Online Dating experiance


#1

So, after another dry spell (as noted in my post in December) I'm finally communting with someone on Ave Maria.

Well, I have been since the weekend. :o

I broke some of the "rules" and gave him my email and phone quickly. We spoke on the phone and promised to exchange pictures. He sent his late that night and I answered the next day.(He didn't respond) After I sent mine that night he didn't respond for two days with a "nice photos, maybe I'll call tonight".

But he didn't...which since it was a maybe that's ok.

Is this normal online dating stuff?

For those of you who got married from people you met online how long was it...before you phoned/exchanged pics/saw eachother/etc.?


#2

It's normal dating stuff. He may be talking to several people if your not exclusive yet. He also might just be busy. In my online dating experience, I've noticed that the woman are generally more aggressive when it comes to swapping phone numbers, pictures, life stories, etc. I've gotten the "Are you interested, haven't heard from you in a bit?" email several times when I haven't responded ito emails/phone calls in a prompt manor.


#3

[quote="Rascalking, post:2, topic:225781"]
It's normal dating stuff. He may be talking to several people if your not exclusive yet. He also might just be busy. In my online dating experience, I've noticed that the woman are generally more aggressive when it comes to swapping phone numbers, pictures, life stories, etc. I've gotten the "Are you interested, haven't heard from you in a bit?" email several times when I haven't responded ito emails/phone calls in a prompt manor.

[/quote]

Ahh, yes...I see. He actually gave me his email (then phone number) first. And he asked to send photos first. I actually wouldn't of done it unless he asked. It's funny, I have found that guys like to send photos...alot.


#4

Im not very attractive so AMS and CM were complete disasters for me. Typically, a lack of response means they arent attracted to you.


#5

OK men are very visual creatures - generally speaking. Sorry everyone. Not to say you are not attractive but sometimes we women in an effort to be honest will throw some facebook pic with our friends up or from camping or whatever. It would be good to probably have one or two good pictures in reserve that are "best foot forward" pics. You know the one from that wedding you went to (where you weren't in the puffy pink dress) or the formal occasion or party or whatever. It isn't dishonest - they generally want to know if there is something there they could be physically attracted to. After all a relationship with a whole lot of respect and zero physical attraction is called a friendship. I hope I put that nicely.


#6

[quote="joandarc2008, post:5, topic:225781"]
OK men are very visual creatures - generally speaking. Sorry everyone. .

[/quote]

Why are you sorry? It's just a statement of fact.If it's not PC, then tough. It's totally true..


#7

[quote="Rascalking, post:6, topic:225781"]
Why are you sorry? It's just a statement of fact.If it's not PC, then tough. It's totally true..

[/quote]

Yes, but I was waiting to get jumped on by certain men on the forum that women are predators too....yada yada yada. ;):p


#8

[quote="joandarc2008, post:7, topic:225781"]
Yes, but I was waiting to get jumped on by certain men on the forum that women are predators too....yada yada yada. ;):p

[/quote]

Oh, woman certainly can be. It's just not nearly as common. Do woman desire sex? Of course. But it's men who are WAY more tempted by the visual, your totally right.


#9

Im not very attractive so AMS and CM were complete disasters for me. Typically, a lack of response means they arent attracted to you.

Although I know some men complain girls are shallow, especally when you're dealing with a 1 inch photo it's all in the writing and the attitude. I finally told a guy to stop writing becuse for 3 months EVERY letter closed with "Please write me back" after I told him several times he didn't need to ask EVERY TIME. Other guys seem to want to be saved and go on and on about how "beautiful" my picture is. They don't even get past go. All they can see is a 1 inch photo. Sorry, man, you know NOTHING about me.

[quote="joandarc2008, post:5, topic:225781"]
OK men are very visual creatures - generally speaking. Sorry everyone. Not to say you are not attractive but sometimes we women in an effort to be honest will throw some facebook pic with our friends up or from camping or whatever. It would be good to probably have one or two good pictures in reserve that are "best foot forward" pics. You know the one from that wedding you went to (where you weren't in the puffy pink dress) or the formal occasion or party or whatever. It isn't dishonest - they generally want to know if there is something there they could be physically attracted to. After all a relationship with a whole lot of respect and zero physical attraction is called a friendship. I hope I put that nicely.

