On handling insults of the faith from wedding invitees


#21

[quote="Joe_5859, post:20, topic:194903"]
Have you ever looked at Lamebook.com? Some of the language is rather raw, but they collect humorous Facebook postings. One of them was of a teenage daughter who posted for her status that the party was at her house on Saturday. Then her mom commented "Did you forget that I was your friend on Facebook? By the way, everyone, the party is cancelled."

[/quote]

And I bet the daughter was spending the weekend "away with her aunt" (grounded and incommunicado). :p

Anyway, your comment reminded me of that. :o

:)


#22

[quote="joandarc2008, post:19, topic:194903"]
BTW- spencerian congrats on your upcoming nuptials. Joan of Arc is also my Patron Saint. Just as a nice touch to your wedding and something to make it a bit more Catholic with the Big C we asked our Priest to add our Patron Saints names in the Prayer Intentions - he was a little suprised as most couples I guess never think of it and our Saints usually don't lend themselves to marriage causes. But I will tell you something- later on during times of strife when we asked our Saints to intercede I think they remembered that we remembered them. ;)

[/quote]

St. Joan of Arc is not only my patron saint, but my parish, too. :) Adding my two personal saints, Jeanne d'Arc and a little-known one named Paschal Beylon...that's a nice idea. Thanks.


#23

I’m a computer technician by trade and long-time user of computer technology. It still surprises me how people forget who and what they are on the internet.

The rare look on Lamebook does require me to wash my mind out with soap, yes, but it is a perfect example of people’s disconnect between the medium and the message.


#24

Yes, I just took a second look at the site. It is definitely much more “raw” than I realized. Sorry about that. :blush: (going to wash out my mind with soap now! :o)


#25

I think I have a slightly different take on this situation. The problem isn't that people hold these opinions (although it would be nice if we all agreed and followed the Church's teaching), the real problem is that Facebook pretty much encourages mental diahrrea, the outpouring of thoughts irregardless of their value. I'm sure there were plenty of people at my wedding who had some harsh opinions about the Catholic Church, but I wasn't aware of them because Facebook wasn't popular back then. I think if I were in your situation I would just unfriend those people making comments or set your options to block them from appearing in your news feed so that you're not exposed to their comments. People are entitled to their opinions, but you don't have to read them. They still want to celebrate your wedding with you whether or not they think priests are scum bags. Inviting them into the church on your wedding day may give them a glimpse at Catholicism they've never experienced before and may turn their hearts.


#26

A good insight. There are friends and family in our invitees with same-sex attractions. While my fiancee is sure that inviting them would make her parents irate, we both agree that these people cannot find the truth they need if they were not invited to come to Church with warmth and openness (albeit not tolerance), and thus be more willing to hear and see what they need to see.


#27

[quote="samovila, post:25, topic:194903"]
I think I have a slightly different take on this situation. The problem isn't that people hold these opinions (although it would be nice if we all agreed and followed the Church's teaching), the real problem is that Facebook pretty much encourages mental diahrrea, the outpouring of thoughts irregardless of their value. I'm sure there were plenty of people at my wedding who had some harsh opinions about the Catholic Church, but I wasn't aware of them because Facebook wasn't popular back then. I think if I were in your situation I would just unfriend those people making comments or set your options to block them from appearing in your news feed so that you're not exposed to their comments. People are entitled to their opinions, but you don't have to read them. They still want to celebrate your wedding with you whether or not they think priests are scum bags. Inviting them into the church on your wedding day may give them a glimpse at Catholicism they've never experienced before and may turn their hearts.

[/quote]

Yeah, I was just sitting here thinking back on my own wedding and wondering if anyone that attended might have posted rude comments if Facebook had existed back then (gee a mere 12 years, how much has changed). I'd just block them or unfriend them on Facebook right now. I can only imagine that things are starting to get emotionally charged already as your wedding quickly approaches. I don't know how much you really want to continue to add to the stress of it all by even continuing to read any of that online. I personally wouldn't make it a huge issue right now and start uninviting people for their ignorant comments. That can get into such a tangled mess if other guests not participating in the comments get wind of it and get involved when they want to ask why so and so isn't coming and then they may not understand and not come and it can just snowball. At one point these people meant something to you, they may again after this situation loses some of its intensity. You may never know whether you may be planting a seed for someone to enter the Church if you treat this whole situation with as much charity as you can.


#28

and hopefully, and I am quite, sure they are not posting on facebook attacking you, your family and your beliefs, any more than you would dream of posting something offensive to them


#29

My three bridesmaids were a Protestant (Evangelical type), a Buddhist (whose wedding I was maid of honor in), and a Lutheran. The three groomsman were tw non-practicing Catholics and a whatever (my brother). I never saw a single attack on religion even now. Most of us just post positive things about our own Faiths (the ones that believe that is and practice). I think just like people that put down other people you have to be on unsure ground in your own walk with God to go attacking the Churches of others.


#30

Thanks to everyone for their insights.

[LIST]
*]I’ll develop thicker skin and not concern myself with FB posts that are not on my wall or wedding group page.
*]I will deal with anti-Catholic or uncharitable comments…well, charitably.
*]We will likely make a charitable comment on the faith, scandal and how faith perseveres despite it all on our group page, something I planned to do as part of a help series for our non-Catholic friends to understand what it means to be a Catholic and to get married.
*]If absolutely necessary, we might invoke the “Puzzleannie Doctrine” for outspoken people. :slight_smile: My fiancee is confident that we haven’t any friends brazen enough for this last resort.
[/LIST]


#31

[quote="Spencerian, post:30, topic:194903"]
If absolutely necessary, we might invoke the "Puzzleannie Doctrine" for outspoken people. :) My fiancee is confident that we haven't any friends brazen enough for this last resort.

