One of my best friends is Gay - people question my Catholic faith and loyalty to it


#1

12 years ago, I met one of my very best friends who was married with children, like me. Later she decided she wanted to be a Lesbian and left her husband and started to attain strong, liberal passionate viewpoints. I respected her choices and decided to let her find her own path to happiness - and she has been one of my closest friends.

I’ve remained who I am and she hasn’t changed my viewpoints in life or anything else. She legally married her (wife) 14 months ago and is now divorcing her wife.

Although my friend and I hang out in different crowds, whenever I introduce my friend to others in my life - people question my Catholic faith and they say it goes against what Catholics believe to be friends with her. Mostly these are protestant Christians who say and judge me.

I went through RCIA 7 years ago and became a Catholic. As a relatively new Catholic - I need to know if I am doing something wrong and against this faith. I choose to live non-exclusionary and see the human being - not their “label” and how society defines them. I accept my friend for the good I see in her and I regard her lifestyle as a different choice than mine.
**
How can Christian Protestants say they are and choose to exclude certain categories of people (the Gay Community). They do not seem to be loving how God loves - they seem to be excluding.

I’d like to know the Catholic viewpoint and if people have the right to place judgment on me and question my faith.**

I would appreciate hearing ALL perspectives! Thank you!!!


#2

You can be friends with her without condoning her sin. If she asks what you think about it, say it’s against your faith and not a lifestyle you’d choose for yourself, but still love her and pray for her.

If she attacks you or anything…that’s a problem. If not, then don’t worry. Some people are self-righteous and snobby, the very kind Jesus warned us about.


#3

Protestantism is generally a denomination that lacks any kind of logical reasoning behind their argumentation regarding difficult issues, perhaps because none of it is very strongly philosophically grounded.

This can be seen by the inability of most of them to read the Bible and draw rational conclusions on what scripture extrapolates to in reality. No one has the right to judge you, and definitely not who you’re friends with it, in particular your friends, especially so considering her lifestyle has no bearing on how you live yours.


#4

[quote="armijo, post:1, topic:185084"]
12 years ago, I met one of my very best friends who was married with children, like me. Later she decided she wanted to be a Lesbian and left her husband and started to attain strong, liberal passionate viewpoints. I respected her choices and decided to let her find her own path to happiness - and she has been one of my closest friends.

I've remained who I am and she hasn't changed my viewpoints in life or anything else. She legally married her (wife) 14 months ago and is now divorcing her wife.

Although my friend and I hang out in different crowds, whenever I introduce my friend to others in my life - people question my Catholic faith and they say it goes against what Catholics believe to be friends with her. Mostly these are protestant Christians who say and judge me.

I went through RCIA 7 years ago and became a Catholic. As a relatively new Catholic - I need to know if I am doing something wrong and against this faith. I choose to live non-exclusionary and see the human being - not their "label" and how society defines them. I accept my friend for the good I see in her and I regard her lifestyle as a different choice than mine.
**
How can Christian Protestants say they are and choose to exclude certain categories of people (the Gay Community). They do not seem to be loving how God loves - they seem to be excluding.

I'd like to know the Catholic viewpoint and if people have the right to place judgment on me and question my faith.**

I would appreciate hearing ALL perspectives! Thank you!!!

[/quote]

No one has the right to place judgement on you and question your faith. I would ask anyone who does if any of their friends or family has had sex out of wedlock. Ask them if they remain friends and continue to love them.


#5

Don’t listen to them. Jesus befriended people who society had cast out.

He told us to love everyone, not just those who we agree with. I agree with the prior poster who said you should be honest with her if she asked you about your personal beliefs.

Please ignore those who would condemn you OR her.


#6

Love the sinner, reject the sin, because we're all sinners. I have several gay, bi, and transgendered friends, one of them is the man I love like my own brother so I do know where you're coming from.


#7

I agree with you Sanctamaria,I will say tho’ that you cannot allow her to believe you support the sin of sodomy,or that it is a moral behavior, it is not. Yes by all means love her and pray for her. Trust God for her.:)Carlan


#8

The problem I have is with what you said: “I respected her choices”, which permeates through the rest of your post. That’s not something you’d ever hear Jesus say. Jesus hanged around sinners expecting them to repent, not out of respect for their choices. In Fatima, Our Lady said that sexual immorality is the main reason souls go to hell. If you love your friend, you’ll pray for her and tell her that she needs to repent.

There was nothing to respect in regards to your friend’s choice of leaving her family for a sinful life. Her choices are to be condemned, because they put her on the road to hell (and put you in danger as well). Admonishing a sinner is one of the spiritual works of mercy. If you never corrected her either because you didn’t see anything wrong with her choice, or because you didn’t want to lose her friendship, you failed in your Christian duty and the RCIA was all for naught. If she’s unrepentant, you are putting yourself in danger of losing your faith, which seems not to be very strong to begin with. To follow Christ, a person needs to put all attachment to sin behind, that includes inappropriate friendships. I can only imagine how big of an influence she has been on you over the years, which again seems to show in your post.

If she’s still your best friend, then what is your relationship to her ex-husband and children? They are victims of her sin, yet you don’t express any concern over them. That’s a shame.


#9

Curl up with the Catechism and read what it says about the topic!

Have you joined EnCourage?


#10

[quote="Goth_Catholic, post:6, topic:185084"]
Love the sinner, reject the sin, because we're all sinners. I have several gay, bi, and transgendered friends, one of them is the man I love like my own brother so I do know where you're coming from.

