My name is Zaiga, I’m a 19 year old girl from Latvia.
I am unsure of my vocation and would really appreciate some help.
This year on the Holy Week an Opus Dei numerarie and I went to Rome, we attended UNIV forum in Rome and met so many people from Opus Dei, and I got to know other numeraries & other members from all around the world.
On the third day being in Rome, someone jokingly said to me, that I should become a numerarie. They weren’t being serious, but the thought struck me and I could not stop thinking about it. I hated this thought, yet couldn’t get away from it.
I talked about this with the numerarie I had come with - she said, this is a sign that this might be my vocation. She also said, because I don’t have anything really keeping me away from choosing this path (don’t have a boyfriend or any attachments that would be an obstacle) this could be my calling.
The following days in Rome I spent holding back tears and being angry, pretty much.
Now, ever since I was 16 I’ve been praying God to give me a good husband and children. I hate the thought of being a numerarie (they don’t marry), but at the same time I see there’s something special about this, like, I cannot say, No, I won’t do this, with a peaceful heart.
So, could this really be my vocation or was it all because I was surrounded by numeraries I got this thought …
The numeraries told me, living in celibate for God’s sake is the best way of living, that marriage is just a reflection of love, that there will be no prince charming on a white horse, etc.
Tell me what you’re thinking as you read this, please! It’s impossible to hate one’s vocation, no?
Maybe I should learn to accept the fact that I had a plan for my life but God has another one in mind, probably a much happier one.
But I can’t bear the thought of not having children. I wanted like 10 and even have prayed for them and for my future husband almost every day.
And now, it turns out I’ve been praying for something God didn’t even want for me?
What do you think?