I’m a 40-something year old Mom to 4 kids (13, 13, 13 & 18); married for almost 20 years and I don’t work outside the home. I’m the youngest of five children with one brother living in CA, one sister about 20 minutes away and another sister in CT. I’m in NY, so CT is about 30 minutes away with a ferry ride. My oldest brother passed away near 20 years ago; as my Dad did 20+ years ago.
So, with that background, here’s my situation/problem. My Mom (77) is about 15 minutes away, lives independently in an apartment complex, but has a laundry list of health issues: Parkinson’s, epilepsy, small-cell cancer (in remission now), is frail and has osteoporosis.
I’ve basically fallen into the caregiver role; driving and taking her to appointments for Drs, shopping, etc., cleaning, laundry, whatever I can do to help out. I really feel I need to be at Dr appointments, as she tends to forget certain things or needs clarification.
Over the past few years; especially after her cancer dx and surgery for a lobectomy, I saw clearly that my siblings have basically dumped everything that has to do with Mom into my lap. I’m the first to admit that Mom is not a pleasant person to be around–everything is negative, she is moody, she can be very demanding and self-absorbed. But, I felt really let down by my sibs and, yes, hurt personally and I let them know it. I may as well have been talking to a pile of bricks.
This is the situation now. A few weeks back, Mom fell in her bedroom and I found her the next morning when she wouldn’t answer her phone. She sustained a shattered humerus and had surgery and is now in a rehab facility. This is going to be a long recovery. My personal feelings are that she needs to get into some sort of a assisted living facility, anything, but not live on her own. Living with me is not an option. This is where my problem lies…
I am trying my best to do the right things here, to be loving, patient and respectful as possible (she’s taken negativity and nastiness to new heights). I am trying my best to be a good daughter and to honor her feelings and her decisions, but there is no way that I can have her live in my home because emotionally and physically, I can’t meet her needs.
She has always stated that she will never go into “one of those places”. She always looks for me to take care of the next crisis and I just can’t do it anymore. My family suffers because I get angry and I suffer–worrying, dwelling and waiting for the next crisis.
How do I follow Christ’s teachings of patience, of love and not lose my mind in the process? Can anyone relate to this situation?