[/quote]

Can I give a thumbs up to this one, like I do on Facebook? In the words of the immortal singer, Meatloaf-This took the words right out of mouth.

Love em' like crazy-I have friends who are homosexual-I'd lay down in traffic for them. I don't agree with their lifestyle, but I still count them as close friends.


#11

God you look familar, do I know you?:o


#12

This is hard.
There is no reason to stop being her best friend.
But if you really care about her you need to do something that maybe I couldn't do myself.
You need to correct her rather than respecting her decision.
Her eternal soul is at stake. That is far, far more valuable than your friendship. More valuable than not hurting her feelings.

dusza nailed it:

[quote="dusza, post:8, topic:185084"]

There was nothing to respect in regards to your friend's choice of leaving her family for a sinful life. Her choices are to be condemned, because they put her on the road to hell (and put you in danger as well). Admonishing a sinner is one of the spiritual works of mercy. If you never corrected her either because you didn't see anything wrong with her choice, or because you didn't want to lose her friendship, you failed in your Christian duty ...

[/quote]


#13

This is true for everyone. We all make choices that may or may put us in the grace of God. The fact is it will be entirely up to God, and not us. We weren’t put here to be judges of mankind. Live and let live, and God will know his own.


#14

[quote="dusza, post:8, topic:185084"]
If she's unrepentant, you are putting yourself in danger of losing your faith, which seems not to be very strong to begin with. To follow Christ, a person needs to put all attachment to sin behind, that includes inappropriate friendships. I can only imagine how big of an influence she has been on you over the years, which again seems to show in your post.

[/quote]

Who or what gives you the right to judge her, to decide what is in her best interest or what will or will not influence her? Stop acting like homosexuality is a disease you can catch. How many of your friends use contraception? Are pro-choice? Take God's name in vain? Is one sin greater then another? We are not perfect, and we all have flaws that burden our relationship with God. But we shouldn't be so prideful as to point up our noses at those who sin differently then we do and expect that we are any better.


#15

[quote="Goth_Catholic, post:13, topic:185084"]
This is true for everyone. We all make choices that may or may put us in the grace of God. The fact is it will be entirely up to God, and not us. We weren't put here to be judges of mankind. Live and let live, and God will know his own.

[/quote]

I'm not thinking so much of judging as I am of looking out for one another.

For instance, if I post any errors I trust that someone will (lovingly) take me to task over it.
I do not believe that "live and let live" is good enough. (I do it myself though, to 'keep the peace'. :o ) Sometimes one must judge another person's action before being able to practice a Spiritual act of Mercy.


#16

Dear Mr. Goth,

It is not so much as ‘having the right to judge her …’ as us having the duty to look out for one another.

Who or what gives us the right to do that? The authority of the Catholic Church can be found in the CCC and we must use this and other Church documents as we make our way (along with our friends) through life. We know that some sins are graver than others.

And, yes, we should be brave enough to talk to our friends who use contraceptives or are pro-choice, etc.

But in all of this our motivation must be love, not pride.

– This is a worthwhile discussion and is making me think. Ouch.


#17

Some posters have made good points here. I think there is nothing wrong with still being her friend. But you do need to let her know that you do not support her sin. That is the same with anyone, whether it be a friend or a relative.

I’ll give an instance in my own life. My sister, while married used contraceptives. Out of love for her, I let her know my stance on the subject, and the stance of the Church (although she is Lutheran) and why I viewed it as wrong. She is recently going through divorce. Again, I told her my stance on the subject, that I don’t agree with divorce (should it lead to dating and re-marriage, which she has made known that is her intent).

But she’s my sister. I love her. I still interact with her on a daily basis. But I have let her know when I think she’s doing something wrong. Because I care about her soul. So I also continue to pray for her.

There’s nothing wrong with being friends, so long as she knows that you don’t condone her life decisions. Love the sinner, hate the sin. You don’t have to condone her behavior, but you can still love her.


#18

St Mary Magdalene pray for us.


#19

It’s ironic how much pain is involved in these discussions, yet the media treats this subject as taboo, lacking transparency. No one seems to know what causes it. Some is free will as Lindsey Lohan and Anne Heche, and the poster, have shown. Some women become man-haters due to feminism or a failed relationship. If one were to dislike a large group of people based on their skin color or nationality, it would be seen as prejudice. Yet, it’s not seen that way if a woman “becomes” an angry lesbian and becomes prejudiced against half the world population. It’s a little hypocritical.


#20

[quote="The_Reginator, post:16, topic:185084"]
Dear Mr. Goth,

It is not so much as 'having the right to judge her ...' as us having the duty to look out for one another.

Who or what gives us the right to do that? The authority of the Catholic Church can be found in the CCC and we must use this and other Church documents as we make our way (along with our friends) through life. We know that some sins are graver than others.

And, yes, we should be brave enough to talk to our friends who use contraceptives or are pro-choice, etc.

But in all of this our motivation must be love, not pride.

-- This is a worthwhile discussion and is making me think. Ouch.

[/quote]

I don't know what gave you the inclination that I'm a guy, but you're quite wrong.

Yes, we should look out for one another, but part of looking out for one another should be charity and respect, if not for the individual then at least for ourselves. It is not charity to condemn the sinner and shut them out as though we are any holier then they are. I'm skeptical of anyone who would look at this friendship and claim there is poor influence on this woman simply because her best friend is a lesbian and claim such should be done out of love. Being holier then thou is a protestant stumbling block we Catholics can live without. We have our own salvation to worry about without trying to dictate on that of others.


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