On verge of divorce - need non secular advice


#21

thank you for making me feel so welcome, joandarc and making me chuckle about your son and his wife daeve :) the reason why i posted is just that after 4 years of being diagnosed, everyone i personally speak to has very sad and negative stories about the bipolar people they know- it is a mental illness and should not be taken ignorantly but please! i want to hear the good stories along with the bad! i know any mental illness can cause much grief, i just feel like i NEVER hear anything positive. thank you for sharing your story daeve. i am happy to hear your son is functioning, i've prayed intermittedly for my future husband since high school so i know if God has someone in store for me he will love me as i am. i am sorry about your mom, i have never hear of that myself?

to the OP, i don't want to deviate from your plea. if your hubby has schizophrenia, he does need professional assistance badly. it is unfortunate his family doesn't come to terms with this. know you cannot help him. he can hardly help himself if he is, especially during episodes. he needs to take responsibility (if he is capable) just keep praying for him. you are a strong woman to write about your situation and seem to be handeling it as best you can. keep persevering.


#22

I would highly recommend Retrouvaille. Catholic based. For couples who are already separated or close to it. All things possible through GOD. This program really works as long as both partners are willing to participate. You can find more information online.


#23

Thank you all for your honest replies. Things are still in the air as of today. He is still in his home country and I don’t believe he knew he was schizophrenic until recently. He lied about everything else though. It is remarkable to see everyone on here agreeing on something lol! I have been reading in schizophrenia forums to learn how they function in marriage and as parents, there are a lot of programs available to help people in this situation to learn to live with and manage this disease. There are many schizophrenia adults who are married and are parents and they are making it work.

We have considered Retrouvaille. We even started the registration process prior to one of his episodes. There are so many things to consider here. I have found a therapist on catholictherapists.com that is near to me. I think my best option now is to go speak with them (I have an appointment already) and try to sort these things out. Although I can’t save him, I owe it to the kids and myself to make absolutely sure I’m making the right choice here for all of our sakes. A program like Retrouvaille or any other marriage counseling program wouldn’t really help us right now because he’s not capable of receiving help. He has to be stabilized and I don’t see evidence of that happening.

I spoke with him today and despite taking the medication regularly (I have someone there making sure and confirming he’s taking it) he is starting to go into a psychotic episode again. That takes the choice out of my hands. He will not be allowed to fly in that condition. Which is a blessing really, I will no longer have a choice in the matter. I have left this in God’s hands. I am his instrument, if he chooses to use me to help my husband, I will. If he chooses for me to let him go, I will. Or if there is another way the Lord wishes us to take, I will walk that path trusting His judgment.

And psalm… I’m sorry you are struggling with a mental illness, that has to be very difficult for you. God bless you for taking responsibility and making sure you are healthy. I wish you well!


#24

she is way way past this stage and as wonderful as this program is it does not address mental illness and OP’s concerns are far beyond the competence of anyone here. She needs a lawyer, priest and CAtholic counsellor in that order. Yesterday, if she waits, cop will move to no. 1.


#25

Or a private detective with international clearance and a friend in the State department. This situation has a lot of gravity to it and for the safety and security of her children she needs to safeguard them and then worry about the rest after. One can always remarry if he comes out of this. If not the children cannot be saved from irreparable damage.


#26

thank you!! btw, just said a prayer for you :slight_smile:


#27

Also since when you started you asked for God-centered advice I thought I would put some in from the CCC:

On divorce in your situation:

2383 The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.176

If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

On your responsibility as a parent:

2222 Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons. Showing themselves obedient to the will of the Father in heaven, they educate their children to fulfill God's law.

2223 Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children. They bear witness to this responsibility first by creating a home where tenderness, forgiveness, respect, fidelity, and disinterested service are the rule. The home is well suited for education in the virtues. This requires an apprenticeship in self-denial, sound judgment, and self-mastery - the preconditions of all true freedom. Parents should teach their children to subordinate the "material and instinctual dimensions to interior and spiritual ones."31 Parents have a grave responsibility to give good example to their children. By knowing how to acknowledge their own failings to their children, parents will be better able to guide and correct them:

He who loves his son will not spare the rod. . . . He who disciplines his son will profit by him.32
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.33

2224 The home is the natural environment for initiating a human being into solidarity and communal responsibilities. Parents should teach children to avoid the compromising and degrading influences which threaten human societies.

2225 Through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children. Parents should initiate their children at an early age into the mysteries of the faith of which they are the "first heralds" for their children. They should associate them from their tenderest years with the life of the Church.34 A wholesome family life can foster interior dispositions that are a genuine preparation for a living faith and remain a support for it throughout one's life.

2226 Education in the faith by the parents should begin in the child's earliest years. This already happens when family members help one another to grow in faith by the witness of a Christian life in keeping with the Gospel. Family catechesis precedes, accompanies, and enriches other forms of instruction in the faith. Parents have the mission of teaching their children to pray and to discover their vocation as children of God.35 The parish is the Eucharistic community and the heart of the liturgical life of Christian families; it is a privileged place for the catechesis of children and parents.

2227 Children in turn contribute to the growth in holiness of their parents.36 Each and everyone should be generous and tireless in forgiving one another for offenses, quarrels, injustices, and neglect. Mutual affection suggests this. The charity of Christ demands it.37

2228 Parents' respect and affection are expressed by the care and attention they devote to bringing up their young children and providing for their* physical and spiritual needs*. As the children grow up, the same respect and devotion lead parents to educate them in the right use of their reason and freedom.

2229 As those first responsible for the education of their children, parents have the right to choose a school for them which corresponds to their own convictions. This right is fundamental. As far as possible parents have the duty of choosing schools that will best help them in their task as Christian educators.38 Public authorities have the duty of guaranteeing this parental right and of ensuring the concrete conditions for its exercise.

BTW- the parts I wanted to point out in the second part were already italicized - I didn't do that - I just copied the original formatting- God sometimes knows exactly what we need to see before we do.

Still praying for you and your children


#28

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