oral sex

If a woman has gone through menopaus 20 years ago and there is no chance of her ever becoming pregnant can she perform oral sex on her husband. Since she can’t get pregnant what difference does it make if he climaxes outside of her?

Read the story of Abraham and consult your priest.

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As far as I’m concerned no one can perform this act ever for any reason. We are not animals who lack reason. Married people are always to treat each other with dignity. I don’t care who has told you otherwise. I will belive it is permitted only when the Pope himself says so in the clearest tones.


I personally find oral sex to be grotesque. As a man who is completely straight and attracted to women, oral sex is not something that turns me on. It seems unnatural and rather animalistic to me.

Thanks for the replies I had already thought of Abraham I was just wondering what answers I would get. It doesn’t have to be by oral and yes this could be gross.It could be by her hand.

You can do a search on this topic, there has been much discussion about it in the past on CAF.

Well, the “by her hand” thing isn’t going to get you any concessions on THIS website. Catholics have rules, and lots of them, and touching the genitals in that manner is ONE.(I’ve always wondered if anyone has counted all the rules Catholics have)…the JEWS had 613 to live by.

I totally agree with you. Before I came into the church I had oral sex performed on me once and I couldn’t understand why the woman would want to do it. I was asked by a woman once to do it to her and I of course politely declined. :shrug:

Whether it’s for you or not is besides the point… it’s my understanding that it is something a husband and wife have every right to do with eacthother though he has to ‘finish’ the deed vaginally. While it’s not the noblest of sexual acts I don’t believe it to be sinful.

Since you are a Methodist, but you have counted all the Rules that the Jews have (not had) and you think that we Catholics have lots and lots of Rules, are you thinking of becoming one of us ? As you make no mention of all the Methodist Rules !!!

Why yes we have counted those rules. There are essentially 10 basic ones. They are called the 10 commandments. And if you look at them, you can see how we arrive at what we consider sins which is what you’re really referring to …not rules! There are a multitude of ways to sin which lead back to breaking the 10 commandments.

Btw, I’m from a very long line of Methodists, so I’m well aware of the rules that exist there and I know there are others here on CAF. In addition, I distinctly remember hearing on more Sunday mornings than not, about Wesley and what he believed and HIS doctrines. One has to wonder who they were really following. :wink:

Also what you’re referring to with the Jews was their “works of the law”. BIG difference!

Nice try. Oral sex is fine as long as it occurs on the way to intercourse where the act should culminate (for the male). From what I understand, this applies even where conception is impossible due to infertility, hysterectomy, or advanced age.

Some women like it.

You should have taken her up on the invitation. There’s nothing morally wrong with a man’s orally stimulating his wife prior to intercourse. It’s a beautiful thing. Pleasuring each other is fine provided that the main rules that sexual relations between married people be uniative and open to the transmission of life.

Thank you Boy Wonder. your comments were well received. Some of you are making me out to be some pervert or an animal.
But the fact is my wife and I have been married 20 yrs and very happily I might add. We both waited until marriage to have sex but she was never able to conceive because of early menopause and I was wondering how the church taught on this matter even though I kinda already knew the answer. Were not perverts we just were curious in trying something different. Thanks for the comments.

The Jews, following the Torah(the first 5 books of the Bible) had 248 positive things they should do, much like Catholics should eat fish on Fridays during Lent.  And the Jews had 365 negative things that they shouldn't do, much like Catholics shouldn't spill semen outside of the vagina.  The total amount was 613.  Much of this whole forum is about finding out what what the "rules" are..I see all the time on this forum "Is it OK for me to_____(you fill in the blank) ..if you like it worded differently, then it's,"finding out what is a "sin" in the opinion of the pope and bishops(both past and present) and apologists, and other Catholics".  And come on let's be honest, there are more things that are considered a sin in the Catholic Church than the 10 commandments.(This thread discussing just one of them)

As for Wesley he was a good person and that’s all(to me anyway). I personally haven’t heard him mentioned in the past 3 years at the church I attend. Probably a lot like Mother Theresa. Are you “following” Mother Theresa…of course not! You are following Jesus…like many of us are trying to, the best way we can.