[/quote]

I did one better...sent a mix of both. I tried to keep them on par and in number with his. He sent 11 (not all of him, some of his family). I sent 8, all but 1 was me.


#10

A lot of the stuff SeaShoreGirl describes screams NEEDY man. This quality in men doesn't just casue a woman to walk away but to RUN!

In my opinion the online stuff doesn't pass the sniff test, because it often becomes about check lists and not physiological interaction.


#11

[quote="SeaShoreGirl, post:9, topic:225781"]
Although I know some men complain girls are shallow, especally when you're dealing with a 1 inch photo it's all in the writing and the attitude. I finally told a guy to stop writing becuse for 3 months EVERY letter closed with "Please write me back" after I told him several times he didn't need to ask EVERY TIME. Other guys seem to want to be saved and go on and on about how "beautiful" my picture is. They don't even get past go. All they can see is a 1 inch photo. Sorry, man, you know NOTHING about me.

[/quote]

Well, on AMS I sent emails to about 50 girls. I got the generic rejection email about 40 times and got told "God told me I wasnt called to you" the other ten times.

On CM, I barely had time to finish my profile and I had a dozen women messaging me to put up a photo. I put mine up and not a single one responded to me after. Gee, I wonder why.

Catholic girls are mainly stuck up and think they are perfect when they are just as good and bad as everyone else. My friends introduced me to one girl then told me I had no chance because she wants a knight in shining armor and I would never be that type for any girl.


#12

[quote="mks, post:11, topic:225781"]
Well, on AMS I sent emails to about 50 girls. I got the generic rejection email about 40 times and got told "God told me I wasn't called to you" the other ten times.

On CM, I barely had time to finish my profile and I had a dozen women messaging me to put up a photo. I put mine up and not a single one responded to me after. Gee, I wonder why.

Catholic girls are mainly stuck up and think they are perfect when they are just as good and bad as everyone else. My friends introduced me to one girl then told me I had no chance because she wants a knight in shining armor and I would never be that type for any girl.

[/quote]

And with your attitude, it's clear to see why your single. Catholic woman are NOT stuck up. Some are. True. Some Catholic men are jerks as well. Don't stereotype them.

If you view yourself (this "poor me,I'm not attractive" ) and others like that, no one would want you as their partner.


#13

I felt a little better about "why a guy says he'll call you then doesn't" after reading John Gray's Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. He also has a spinoff, Mars and Venus On a Date.

Though not specificially Catholic, these give some pretty good general dating insights. You can probably pick up a used copy for a song at a thrift store or on Amazon.

I might not like the answer 100% about why a guy often says that then doesn't call - and wish he'd just keep his mouth shut in the first place :p but at least now I know why! ;)


#14

[quote="SeaShoreGirl, post:9, topic:225781"]
Although I know some men complain girls are shallow, especally when you're dealing with a 1 inch photo it's all in the writing and the attitude. I finally told a guy to stop writing becuse for 3 months EVERY letter closed with "Please write me back" after I told him several times he didn't need to ask EVERY TIME. Other guys seem to want to be saved and go on and on about how "beautiful" my picture is. They don't even get past go. All they can see is a 1 inch photo. Sorry, man, you know NOTHING about me.

I did one better...sent a mix of both. I tried to keep them on par and in number with his. He sent 11 (not all of him, some of his family). I sent 8, all but 1 was me.

[/quote]

In God's time - I remember from your other posts that you are very active so just keep it up and I am sure that eventually when God thinks you are ready the right one will come along.


#15

[quote="mjs1987, post:11, topic:225781"]
Well, on AMS I sent emails to about 50 girls. I got the generic rejection email about 40 times and got told "God told me I wasnt called to you" the other ten times.

On CM, I barely had time to finish my profile and I had a dozen women messaging me to put up a photo. I put mine up and not a single one responded to me after. Gee, I wonder why.

Catholic girls are mainly stuck up and think they are perfect when they are just as good and bad as everyone else. My friends introduced me to one girl then told me I had no chance because she wants a knight in shining armor and I would never be that type for any girl.

