Once An Alcoholic, Always An Alcoholic?


#21

As a sober Alcholic since 1990. I would not want to take a risk at possible ever going back to the hell that is drinking. I have much to much to risk. I have a family and a husband and a home and I am happy. The personality problem is one that must be worked on for the rest of my life. It is the cross I must carry. It may be one of my own making but it is there. My biggest regret is that I can’t receive the blood of Christ in the Eucharist.


#22

[quote=Philena]I agree that there is such as thing as an addictive personality type. Because addiction is a part of the personality, I believe that it is true “once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.” I’ve been in relationships with addictive people, and if it is not alcohol, then it’s the Internet, or tennis, or work, or sex, or something else.
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Yes I know full well. My first boyfriend, before my H was an A. He just transferrred all his addictions to other things, and as I saw it he was, still just as screwed up. His addictions just were transferred, as you say to other things. :frowning: I didn’t and still don’t really quite understand it, even as I type this. He was just too obsessive/compulsive with me, and totally and completely possessive, almost to the point of being scary, which lead, ultimately to our break up. Although I have thought of him with such fondness my whole married life. :confused: I asked him to come to church, tried to “witness”, etc., like I have with one of my relatives in the same boat, they want no part of it. Still, I can’t help wondering even now, 17 years later and a married woman, if I gave up the real love of my life, because he was an alcoholic. This has been most hard for me. He had so many wonderful traits, a go-getter, a professional man, passionate beyond belief, he adored and appreciated me, and I respected him so much, (besides this of course). I can say, he was so much more of a man than my current H. I wonder if I made a mistake. He is a very successful attorney now, never married so I have heard, also that “I was the only one for him”. This does break my heart. :frowning: But I have heard he just has transferred his addictions to other things. And I guess I knew this would be an endless cycle of misery for me. I have had dreams about him, and he has tried to contact me, and I have never written him back, except for once about a year ago.
Gosh–the choices we make in life are hard ones indeed.

Sparkle


#23

[quote=sparkle]Yes I know full well. My first boyfriend, before my H was an A.

There is a clue here.

Although I have thought of him with such fondness my whole married life. :confused: I asked him to come to church, tried to “witness”, etc., like I have with one of my relatives in the same boat, they want no part of it. Still, I can’t help wondering even now, 17 years later and a married woman, if I gave up the real love of my life, because he was an alcoholic. This has been most hard for me. He had so many wonderful traits, a go-getter, a professional man, passionate beyond belief, he adored and appreciated me, and I respected him so much, (besides this of course). I can say, he was so much more of a man than my current H. I wonder if I made a mistake. He is a very successful attorney now, never married so I have heard, also that “I was the only one for him”. This does break my heart. :frowning: But I have heard he just has transferred his addictions to other things. And I guess I knew this would be an endless cycle of misery for me. I have had dreams about him, and he has tried to contact me, and I have never written him back, except for once about a year ago.
Gosh–the choices we make in life are hard ones indeed.

So, have you given any thought to attending a 12 step group?

Have you read any of Melody Beattie’s books?

Sparkle
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#24

One thing that no one has mentioned yet is that being “dry” is not the same thing as being sober (sane). Through the grace of God working through some wonderful people in AA, I stopped drinking 23 years ago. I won’t attempt to date when I became sober, if I ever did. After one stops drinking, sobriety, like salvation, becomes a lifelong process that must be worked on constantly. Just putting the bottle down doesn’t get it. The underlying psychological problems must be recognized and dealt with before any degree of real sobriety can be attained.

The statistics really don’t provide too much encouragement. I’m going on memory here, so if I get a number wrong, please feel free to correct me. One in ten people who drink will sooner or later become an alcoholic. AA has the highest long-term success rate of any alcohol treatment program, and it is less than 10% (I think the actual number was only 2%). No one knows why some people are able to quit and others cannot.

Another poster made the statement that anyone can quit if he has the desire and seeks the proper help. I must respectfully disagree with that statement. I once had a friend in AA who had been mostly dry for nearly twenty years but was never able to completely kick the habit. Every two or three years, he would have a “slip” and go on a binge. Finally, on his last binge, he staggered into the VA hospital seeking help. He was so drunk they turned him away. He left and wandered out into a busy eight lane highway and was killed. He wanted to be sober but, for whatever reason, could grasp the concepts of AA mentally, but could never seem to get them into his heart. That story is but one of many that I could tell.

