Online dating experience


#1

Hello all. I wanted to share an online dating experience I just had. Maybe others can relate and give me some feedback, plus I’d like to share to possibly give some insight to others who may be online dating. Anyway, I was talking to this guy on a well known Catholic site and we exchanged a lot of e-mails with each other and got to know one another pretty well - at least as much as you could just through writing. He certainly seemed different than other guys and more religious and family oriented than most. He always told me how much my friendship meant and how special I was to him. We talked on the phone then for long periods and he asked to meet me in person. It was long distance so he had to fly in. We met a few months after we first started talking. Now here I am, thinking this guy could be the one and all excited. Granted I knew I had to meet him, but I’ve read many success stories about people who met long distance and connected right away. So I was hopeful.

He arrives and is so nervous he could barely look at me at dinner. He didn’t give me any compliments or praise and just talked about random things, while hardly making eye contact. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt on the first day, but the next day it didn’t get any better, it just got worse. He seemed disinterested in things we were doing. At mass, he seemed downright uncomfortable and was barely participating. I once asked him if he was having a good time and he said yes, but clearly he wasn’t showing it. I was unfortunately glad to see him go. :frowning: He definitely didn’t match what he had said to me online. We both knew this hadn’t worked out.

Has anyone else had any disappointments with online dating they want to share? I guess this one was hard for me because he made the trip in but then was sooo different from how he seemed on paper and on the phone. I really got fooled. So please be careful everyone who may be considering a long distance F2F. Not saying it doesn’t work in some cases because I know it does, but often times the distance and being online makes people braver than they are in person. At least that’s my experience! :slight_smile: And 2 cents.


#2

Well, the key is managing your expectations. It's hard not to have any. But, you began anticipating his visit as "he could be the one" instead of "hey, maybe I'll make a good friend."

Online dating can be difficult because of the investment of time and money you make before you ever meet or in order to actually meet. So, I'll share my experience in my 2 years on a popular online site (avemariasingles.com).

I talked to a number of guys, but here's the rundown on the ones I actually met:

(1) Nice guy, living about 2 hours away from me. Professor at major university. Convert like me. Divorced/annulled. Interesting and nice on the phone. He drove down and met me for lunch. Lunch was tortuous and half way through he said, "I'm not ready for this" and asked if we could cut our date short. He realized he was not healed from his recent divorce and he promptly disabled his account and I never heard from him again. Yikes! Strike one.

(2) Met a nice guy who lived in an adjacent state. We talked A LOT on the phone. I'm talking 5 hours at a time. He "got it" (I thought) and seemed very much my speed. He and I met half way between where we lived (about 5 hours drive for each of us) and near where he had family. We spent an entire day together on a date-- lunch, hanging out at the mall, dinner, etc. I could tell it was not going well, and eventually said "you don't have to hang out with me all weekend if you don't want to." I'm not a dummy. It was not clicking for him. Still stayed in touch with him over time, he met a gal, moved to her state, ended up breaking up, moved back home, got a girlfiend IRL who was divorced with 2 kids, ended up having a kid with her and a civil marriage b/c she's not annulled... ugh! Strike two.

con't


#3

I've had some weird experiences online as well. Women who where neglecting to tell me things, etc. I've met several face to face, and while some have gone well, (alot better than your experience--ouch) none have panned out into a long term relationship.

I still give it hope. Just chalk this one up to a learning experience.


#4

(3) Really the first guy I ever talked to, he was a player. Seems he liked to pounce on the “new meat” on the site and strike up conversations with them. Emails, phone calls. He lived in my state, but not driving distance (big state, with a lone star)… Anyway this guy was a DOCTOR for goodness sake, but acted like a 12 year old after a while. Strike three.

