On how to do it right


#1

I was wondering if someone could help me with something. Alright one of these days I would like to get married and have kids and I was wondering if anyone knew of any books or anything of that nature that tells a guy to go about those roles correctly? You know how to be a good husband and father, how to smooth marital/parental problems over if they should arise ect. Thanks for any help one could extend.


#2

I am not as familiar with literature on Catholic fatherhood as I should be, but I feel confident in recommending a general search for papal encyclicals on fatherhood, the family, etc. Also, many books published by places like Roman Catholic Books, Neumann Press, TAN Publishing and others give the traditional role.

As I type this, I realize that there is one book that could be instrumental. I think it is called the “Young Man’s Guide” At any rate, it was written by Father Francis Xavier Lasance around 1900.


#3

Hi Montie! :wave:

My parents gave Steve Wood’s book The ABC’s of Choosing a Good Wife to my boyfriend when we started courting. I also read it because I wanted to know what you guys are looking for. :wink: It was every bit as good as the one he wrote on choosing a husband. :smiley:

You can find it at online Catholic suppliers like Aquinas and More.

God bless,

Marian84


#4

Not a Catholic source, but I have found Dr.Laura’s books extremely helpful. You might want to check out:

  1. Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives

  2. Ten Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Lives

  3. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (written for women but gives men great insight into how a marriage should work).

That’s my 2 cent contribution!

(If you borrow books from the library then you can read everything suggested to you without having to spend tons of $$$)

Malia


#5

An excellent book that I would recommend to any man (or woman) in or out of a serious relationship is:

“The Exclamation: The Wise Choice of a Spouse for Catholic Marriage” by Patricia A .Wrona, available on Amazon.com

It is a wonderful guide to discerning one’s vocation, and to discerning whether or not one is called to marriage with a particular person.

I have seen quite a few books on this topic, and this one is the best.


#6

Theology of the Body for Beginners, by Christopher West, distills Pope JP2’s beautiful teaching on marriage, family and sexuality.


#7

I just wanted to post that as a single woman - its really great to see that there are some guys left that take these kinds of things seriously :slight_smile:


#8

I don’t know what the youth group is like in your area but one of the best things I did for my wife (before I knew her) was to study the Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon, depending on the translation) in a Bible study setting with our youth pastor and his wife. It was in a mixed group 9-12th grade and I learned so much from that. The key is having a good mature group who really want to know what God wants for them in their relationships. Although we did spend some time on the physical aspects of relationships a lot of the time we spent was learning the differences and what makes us a Godly mate.

Again this is something that you want to be doing in a small mixed group (no more than 16). And make sure that the person leading the discussion is solid in their faith. I would say that if there is not a Catholic group there might be a Protestant/Anabaptist group that would be a good source. I am of course biased but other than NFP I don’t think you are going to get anything that you wouldn’t get at a Catholic group. Again that is what I have experienced and if you don’t know anyone you would feel comfortable meeting with this might not be an option, but if you do have a group like this I HIGHLY recommend it.


#9

I suggest “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu.

Before you assume they’re cute little balls of innocence, imagine a creature ten times their size with the will of an infant or toddler. Only their small size keeps them from killing us all, and it is essential we keep them from ever finding out.


#10

[quote=Montie Claunch]I was wondering if someone could help me with something. Alright one of these days I would like to get married and have kids and I was wondering if anyone knew of any books or anything of that nature that tells a guy to go about those roles correctly? You know how to be a good husband and father, how to smooth marital/parental problems over if they should arise ect. Thanks for any help one could extend.
[/quote]

Go to www.dads.org for many great resources.

Books:

Three To Get Married
For Better… Forever


#11

Prayer, Prayer and more Prayer.

My favourite husband and father role models (fiction) can be found in the book Pierced by a Sword by Bud MacFarlane jr. I really fell in love with those guys and want men like that for my daughters - and want my sons to be like them as well.

I have read that book three or four times and I only discovered it about 6 years ago. It is how all Catholics should live IMHO.

Available from St Jude Media www.catholicity.com


#12

Alright, Thank you for the suggestions. I have to ask though, do these books help with how to really teach and raise ones children in the faith? I would think that it would be just heartbreaking for ones kids to lapse from the faith. So I would really like to know how to bring my (future) children up in the faith (in more than a nominal going through the motions way). Again thank you. This means a whole lot to me.


#13

[quote=Feanaro’s Wife]Not a Catholic source, but I have found Dr.Laura’s books extremely helpful. You might want to check out:

  1. Ten Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives

  2. Ten Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Lives

  3. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (written for women but gives men great insight into how a marriage should work).

That’s my 2 cent contribution!

(If you borrow books from the library then you can read everything suggested to you without having to spend tons of $$$)

Malia
[/quote]

Some of these books are great! If you wanted to talk on this matter, unfortunately I could give you advise on what not to do


#14

[quote=Anna’s Mom]Some of these books are great! If you wanted to talk on this matter, unfortunately I could give you advise on what not to do
[/quote]

Well I would think that What not to do is just as important as what to do. So please and thanks you. :o


#15

[quote=Montie Claunch]Alright, Thank you for the suggestions. I have to ask though, do these books help with how to really teach and raise ones children in the faith? I would think that it would be just heartbreaking for ones kids to lapse from the faith. So I would really like to know how to bring my (future) children up in the faith (in more than a nominal going through the motions way). Again thank you. This means a whole lot to me.
[/quote]

This reminds me of advice I heard on how to learn a language:

Resolve to make one million mistakes. If you are too afraid to make a mistake, you’ll avoid the doing that you’re supposed to be doing. Do what you are called to do, and resolve that even if you fall a million times, you will let God take your hand and get you back up again.

The best way to teach faith is to have faith, practice your faith, love your faith. If there is something you think your children should do or avoid doing, then start today to do the good and avoid the evil yourself. Follow the commandment to love in the way that St. Paul councils: with patience, kindness, self-sacrifice, civility, hope, and so on. Faith that is not lived will die on the vine.

What is the most common command in the Bible? Be not afraid. Do not go through the experience of parenting worried about you or your child committing a misstep. It is going to happen. Rather, parent faithfully with joy, praise, and thanksgiving. As long as you are faithful, God will always catch you when you fall.

Put this in God’s hands, now and always. If you do this, and your children lapse in their faith, He will be there to support you until they come back. As Mother Theresa said, “God does not call me to be successful. He calls me to be faithful.” Be faithful, and trust in God to take care of the success.

Live that, and your children will learn that they can trust God, and trust you, too, to love them unconditionally and challenge them unceasingly.


#16

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