One difficult teaching of Our Church makes waves in my life :(

Hi, Its been over two months since I was recieved into the Church and I have to say that I love being catholic.
I love the sacraments and I love the way we worship God together at the mass, I love the Rosary and maybe most of all I love Our Lady as she has been non exsisting for me earlier when I was a Lutheran.

So far so good so to say, but heres the one thing that kind of ruins it all unfortunely and its the sin of masturbation.
Yes as most men in their early twenties im on and of addictied to it and I have approcomatly confessed it somewhere between 5-10 times in my short time as catholic and its so, so frustrating to confess it and then only days later fall again and suffer from a guilt trip for days/ week until I do get myself to the confessional.

I know that the Church sees it as a mortal sin and Im quite familiar With the cathecism when it comes to this particular sin / misshabit, but even though Im aware of it and agree With it on and intelectual Level i find it very hard to think that God is going to send People to hell over it.
Its like the worst overreaction ever if its actually correct that he will.

The wide acceptance it has in the secular world makes it even more difficult to stop this misshabit and the “no one suffers from it” kinda thinking sneaks in as well when Im temptated.

Should I continue to confess this sin even though I deep Down feel like it isnt the worst thing ever or should I abstain from the Holy Eucharist and delay confession until I actually feel truely sorry for it?

The thing is that I want to stay on good terms With the Church and go frecuentaly to communion, but this particular teaching is so troubling for me to Accept and to live by and I feel that its wrong to make a “false” confession for something I deep Down doesnt regret or see as such an serious matter.

Any advise is greatly appriciated.

Yours in Jesus and Mary

  • HBH

Sharing your sentiments.

Id like to come back to the thread and share later.

Right now, Id just like to say, it becomes grave/mortal/destructive to our relationship with Jesus when we stop regretting and striving against it. Or when we call it good. Or when we do not think we need forgiveness from it.

I dont think it warrants abstaining from His Eucharist unless we are not remorsefull. Then we must fullfill Reconciliation in complete contrition by means of prayer and His Sacrament.

Dear Brother in Christ,
One thing to keep foremost in thought: the MIND is an amazing thing,
it subconsciously controls your thots, feelings, AND bodily processes.
As the proverbs says “As a man thinks, he IS.” SO, dear friend in Christ,
THINK that your body IS NOT YOUR OWN, you belong to God, AND
other Christians(Rom 12:5) and that you never stand or fall ALONE in
the Christian life, you either drag others down or keep them up! I can
quote scripture, but it’s simple Body(of Christ) politics!

I think the key to understanding this is that you are “addicted”. People sometimes don’t think of this as an addiction, but it really and truly is. Dopamine (the body"s “I need it” chemical) is released according to the body’s understanding of how good whatever you’re craving is. And, sex is very, very good.

I found it helpful to pray instead of masturbating. Just get out of the bedroom, bathroom, wherever, and walk around and pray. I also found it helpful to study the church’s view of the sacredness of the sexual act. You wouldn’t take communion, and then spit it out.

God will continue to forgive you for this, as long as you keep trying, (you CAN do this), and do keep going to confession. It is very important to get your body (and your brain) under your control.

It may or may not be a mortal sin, as long as you are truly addicted. (It is my understanding that your culpability decreases for an actual addiction.) But, beware that you will begin to know when it is not so much an addiction as it used to be, and you can control it more. In any case, the graces from the sacrament of reconciliation will help you fight it.

Grace and Peace to you.

Confessing it as a sin doesn’t mean that you think it’s the worst thing ever. No one thinks it’s the worst thing ever.

I also have trouble accepting that it’s grave matter, but if one isn’t going to trust the Church when it’s a teaching that one finds personally unpleasant and challenging, then what’s the point of trusting the Church at all?

Certainly turning the sexual impulse inward toward fantasy is a very unhealthy thing. Of course, the objection is that the act of masturbation doesn’t necessarily do this.

I think the bottom line is that beating yourself up to make yourself feel guilty enough to confess it is a bad thing to do. Try to keep in mind, instead, why the Church thinks this is bad. What is the purpose of sexuality? And when you (or I) fall away from that, we need to confess and return, not because it’s “the worst thing ever” and not because we feel so awful (we may or may not), but because God created our bodies for a purpose and wants us to glorify him with them.


When it come to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I think its helpful to keep in mind the word “Reconciliation”. That word reminds us that Confession is about renewing, reestablishing our relationship with Christ, with God. How do we break this relationship? When we make a conscious decision to walk away , to turn our back on Christ. One thing I think we have to keep in mind when thinking about what this means, how we rupture our relationship with Christ , is to remember that He is ALWAYS with us. We know it is we that sever or damage the relationship, that He never leaves us. So, sometimes I think it is helpful to remember that God is always there with us, Christ is in front of us, behind us , to the sides of us, above and below us. When we are “IN Christ”, we communicate directly with him, we share back and forth constantly, and He guides our every thought and action. His presence could be considered like that of an ever-present friend, who is there with us where ever we go, whatever room or space we in.

