Forgive the AWFUL word use/construction here. I'm having an unusual difficulty in expressing what I want to say.
For my entire life, I've always just sort of assumed that I'm called to matrimony. Even when I pray about other vocations, I've always felt it was a given that I was called to matrimony, and just differed on how that would happen, and on how I could serve God during my single years (teaching).
The past two days, however, I've felt this kind of crazy "draw" to the consecrated life, particularly to the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. Like... I can't really imagine myself being married. Sort of, I can see myself raising children or ummm having a house or something,or even having some shadowy, unknown husband, but not BEING MARRIED. This has always been the case, but I've always thought it was because I've had experience with all the details and not actual marriage. Since the sudden thought of "you might become a sister" dawned on me, however, I can imagine that really clearly. Maybe just because it's closer (in some ways) to the life I have right now?
It's so strange because I've always felt an almost gnawing, tangible desire to marry and have children, and that's melted into something that I still really like the idea of and want, but somehow just can't fathom really happening. Being a sister sounds terrifying, but I keep thinking about it at random odd moments.
What should I do or not do? IT's only been a couple of days, do you think I'm overthinking things and should just wait and see what happens? Or should I take this as an indication that it's time to more actively discern, whatever it is I actually AM called to? I'm nearly 19, so I suppose it's about time I become less passive in discerning, but I don't even know where to start....
I hope all of the above made sense despite my rambling. It was a bit "stream of conciseness" .