(4) Met a nice guy who lived in California. Never married, and a super genius math nerd. That’s OK with me. I’m a math nerd too. I had tons of frequent flier miles so I took a trip out there, visited family, and met him for a weekend. We went to Knott’s Berry Farm for a pretty fun day, we went to Mass, and to lunch and dinner. Turns out, I wasn’t conservative enough. My crime? I wore pants to church. Strike four.

(5) I met a guy I thought was very nice online. We talked a lot. He and I planned visits. Due to schedules, we planned his visit to my state and my visit to his state after that at the same time. That’s how confident we were it would go well. He was also divorced/annulled. He came for a weekend visit and I thought we had a perfectly good time. After the visit, he let me know I was not the one for him. Great, I then had to go to his city for an entire weekend visit knowing he didn’t like me! He broke down into a crying heap in his living room regardin the sexual molestation he had been subjected to by a neighbor as a 6 year old child. AAAAHHH!!! Strike five.

(6) I met a great guy (it seemed) who lived across the country. He was just an amazing guy, but you know… I’d met some other seemingly great guys before. So, cautiously I wrote emails, talked on the phone, and planned that visit all the while just dreading what could go wrong! We met. We had fun. He visited me. We had fun. I went back. We had fun. He came back. We had fun. We got married. Ta-da it’s been 4 wonderful years.

Moral of the story: You are the tortoise, not the hare.

Guard your heart, but keep putting it out there.


#5

Oh, wait, I forgot #5.5. A professor at a major university in my town. Seemed nice. We talked and met and went on a nice date. He had a business trip out of town and said he’d call me when he got back. That was 6.5 years ago. Still no call. Flake! Strike six.


#6

1ke, you get all the fun stuff...my goodness, I wish I had those stories to tell! I'd be a hit at parties!


#7

My best advice with “online dating” is to use the internet to FIND new people, but don’t use it to GET TO KNOW new people. Each of us is a totally different version of ourselves online and, unless you plan on consummating the marriage online and communicating daily online instead of in person, you’re wasting your time!


#8

Thanks for the replies so far everyone! 1ke, thank you so much for sharing your stories. I’m really happy you found a great guy after all your experiences. And you’re right, I shouldn’t have expected so much. I guess I got caught up in thinking it was going to go really well. :slight_smile: It’s so true re: Augusta Sans that people are different online.


#9

Yup, just as a place to meet people. Nothing more. Possibly if you really have to go long-distance... But don't get any hopes of anything good just going there and chatting the nerdy glam night away. Not worth it. Been there done that (a lot). Glad to be done with it.


#10

Hmmmm…I don’t know if this counts…but it’s all I have…

About a year ago, I met someone here on the CAF, actually. We chatted via PM, and then email for a while…more and longer emails…and then we tried webcam videos. Y’know, just as friends. (I mean, he was on the other side of the country and all.)

And then, suddenly, he moved a lot closer to me. So we got to meet in person. And I was startled to see that he really was pretty much what I expected. (Weird, huh? I’m so used to people being very different than they seem online.)

We met a few times…and we are now calling our next meeting a “date”. :stuck_out_tongue:


#11

[quote="chevalier, post:9, topic:178188"]
Yup, just as a place to meet people. Nothing more. Possibly if you really have to go long-distance... But don't get any hopes of anything good just going there and chatting the nerdy glam night away. Not worth it. Been there done that (a lot). Glad to be done with it.

[/quote]

If you don't mind me asking this, did you find the people you met were very different than you expected or were there other reasons it didn't work out? Like you, at this time I don't think I would attempt long distance again. Local probably if we could meet sooner rather than later.


#12

[quote="TraderTif, post:10, topic:178188"]
Hmmmm.....I don't know if this counts.......but it's all I have......

About a year ago, I met someone here on the CAF, actually. We chatted via PM, and then email for a while......more and longer emails......and then we tried webcam videos. Y'know, just as friends. (I mean, he was on the other side of the country and all.)

And then, suddenly, he moved a lot closer to me. So we got to meet in person. And I was startled to see that he really was pretty much what I expected. (Weird, huh? I'm so used to people being very different than they seem online.)