For the OP, if you are truly interested in this, by all means get into Al-Anon. You will get more insight into alcoholism there than you can get from all the colleges and textbooks on the subject. Also, AA has a number of other publications that are extremely helpful. Some are books, some pamphlets. Read them all. You will also want to attend some open AA meetings. Visit your local AA office and pick up a meeting schedule. The open meetings where visitors are allowed are indicated on the schedule. They will also have an assortment of books and pamphlets that you can get. Some are free, some you have to buy.

May God bless and guide you in your endeavor.


#25

By way of short cut (because every alcoholic is full of alibi’s and rationalions and “insight” into why they drink), the person with the drinking problems/problems associated with drinking, FIRST needs to get and keep the alcohol out, commit to abstinence, do whatever is required/prescribed to stay sober, only THEN can they determine more objectively/clearly the “why’s” of their drinking. I would suggest a minimum three months to one year depending upon the extent of addiction/abuse before delving into the underlying causes/issues for drinking that have not been addressed by simply establishing/maintaining abstinence.


#26

[quote=MommaKat]As a sober Alcholic since 1990. I would not want to take a risk at possible ever going back to the hell that is drinking. I have much to much to risk. I have a family and a husband and a home and I am happy. The personality problem is one that must be worked on for the rest of my life. It is the cross I must carry. It may be one of my own making but it is there. My biggest regret is that I can’t receive the blood of Christ in the Eucharist.
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HEY! Another Friend of Bill’s? I also do not receive the Blood of Christ in the liquid form, but we do receive the Body, Blood Soul and Divinity in the Bread of Life so we are ok…I think we are doing the right thing and MommaKat, I am so glad you brought this up.

My sober date is 5-4-92…your’s?


#27

#28

Why would I need the 12-step group now I do ask of “Mschoiro1”??? He is not in my life anymore. When we were dating, I did go to a couple “AA” meetings with him. I liked it, and thought the folks there were really “real”-----it was funny though, they all smoked and drank coffee like fiends. I had to leave the room a couple times because I couldn’t breathe from all the smoke. :o But I have heard he has stayed “on the wagon” at least with the alcohol, but now is totally and completely obsessed with some other hobbies, hence this OCD, common to alcoholics. Some mutual friends who work with him have said he still talks about me, and has said he’ll never marry if he couldn’t have me, the supposed “only love of his life”. :confused: I think this is weird. But he is also an usher at his Catholic Church so I hear. I always knew he was a Catholic, although when I knew him I wasn’t a Catholic yet. Anyway—I suppose this maybe instigated my OP, as well as one of my cousins, who has rejected the Church and hasn’t gone to Mass for over a year since her recovery. She also suffers greatly from OCD. Can’t our Lord help them overcome these things? I wonder? Oh one more thing----I also wonder----do you have to forego the “blood of Christ in the Mass” if you’re a recovering alcoholic? I see many passing by the cup at Mass, and it makes me wonder. I guess I don’t quite understand this fully.
Thx all for the insight.:slight_smile:


#29

That’s a good question about receiving the blood of Christ. My husband is a sober alcoholic (since 1989) and he was offered, and received the blood of Christ at our wedding. He has taken it a few times since then (3 years ago) but it doesn’t seem to compel him to want to drink. He never speaks of his urge to drink and he hasn’t been to a meeting that I know of since we’ve been together. I think this, like so many things, may depend on the person who is experiencing the problem.


#30

#31

[quote=LSK]HEY! Another Friend of Bill’s? I also do not receive the Blood of Christ in the liquid form, but we do receive the Body, Blood Soul and Divinity in the Bread of Life so we are ok…I think we are doing the right thing and MommaKat, I am so glad you brought this up.

My sober date is 5-4-92…your’s?
[/quote]

My soberity date is 5-30-90.
I do know that I recieve the total Jesus. I am a extraordinary minister of the Eucharist. I distribute the cup from time to time.


#32

[quote=MommaKat]My soberity date is 5-30-90.
I do know that I recieve the total Jesus. I am a extraordinary minister of the Eucharist. I distribute the cup from time to time.
[/quote]

Uh Huh. And what exactly does this mean?


#33

[quote=MommaKat]My soberity date is 5-30-90.
I do know that I recieve the total Jesus. I am a extraordinary minister of the Eucharist. I distribute the cup from time to time.
[/quote]

I kinda knew you knew that, just like I kinda knew you knew I knew you knew I knew…oh you know…lololol…thank you so much, Mommakat…it sounds silly to everyone that is not ‘one of us’ but it is always nice to find another Friend of Bill’s on the board.

