tongue: But dwelling on the memories, no. I think there would be a problem if I were doing that.

Contacting a past love, for the sheer sake of rehashing memories or waxing nostalgic? No. I wouldn’t do that nor would I feel comfortable with my husband doing that. There’s no real purpose in it.

I hope you can get it through to your husband that this is making you uncomfortable. This is important. :slight_smile:

  1. Yes, sometimes

  2. Yes, whether in writing, by phone or in person. It is very useful, because it reminds you why you did not marry that person!

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