This caught us totally off guard. Yesterday afternoon, we got a frantic phone call from some newly acquired friends that they were evicted from their home of over 20 years due to back payments of real estate taxes. Needless to say, they are emotionally, physically and spiritually distraught…and apparently, our friend’s wife was completely blindsided by the whole event, since he kept all their financial problems close to his vest. We helped moved their belongings that were strewn curbside to a temporary storage place & a local convent put them up for the night. Does anyone have any legal or counseling advice for us to pass along to them?
maybe you could help teach them how to become responsible with their money? sorry, I guess I dont have much sympathy for someone who lets themselves get into this type of prediciment. Shame on him for not being open w/ his wife on their finances, shame on her for not insisting that she be involved their finances, and shame on both of them for ignoring their finances.
but, here they are, in a bind and you want to help b/c they’re your friends. cant blame you for wanting to help, I’ve tried to help several of my friends in similar situations. what i’ve done in the past is lent books to friends on budgeting/saving/etc, helped them design a budget or bill paying system, and even shown them (the ones I’m comfortable enough with) how our budget works. sadly though, only 1 couple that i have helped in this area (our of 4) have actually improved their situations to a measurable degree. I was thinking that it was b/c im wasnt doing a good enough job of teaching them, but I think its more along the lines of you can only help those who want to be helped. oh, and pray for them also. sounds like they are hitting a very stressful time and need plenty of prayer.
I would suggest that you try to get your friends to contact Consumer Credit Counseling Services. They are a non-profit group that will help your friends pay off their debts and work out a budget. They are approved by the Better Business Bureau.
Interesting. That is almost the exact story Dr. Harley uses in his book, His Needs, Her Needs. www.marriagebuilders.com
Thank you for the links. I am going to be sure to give both of them to our friends. Thanks also for the prayers.
Depending on the state, it takes a long time to get to the point of being evicted for real estate taxes. Here in Illinois, the time line can even depend on the county- some counties are one year past a certain date, and others are two years.
But there is service of the tax lien, then service of the tax sale going final, then service of eviction- this has been happening to your friends at least a year, possibly even two years. So he knew.
That doesn’t get them what they need right now, however.
What they need right now are their own place to stay. You don’t say how big their family is, but they need to set up a plan to put together to get rent and a deposit for someplace to live. They don’t need to worry about paying their other bills right now, but they don’t need to be too comfortable with the good sisters. I know our local homeless shelter and assistance center helps people do that. You might give them a call and see if they have anything like that in your area.
Two helpful books I’ve found are* 7 Steps to Becoming Financially Free* by Phil Lenehan (with the workbook- don’t skip the workbook), and How To get Out Of Debt, Stay Out Of Debt, And Live Prosperously by Jerrold Mundis.
Wow, how judgemental. This is a Catholic site, you know.
Some people find themselves with money problems and often it has NOTHING to do with being responsible or irresponsible with money. Sometimes it’s just part of life and there’s nothing you can do about it.
As a person that has been blindsided with many financial catastrophe’s in my life, I find your statements very unkind and offensive. And they do absolutely NOTHING to help the op.
That’s what I was thinking - illness or unemployment can’t always be 100% planned for or catered for.
Blindsided is one thing. Deliberately keeping his wife in the dark is another matter. I don’t have much pity for him either. HER I do.
I’m not sure what the laws would be in that area, but generally if someone signs a lease or rental agreement for a home or dwelling, a landlord is obligated to give the tenant a certain amount of notice before evicting them, and eviction has to be done by legal means, not force. However there may have been warnings or lack of payment and the person responsible ignored them and kept this secret, so it is hard to judge.
It is hard to believe though, that the government would neglect to give notice. According to the OP, these people were not behind on rent/mortgage; they were behind on real estate taxes.
It would take a year to 18 months from the time they became delinquent until the time they were evicted. The Husband, at least, was not blindsided. That makes this a double tragdey-they are out on the street and the Husband knew it was comong and didnt let his wife know…
But the husband was hiding the problems from his wife!! Because he was behind on taxes, he obviously knew that the house was going to be lost eventually, but instead of preparing his wife for the eviction, he just hid the whole thing.
So, I disagree with you – the husband’s behavior has everything to do with being irresponsible.
masondoggy- Its unfortunate that you found offense in my comments. I will admit that i was in a horrible mood when i posted my reply (and had I been in a better mood, i likely would have just not replied). but, like many others have said, there are laws that protect people from just being dumped on the street with no notice, so chances are high that the husband at least knew what was going on, which would make him financially irresponsible. and, no matter if we are on a religious website or not (which btw, I have seen plenty of comments on this site that are WAY more judgemental than mine), it is still our responsiblity to keep our finances in line, right? God gave us the responsibility to take care of the gifts that he provides, right?
Although I will say that I dont think the wife is as much at fault, a wife simply can not sit back and let her husband call all the shots when it comes to money in todays times. no matter how much she trusts her husband, she needs to know what is going on with their money. period. if the wife is of the type that never paid attention to what was going on, this would make her financially irresponsible as well.
as for my comments not doing anything to help the OP, the whole next paragraph of my post was loaded with ideas for the OP to help her new friends.
st bruno–I realize your intent was not for all of us to debate about who is to blame for your firends situation, and I am sorry if I have caused your post to derail. I will continue praying for them.