A few posts back, I had suggested to Sparkle that she might want to check out Dicobe.com for some CD(s) of other sober Alkies who have stories to share. Can you think of people she and others might want to listen to? I had suggested Clancy and Peg M.


#34

[quote=Chovy]That’s a good question about receiving the blood of Christ. My husband is a sober alcoholic (since 1989) and he was offered, and received the blood of Christ at our wedding. He has taken it a few times since then (3 years ago) but it doesn’t seem to compel him to want to drink. He never speaks of his urge to drink and he hasn’t been to a meeting that I know of since we’ve been together. I think this, like so many things, may depend on the person who is experiencing the problem.
[/quote]

Absolutely, Chovy. I have been sober for 13 years and I have chosen not to take from the cup. It is not worth taking the chance of triggering the allergy.

And the only reason, Sparkle, that someone would possibly suggest you attend Al-Anon today would be to help you cope with your cousin’s alcoholism as expressed in your original post.


#35

LSK
I had to lol with your post. I have my Big Book and a number of meditation books. I have also have been moved to spend in Adoration of the Eucharist. I take a number of my difficults to the Lord. I am fortunate that we have Eucharist adoration every Friday in my parish. Eucharist Adorations is where I find great consolation and support. Pope John Paul II says that adoration is where we all find strength.

Sparkle
To recieve a complete communion with our most Beloved Lord you only have to receive him in one species. That is what I meant. I don’t recieve the cup but I can distribute the cup when I a ministering at Mass.


#36

I had to lol with your post. I have my Big Book and a number of meditation books. I have also have been moved to spend in Adoration of the Eucharist. I take a number of my difficults to the Lord. I am fortunate that we have Eucharist adoration every Friday in my parish. Eucharist Adorations is where I find great consolation and support. Pope John Paul II says that adoration is where we all find strength.

Well that’s it then, you are my new best friend.

About a month ago, a spot came free for Eucharistic Adoration chapel…and I was able to take the spot. Mommakat, I cannot believe how much it has added to my sobriety.

I am so grateful today, and I am still learning so much!


#37

[quote=LSK]About a month ago, a spot came free for Eucharistic Adoration chapel…and I was able to take the spot. Mommakat, I cannot believe how much it has added to my sobriety.

[/quote]

Well this is just my point/question here. Can’t our Lord, in all His goodness, be able to help everyone overcome their problems then? For HE surely give us all everything/and more that we need.

Sparkle~:D


#38

[quote=sparkle]Well this is just my point/question here. Can’t our Lord, in all His goodness, be able to help everyone overcome their problems then? For HE surely give us all everything/and more that we need.

Sparkle~:D
[/quote]

Absolutely - but I still attend three meetings a week, have a sponsor, sponsor other women and have service committments. I have not left my 12 step program. Eucharistic Adoration has ADDED to my sobriety. And, no matter what, I am still an Alcholic.

You had asked, orginially, how to help with and deal with the few that you still have in your life. I hope we have given you some insight into the disease as well as some suggestions as to how to help those Alcoholics in your life cope with the daily struggles they encounter. I really urge you to reconnect with Al-Anon and re-read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, especially the chapter The Family Afterwards. The new 4th Edition has some great, updated stories in it that you may find more relevant to your situation today. Good luck!


#39

[quote=sparkle]Well this is just my point/question here. Can’t our Lord, in all His goodness, be able to help everyone overcome their problems then? For HE surely give us all everything/and more that we need.

Sparkle~:D
[/quote]

The only thing I would add is that some problems can be helped better by other who have made their way out of the problem before us. The personality is the part that we must take to Christ that we don’t fall back into the error. Addictions are a disorder in our personality. As fallen human we all have our disorders which we must take to Christ. Peter had his disorders, Paul had his and so did Pope John Paul II and so do all the others saints. It is only the Lords grace that saves and even saves from disorders.


#40

Why would I need the 12-step group now I do ask of **“Mschoiro1”??? **

Sorry I’ve been away - in one of my earlier posts I suggested Al Anon. Rather than a matter of need, I thought you might find some insight into the behavior you discuss here by learning about the effects that alcohol (and drugs, and OCD, and other things that take us away from God) can have on entire families and down through generations. There are also a raft of books about the subject and a very popular author, Melody Beattie has done a great deal of work (and study) with people in relationships with addicted people.

Also, having a bit of history with the species, I was wondering if maybe there was a pattern?

Actually, 12 step programs are great groups and the cheapest effective therapy going!


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