A little background. I have been blissfully married for 10 years. We started dating when I was 15 Valentines day 1991 was our first real date and when he gave me his class ring. I’m 30 now, so this is our 16th St. Valentines Day!
He is an enlisted flyer in the Air Force, so is gone frequently, crazy schedule, flying all over the world, it’s hard work but he loves it and much of the time he gets a mini vacation to go see a Cathedral or historical or local site here and there, trips to Rome for sightseeing, climbing pikes peak, flying low level over the Grand Canyon, spending loads of time ina deluxe resort in Hawaii and Guam… The Eiffel tower, London, Dublin, Seville, all over Spain, the list goes on and on.
There have been many years where we were so burdened financially that we could’t afford gifts for each other, but we usually do something nice, even if it’s make a card or do something nice.
I am the dutiful wife, supportive, take care of the home and kids, keep up my appearance and keep him very happy in every other way… we have a great love life, I homeschool and for the past year have had awful health problems and am awaiting surgery. (you have probably read my other posts)
This year we had plenty of money to buy each other gifts for St. Valentines Day. He has been asking for a Sony PSP, so I totally surprised him and bought one complete with two great games, and case, the works. (over $300)
He had been out on a mission for a week. It has been very difficult to homeschool and manage everythign with my health problems, but I persevere. I am determined to plow through the pain, sadness, and worry to take care of my family. I am trying to do extra homeschool with the kids so it won’t affect their school work when I have surgery.
I was thilled that he made it home at 11 pm last night (Feb. 13) We went to sleep and I gave him his gift when he woke up. this morning. He was delightfully surprised and said “I almost bought one of these this week but they didn’t have any of the games I wanted where I was so I didn’t buy one.” He has been playing it almost nonstop throughout the day, helping here and there around the house (occasionally getting a drink of juice or helping with a math problem, but mostly just playing his game and feeling extrememly stressed.
My point of all this is to say that he had 3 days of “down time” in Germany because the plane was broken down and they were waiting for it to be repaired. So every day I was expecting him home and disappointed when he didn’t show. He was finally able to email me to let me know when he woud be home.
So he had all this time in Germany to go to resturants and hang out with his crew… He had pleanty of time to buy or make a card, write a love letter, buy a small gift, heck bring home a candy bar…
He didn’t give me a present at all… no card, no chocolate, nothing. All day he has just been full of stress, which is understandable with what we have going on (Surgery, illness, homeschool, endless AF missions and a pending move)
In fact he gave me a can of iced coffee from Germany to taste, I said "Wow that’s yummy! I thought he was giving it to me, but took it back and said “That’s the only one I have left…” I said, “Wow, you get a Play station Portable and the yummy coffee.” I was joking when I said that. He let me have the coffee.
I wasn’t really* expecting* anything… but now that the day is almost over I’m feeling a little sad… maybe a little unappreciated.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings by saying anything… but I made such an effort to give him a great gift, and he didn’t do anything for me.
I am the kind of lady who would appreciate a flower he picked out of the yard. I just like the effort and attempt to express what a person means to you. The expression of love.
IF he had given me any little thing, especially a hand made card or even one from the store with a cheap candy bar. I’m not high maintenence.
I guess it just makes me sorta sad.
Thanks for letting me vent. I don’t want to vent to him. I dont want to be petty or make him feel bad about it. It’s not about the gift, it’s about the effort and thought behind the gift.
Did all you married ladies get a card or gift or a special treat for St. Valentine’s Day? Is this just something that happens after being together, comfortable and happy for so long? Do some people just stop trying to make the other feel appreciated and loved on days like St. Valentines Day (which is also our anniversary)