Having presented our relationship with God as I have,when we sin, we tell Christ to leave the room, we reject His presence. Sometimes this is very unconscious thought, such as when we may tell a little white lie. However, now think of Christ being present in ALL our sexual activities. When we are married, how would we feel knowing God of the Universe is actually present? The Sacrament of marriage makes lovemaking to our spouse a holy and beautiful time that we for which we should have no shame in sharing with God. Now , can the same said when we masturbate?

Before America became a wealthy country, many families lived in one room homes. As married couples there was no shame in making love in the immediate presence of the family. Of course it was discreet and without visible nudity. Consider Medieval era when the consummation of the marriage was done with perhaps just a wall away from the entire royal court or at least some witness, since consummation was essential for a valid marriage, and a valid marriage was the concern of the state! Now say that witness was Christ. In the case of marriage, we have no shame regarding our sexuality.

Now consider masturbation. I dont think I need to say more. We know it means we turn our back on Christ! When this sin becomes habitual , think how many times we turn out back on Christ. Once or twice is not really the issue. However, when we regularly indulge in a vice that is powerful and addicting , which unchaste sex and masturbation are, we gradually turn our heads from Christ more and more. It is grave because it so pernicious in its ability to gradually leave Christ out of our lives entirely. Its not just that we cross the line for some forbidden fruit. We break our connection to Christ. Honestly, can one really be “IN Christ” , connected to Him, while masturbating? I really challenge you to think how that can be.

Having said that , dont beat yourself up either. Dont let guilt keep you from being with Him. Dont be afraid to seek forgiveness 7x700 times. And also remember that when something has become addictive, is something that is difficult to control, our culpability can be diminished. Sometimes even when we dont want to do something, our addictions make it very difficult to overcome that negative behavior
(masturbation) which pulls away from Christ. So, alone, I agree its not the worst thinh in the world, but because sex is so powerful, the potential to pull you from Christ is very dangerous! It is this reason it is a very pernicious sin and should be avoided, and the Church considers it possibly a grave sin.

Remember, it is something done because it is so pleasurable. There is nothing wrong with pleasure, but when it is done out of the proper context it can be dangerous. Sexual gratification can be like a drug that causes us to seek its pleasure even when there are dangerous spiritual side effects. And like drugs, sometimes we use sexual gratification to cover pain or to simply fill the time in our lives, cover our boredom. That alone is sin. Instead of covering our pain or filling in our time, we should be using that time to serve God.Of course very often we simply have hormones that are causing physiological reactions! Even in this case we are called to use our sexuality, our sexual natures to serve God. We should be using that energy to serve Him, to advance in our job, to find a spouse, to exercise , to fix our car! We can learn to transfer that energy toward other goals, including a finding a spouse with whom we can properly expend our sexual energy for making love and having children.

I hope this helps! Youre certainly NOT alone! But the Church calls us to live in HIM at all times and in ALL things.

God Bless!

There are many materials explaining why it is grave matter, which are worth checking out if you have a hard time understanding why it is that the Church says so. But even if you have a hard time with that, confessing out of trust that the Church is right (not blind trust, but trust that flows from our understanding of the what the Church is), even if we haven’t figured out why it is right on this particular issue yet, is still a good thing and is sufficient for forgiveness. Though it is of course better to understand, unless you explicitly in your mind (gut feelings and difficulties understanding aside) could honestly say “I know the Church says this is a sin, but the Church is wrong and it is really ok, but I’ll say these words to make it happy” then there is no issue at all.

As for receiving communion - seek the advice of a priest. He may or may not tell you not to let that sin stop you from receiving, because of the whole addiction thing, but in any case that is a determination that only a priest can make for you.

Actually, other people are affected by a mastubation habit. The spouse or future spouse of the individual is affected. If it gets to a point where it effects their marriage negatively, it effects their children and extended families. If it involves porn, it effects those in that industry. It causes an objectification of human beings, so it effects all of society in that way. Supporting the porn industry also contibutes to child porn, human trafficking, sexual addictions, rape, divorce, and other social ills. It’s actually quite a harmful sin, though the harm isn’t as direct and immediate as punching someone in the face.

It will be a gradual change. You will not see the day when you stop for completely, perhaps, a long time. I’m sure it differs from person to person.

Understand though that your entire thinking process about sexuality is corrupt (as is mine and just about everyone else who was brought up in a secular world). Don’t try to trust yourself. Try to trust the Church. Failing to trust the Church because it’s hard to trust them… why, how meaningless then was your trust in the first place! You only trusted yourself and called it the Church.

For me, change started in praying the Rosary every day. Read information about the mysteries of the Rosary, and read St. Louis de Montfort’s “Secret of the Rosary” (this should be easily obtainable, and it is even online, here

The changes in your life will be imperceptible by the day, but then months down the road you will look back and hardly recognize the place from whence you came.

Pray, have faith, and rely especially heavily on the Rosary and Our Lady.

For “The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be.”

Stop regarding anything impure. Stop watching impure television, radio, etc… don’t spend inordinate amounts of time with people who are inhibiting your spiritual journey in Christ. Focus on the spiritual, make your schedule totally busy with work and prayer, and you will quickly find yourself on the road to sainthood.

HeadingBackHome; Any advise is greatly appriciated.

See this website…he has been threw this war and has good suggestions.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

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