I’m struggling to remember any reference to oral sex in the story of Abraham.

Are you guys talking about the men of Sodom demanding that they be allowed to “have relations” with the two angels who came to visit Lot in the city of Sodom? That isn’t necessarily oral sex but sodomy, which could be anal sex.

Could you guys point out where oral sex is in the book of Genesis? I’m not remembering it at all.


Well, now that I know this is going on I will stick to shacking hands at those family reunions!


Nothing wrong with trying to determine whether one sinned or not. The Pope, Priests, apologists and others provide advice on the matter as it relates to Scripture. The example you provide above about “spilling seed outside the vagina” is addressed in Genesis as it describes the sin of Onan. Surely you’ve read that before!? Search CAF on the matter, there’s plenty of threads on it as you obviously can imagine. The discussion of the sin of Onan was very specific regarding the unnatural selfish act he committed and how God detested it. He did it to deny creating life and for his own pleasure after he was told to marry his brother’s wife first, so he could then create offspring.

The 10 Commandments are somewhat broad and all encompassing. For example, Jesus clarifies this when describing that if you lust after a woman you’ve committed adultery in your heart, right? So its the same thing. As with the 7 “deadly” or capital sins! And btw, the Methodist Church does acknowledge the 7 capital sins. :slight_smile: I suppose its whether you wish to pick and choose which ones you THINK are related to them. We simply need to advice from time to time to help determine whether some act we committed (or omitted) is a sin.

When you do an examination of conscience, how do you determine what sins you’ve committed (or omitted)? Scripture like the rest of us? Pastoral advice? If you are left wondering and can’t seem to locate it in Scripture, how do you know? If you can’t find it, do you just shrug it off as though it doesn’t exist so whatever it was must be ok? :confused:

Does anyone know what Judaism and the Rabbis teach concerning Onan? Oh yes I am familiar with the story and the Catholic stance. But has it always been taught that why he was killed (however that was) and why he sinned? Because of spilling seed outside of the woman or because his job was to provide an heir for his brother?

This quote is from Rabbi Joseph Blair:

First, from my limited study of ‘normal’ psychology, and more specifically, of human sexuality, I understand that masturbation is a common, natural, and ‘normal’ activity for most human beings, starting at an early age; it becomes a problem when it is excessive, displaces other normal sexual outlets that may be available, or becomes abusive, compulsive, uncontrollable, or self-destructive. From this perspective, you, as an unmarried healthy male would very likely experience the urge to engage in this form of self-gratification – there is no surprise in that being the case.

Second, Judaism does not see sex as a ‘dirty’ or disgusting subject. Sex is a normal part of life, and when engaged in properly, in the correct setting with the appropriate partner, and with the proper kavanah, it is one of the sublime gifts G-d has provided to humanity, both for procreation and as an expression of deep and meaningful caring, communication, and sharing. So there is nothing about sex, including masturbation as a form of sex, that is forbidden in Judaism.

At the same time, I want to note that the act of masturbation is not approved fully in Judaism; by definition it violates the prohibition on ‘spilling seed’ that exists in historical and traditional Judaism. This is not often a topic of concern within the Reform ambit, so I will leave discussion of it to my colleagues in other movements. Suffice it to say that there are Jews for whom this aspect of the action will be troublesome; the sexual aspect is not the difficulty.

The term ‘sin’ as you have used it is perhaps misleading. In Judaism, we describe behaviors such as this (and most particularly at Yom Kippur – the day of atonement) as ‘missing the mark’, failing to live up to our highest ideals and self-aspirations. There is no assumption in Judaism that we always succeed in reaching our aspirational goals, but it is up to us to do our best to strive for them, and constantly to try to improve on how close we approach them over time.

In this view, masturbation is not a ‘sin’ as that is understood, but rather an action that is not reflective of the highest ideals we may hold. It does not render the person engaging in this action ‘unclean’, ‘tainted’, or ‘unfit’ in any way, and should not lead to any shaming, shunning, or self-abnegation. From a Reform perspective, it is not prohibited, ‘sinful’, or ‘dirty,’ and would be seen as a normal, healthy, and even acceptable behavior in which an unmarried person might engage in private.

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