[/quote]

the good thing about FB, I understand, is that it allows you to instantly "unfriend" such people. i like it.


#32

[quote="puzzleannie, post:31, topic:194903"]
the good thing about FB, I understand, is that it allows you to instantly "unfriend" such people. i like it.

[/quote]

I'm an introvert by nature, so the nature of Facebook itself is rather artificial. The ability to say 'You're not my friend" with a mouse click is darkly falsifying and trivializing the nature of friendship, however.

I know some people with over 400 people in their "friends" list. How can one really *know **that many people, *seriously? I mean, remember their birthdays, see them at least once every year or so? Go out to dinner and meet with other mutual friends?

Facebook is a great way to reunite with people you've not seen, but it brings really only one commonality between people who you may have known for just minutes in real-time:

The fact that both of you are on Facebook. :confused:


#33

Pray for them, remain truthful and charitable.


#34

Maybe you could put up an article, on your wall, about the problem being with 10% or whatever the figure is.

Looked it up … 1-2%? … Did you know that on Facebook you can follow many different Catholic Facebook pages, maybe one’s own Parish, Catholic Digest, which has good articles posted about marriage, of course, Catholic News might have some articles about the Priest crisis but it works well, etc. I think your so-called friends were rather insulting, and, on second thoughts, perhaps they are envious; as if they just found out that you are Catholic from the invite, or that they just found out that you can’t be pulled away from your Faith. Wrong to make guesses, perhaps.

The experience of posting at Catholic Answers should be helpful to deal with these Facebook posts!


#35

[quote="ohioszo, post:34, topic:194903"]
Looked it up ... 1-2%? ... Did you know that on Facebook you can follow many different Catholic Facebook pages, maybe one's own Parish, Catholic Digest, which has good articles posted about marriage, of course, Catholic News might have some articles about the Priest crisis but it works well, etc. I think your so-called friends were rather insulting, and, on second thoughts, perhaps they are envious; as if they just found out that you are Catholic from the invite, or that they just found out that you can't be pulled away from your Faith. Wrong to make guesses, perhaps.

The experience of posting at Catholic Answers should be helpful to deal with these Facebook posts!

[/quote]

Thanks. The problem isn't so much that many of our invitees aren't aware that we're Catholic (many are family or close friends) but the nature of Facebook and the internet makes a few of them quite willing to say very disingenuous things about the faith, much from misconceptions and hearsay. It's rather thoughtless of them, but as I've learned in this thread, it's not a directed attack at me or my fiancee if it's not on my wall or the private page. It's just thoughtless.

And I will forgive them for that. I guess I should rejoice of being worthy to have my name dishonored for the sake of the name of our Lord (Acts 5:27-41).


#36

I think that Facebook is the wrong instrument to invite people to your wedding. Your marriage is a solemn convenant between you, your wife and in the presence of God. Your friends are being invited to share and witness this important event.

All they have to do is to love and respect you both. This is not a forum for discussion, it is a landmark in your life and a comittment ceremony bar none.

We had some problems at our wedding because of “so called freinds” who were uninvited as a result of some very hurtful behavior. They tried to block the entrance to the church with cars, so my wife could not come in.

Did that hurt on the day. Yes. Did it spoil the day. No. Bottom line, they were not friends in the first place.

There is a little that’s more emotional than planning and executing a wedding, but once love and respect are out of the picture (on both sides), it’s better to leave them out of this important day.

Please God give you good direction on this one …


#37

[quote="Onedayatatime, post:36, topic:194903"]
I think that Facebook is the wrong instrument to invite people to your wedding. Your marriage is a solemn convenant between you, your wife and in the presence of God. Your friends are being invited to share and witness this important event.

All they have to do is to love and respect you both. This is not a forum for discussion, it is a landmark in your life and a comittment ceremony bar none.

We had some problems at our wedding because of "so called freinds" who were uninvited as a result of some very hurtful behavior. They tried to block the entrance to the church with cars, so my wife could not come in.

Did that hurt on the day. Yes. Did it spoil the day. No. Bottom line, they were not friends in the first place.

There is a little that's more emotional than planning and executing a wedding, but once love and respect are out of the picture (on both sides), it's better to leave them out of this important day.

Please God give you good direction on this one ....

[/quote]

Hi. Thanks for your comments.

Facebook is being used just as email or regular mail or phone calls are used to easier, instant communication with invitees, making important changes to scheduling or general information about the wedding easier to distribute. It is not the means *to the invitation process *per se, which is still being handled traditionally by mail.

My concerns (now settled, thanks to others who have posted their thoughts) were in friends who chatted with others on their misunderstood views of the Church on areas of Facebook of which aren't part of my immediate influence.

Based on your experience, such behaviors are not limited to the online variety. My goal has been for people to realize that, no matter how they communicate, charitable consideration for your friends and their feelings should guide your communication, even if they aren't directly addressing the parties of which are members of that faith.

That might take some time. The results of what I have read of other's discussions about the Church will shape our invites to other events and communication in the future, for I am not fond of friends who aren't honest in their charitableness.


#38

Facebook and twitter and such do contribute to the breakdown of manners and polite society!!


#39

[quote="kage_ar, post:38, topic:194903"]
Facebook and twitter and such do contribute to the breakdown of manners and polite society!!

[/quote]

So do internet message boards. :p ;) :D


#40

No, I think that destruction was happening long before Facebook and Twitter. The problem is no one teaches children how to be polite and have manners anymore. Nor are they taught how to be selfless rather than selfish. And then they ‘grow up’ to continue to be rude and self centered.


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