[/quote]

After reading that I would not respond (if I were dating) nor would I recommend one of my friends do. Please go back and read that changing girl for guy and see how it makes you feel.


#16

[quote="SeaShoreGirl, post:1, topic:225781"]
So, after another dry spell (as noted in my post in December) I'm finally communting with someone on Ave Maria.

Well, I have been since the weekend. :o

I broke some of the "rules" and gave him my email and phone quickly. We spoke on the phone and promised to exchange pictures. He sent his late that night and I answered the next day.(He didn't respond) After I sent mine that night he didn't respond for two days with a "nice photos, maybe I'll call tonight".

But he didn't...which since it was a maybe that's ok.

Is this normal online dating stuff?

For those of you who got married from people you met online how long was it...before you phoned/exchanged pics/saw eachother/etc.?

[/quote]

I met my DH on Ave. I was on for several years before we met. I talked with a lot of men through email. I talke with many on the phone. I met about 6 of them in person. None of those worked out.

So, yes, it's "normal" but I think you should lower your expectations a little. You've exchanged a couple of emails and talked on the phone. You are not dating.

He may be talking with any number of women right now. He may or may not call you. He may or may not email you.

Don't get your hopes up and don't make more of it than it is-- so far just a couple of emails and phone call between you. You can put photos on Ave so I'm not understanding why you exchanged photos outside Ave?

Personally, I would not jump the gun on giving out email and phone. I'd stick to using internal Ave channels for at least a couple of weeks or more. I would then cautiously go forward with giving out personal details.

My DH and I talked on Ave for a number of weeks, maybe a month or two, before exchanging phone info. We then talked on the phone and emailed for another 4 months before we met. We lived in different states. We then dated for a year and were engaged for a year.

So, don't be in a hurry. And, don't focus on one guy.


#17

[quote="mjs1987, post:11, topic:225781"]

Catholic girls are mainly stuck up and think they are perfect when they are just as good and bad as everyone else. My friends introduced me to one girl then told me I had no chance because she wants a knight in shining armor and I would never be that type for any girl.

[/quote]

:doh2: Every time a thread about relationships comes up, you never fail to post about how awful women are and then complain that you are still single. Then women will tell you that's the *entire reason *you are still single. Is it ever going to sink in? :shrug:


#18

I think on0line dating might be the way to go in our busy society. I also think it can become for the most part something to do out of boredom. You can pretend to be who you want on-line.

As for people (men or women) not responding after seeing the picture. True it is insulting when someone knows they are a good person but......... after all, does the rejecter not have the right to choose his or her dates?

I remember being 33 (which now appears so young I could laugh) and a 32 year old man told me he wanted kids and I was too old. Well.....sure I was insulted at first and hurt. But then I came to realize if it was that important to him to date someone younger, that is his choice to make.

God will provide as he sees fit

CM


#19

[quote="joandarc2008, post:5, topic:225781"]
After all a relationship with a whole lot of respect and zero physical attraction is called a friendship. I hope I put that nicely.

[/quote]

You did put it nicely. But don't you think that women put less emphasis on a guy looking like Tom Cruise, and more on who he is, in terms of career and such? Meshulam Riklis was no looker when he married Pia Zadora. Guys would put more emphasis on a woman looking like Nicole Kidman, and would be more likely to go for a woman that looked like that, even if she were a janitor.

Nonetheless, it's probably a good idea to try to gather as many photos as possible, and perhaps even think of sinking some money into a photo from a pro photographer, not the kind you find at Walmart, but rather, the kind you find in town that wins awards. That goes for woman, and guys alike. I've seen some "snapshots" on those dating websites, and it's not that the guys are not attractive, but there seems to be some subliminal messages coming up that aren't good.

Besides that, I'm actually very grateful that I'm ugly, though I'll quickly admit I'm not disgusting.


#20

[quote="CatholicBoy1957, post:19, topic:225781"]
. Guys would put more emphasis on a woman looking like Nicole Kidman, and would be more likely to go for a woman that looked like that, even if she were a janitor.

.

[/quote]

Your right. Nicole Kidman is a gorgeous woman.


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