We met a few times.......and we are now calling our next meeting a "date". :p

[/quote]

Thanks for sharing that! I'm glad it worked out!


#13

I’ve had three online ‘dating experiences’:

1: The day I joined the website, a gentleman started talking to me, he seemed nice and we exchanged emails and eventually phone numbers. He asked to meet in person and I said yes, but a couple of days before we were scheduled to go on our ‘date’ my baby brother came down with swine flu. My mother couldn’t take care of him as she works in a hospital and if she caught swine flu as well there was a chance she could pass it on to some very poorly patients, so I decided to take the time off work and care for him myself. I rang this gentleman and told him of the rather unfortunate circumstances but that we would rearrange once my brother was better. He slammed the phone down on me and called me an idiot… I never did call to rearrange.

2: I met a gentleman online and he seemed lovely, we liked the same things, he lived in the same county as me, about half an hour away. We liked the same music, both supported the same football team etc, and we began writing lengthy emails to each other and talking almost every day. He asked to see some photos of me so I sent a couple etc, pictures where I thought I looked pretty nice (I was my mum’s bridesmaid when she got remarried to my father and I’d had my hair and make-up done professionally and was wearing my beautiful prom dress etc) and I never heard from him again! Obviously my face repelled him :stuck_out_tongue:

3: I gave up on the previous website and joined a different one for professionals or ‘aspiring professionals’. About 2 days after joining a young man started talking to me, not usually my type at all, in fact, completely different to me, he’s quiet, shy, whilst I am outgoing and quite loud most of the time and we even support opposing football teams, but I thought what the heck, let’s give it a go! So we began emailing every day, then exchanged phone numbers, and now, well, he told me he loved me last week, and I definitely feel the same. :thumbsup:


#14

Hi. i am new here.

i never dated online but i would like to try. does anyone have any suggestion what are the best sites for dating?

thanks, everyone


#15

wow - how cool. I married someone I met through CAF’er last year. Mine happened to be a local guy (AMEN for that).

Good luck to you.


#16

I briefly dated someone from the Catholic dating site. Long distance was not for me. Just as the OP, I also felt bamboozled by the person when I met him face to face. I gave it a few meetings and 4 months trial.....and moved on.

The written word can be so much different then the real person.

For the OP, you also need to decide if you are a person that can withstand the distance. I cannot. I have had a few long distance relationships ( 6 years, 2 years, then the last one above). I am not cut for it. I need the face time and hand holding.

That said, the dating sites are great for some, but probably not the majority.


#17

If this offends anyone I apologize ahead of time:

youtube.com/watch?v=5StHRrfUKgk

But I love the onion...

dj

PS I'm old, overweight, depressed, cranky and misogynistic. Any takers?


#18

I highly recommend CatholicMatch.com . I met my fiance on there…my sister met her husband on there. Two friends I know met their husbands on there…and several people I know met there husbands/fiances on there. I am constantly meeting couple who met on there and are married or getting married.

My fiance and I met on CatholicMatch. He was one of many guys I emailed with but the only one I actually met. We did not email a whole lot though. We connected quickly because we had had some similiar experiences and knew a few of the same people. We talked on the phone for 4 months before we met! I admit though, I knew from the moment I saw his profile we were going to have a special relationship. So a year and half later we are preparing for marriage! Its been wonderful! I used to think it was sort of…degrading to use a dating sight but I am constantly seeing how God is really using it to bring couples together ! So keep trying and leave the rest to the Holy Spirit!!!


#19

wow! thanks. i appreciate you answer. i am going to give a try but i confess this makes me very nervous.


#20

[quote="wisdomseeker, post:14, topic:178188"]
Hi. i am new here.

i never dated online but i would like to try. does anyone have any suggestion what are the best sites for dating?

thanks, everyone

[/quote]

New? After 2900 posts? I am a :confused: bit dubious.


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