Hi everyone! Hope all is well! If I say anything offensive I’m not meaning to trust me…sometimes I don’t phrase in a way that makes sense I’ve come to realize.
I guess I’m having difficulties with the process between being a full member of the Catholic church. I haven’t converted yet and will not be until I move this time next year so I can do RCIA the new state I am moving to. I realize conversion in one city is the same as conversion in another, I just feel it would be good to know fellow newbie converts when I move. Not to mention RCIA just started up in my area and I’m just not ready yet. I know I have heard some people say they can do RCIA and be done as early as November instead of Easter. Are there RCIA classes that start up later in the year?
What I’m having problems with though is what do till I’m a full member of the Catholic Church? I don’t feel like I can fully be apart of either the Protestant church or the Catholic church. I can’t fully be apart of the Protestant church because I don’t believe a lot of what they teach now especially about communion being bread and grape juice. I go to a non-denominational church with my mom, but the more I learn about Catholicism the more I feel like an outsider in the Protestant church.
I can’t fully be apart of the Catholic church yet because I haven’t converted. I can’t receive the Eucharist so I just sit in my seat. I usually sit towards the back because I feel like I have a large stamp on my forehead that says Protestant since I am unable to participate in the entire Mass. So by sitting in the back I hope I’m less noticeable. Yes I realize it is perfectly fine to stay seated during the Eucharist because you should be in a state of grace to receive, but honestly I’ve never seen anyone stay seated except me and trust me I’ve been looking just so I wouldn’t feel alone. I attend a really large parish too (seven services a day) so it makes getting to know people difficult.
I attend Mass on my own and I don’t have any friends in the area that are Catholic I could attend with. The only Catholic I know is my boyfriend who lives 700 miles away in the state I’m moving to in a year. So I’m pretty much all alone in this process. My family (all Protestant) think I’m making a horrible mistake. Some have even gone as far to say I will not be a Christian when I convert which hurt to have them so set against it. So now I feel like an outsider in my own family
The Protestant church I attended my entire life was not truly following Christ’s teachings…but does that make me a bad person for not knowing that? Does that make them bad people for not being apart of the Catholic church? Many of the Protestant churches are still filled with Christ…just not in the way intended. I have a hard time coming to grips that some of the very people who gave me a love for Christ as mentors, pastors, family, and friends growing up would go to hell because they’re not in the Catholic church but are Protestant. Are my own parents destine for hell even though they are Christians just because they are not Catholic? Maybe my understanding is wrong…I feel like there is so much I don’t understand.
Again I’m not trying to offend anyone. I’m just venting frustrations with my inability to understand and looking for some advice. And I probably don’t understand any of this as I should…so if I’ve said something completely wrong please tell me! I feel like I am on this invisible fence line unable to be apart of either church. Sorry for such a long post. Will feeling like an outsider ever go away? I know the obvious answer is yes…but right now it doesn’t feel like that.