Overnight visits from non-married Couples


Hi! I have a dilemna that I am hoping someone out here can help me with, as I am not sure how to proceed on my own! A little background; I am a practicing Catholic (that means, I follow all the Church’s teachings…even the hard ones :stuck_out_tongue: ) currently studying towards a master’s degree. I live in a flat with two other girls, one a practicing Catholic and the other a non practicing Catholic. We respect each other and we are all adults; the only rule in the household is that no men can spend the night (this more referring to boyfriends/significant others). My dilemna is, my roommate who is not Catholic (let’s call her Sarah :slight_smile: ), is having an engaged couple over for the weekend and asked me if that was fine with me. I replied, yes, as long as they don’t sleep in the same room/bed. Sarah knows and respects my beliefs; unfortunately, she does not share them. My question is, as this is not “MY” house (we co-rent and all pay equally), can I really “demand” this of her friends? Sarah told me that while she respects my views, she also thinks that I need to respect hers, and that if her sister and the sister’s boyfriend come to visit, she is not going to be able to tell them that they cannot sleep together. Personally, I have a hard time dealing with the thought of having a non married couple sleeping together under “my” roof. What does the Church say about this? Or even a respected theologian? Am I forcing my beliefs on my roommate’s friends? I really want to do the right thing, on every front: I want to show God’s love, not a “set of rules” as, unfortunately, Christianity can sometimes seem to be to non -Christians. Have any of you gone through similar situations? What did you decide? How did it turrn out? Do you have any thoughts that could help me in this area? Thanks for everything!


go over the house rules you agreed upon, and remind her of her agreement.


You must live in a big house if there are three of you living there and have an extra bed for an a couple to sleep there. Guest are nice but not when the cause distrubtion to the fellow roomates lives.

I would suggest that you remind the roommate of your agreement and that yes the house is not yours but that you all agreed to the rules and need to adibe by them otherwise more and more “exceptions” to the rules will come up.


I am not an official church teacher, so for what it’s worth, here is my two cents:

I would remind my roommate of the agreement, and that you do not approve of two unmarried people sharing a bed under your roof.

That being said, I think that is about all you can do. You certainly cannot go in there and with brute force make these people sleep in separate rooms…you cannot wake in the night to make sure they are not committing sin either…

You are not forcing your beleifs on your roommate. When you agreed in the beginning that “no men could spend the night” did she really think that meant that only SHE could not sleep with a man in the house…but that any other friend or relative of hers could??? Come on…she knows it is wrong but will perhaps do it anyway. Remind her of this and tell her how disappointed that you are. Other than that, I don’t see as there is much else you can do. You can hardly hold a gun to their heads and force them to sleep separately.

Pray for them. I hope this helps.
I will pray for you too as this must be pretty stressful.


There are no perfect roommates! Believe me, I have had plenty of bad ones! Does this bother you enough for you to move out over this? If so, let her know that. Otherwise, remind her of the agreement, and leave it at that. She knows your beliefs, but chooses not to share them. If she does have the couple visit, I would let her know beforehand, that you hope this is the last time it happens.

Another approach would be to ammend the agreement, to only one guest at a time.

I know these situations are hard. Hang in there!




Hello amg,

  It must be hard to be doing what you're doing, trying to follow God's laws and commands for your own good and the good of the Kingdom while a couple of people who care little for that stuff come to your house and do what they like.  That being said, I feel for you, and I commend you for your courage.

  I heard a good saying about being a Christian, though, esp. when trying to convert somebody or show a good example.  It goes, "You have to love people 'where they're at' in their faith journey, or even lack thereof."  Not everybody develops a love for God and His just laws at the same rate and time.  So, while these folks are at your house, just show them as much love and respect as you can.  Maybe in doing this, you can be a good example to them, and they may even rethink their ways of doing things.

  Now, I only say this because it appears that it will only be one weekend.  If it becomes a pattern (like every other weekend), then you may have more cause for concern.  In this case, you can tell your roomate that you feel you are "helping" them to sin, and you don't like it.  But just one weekend, even every six months, I'd let that slide for the most part.  I hope you have fun with your visit anyway.  Try to spend a lot of time outside the house.  It would actually BE more fun that way and they'd have to keep their composure a lot more.  *hee hee*  God bless you!



Have you asked your other roommate, who is a practicing Catholic, how she feels about it? There is power in numbers, you know?


If you all share rent, I’m not sure you can ask her to have her sister and her bf stay out of the house…maybe you could sleep elsewhere for the night?


I am thinking in all rationale since this isn’t YOUR house, but the three of yours, you might just have to concede.

While I wouldn’t normally suggest you go stay elsewhere – meaning YOU pay rent, this is YOUR home, and YOU have a right to be there…you also don’t have the right to dictate what happens in your roommates live’s – or their guests. Soooo if it does bother you maybe you can concede and stay somewhere else? I personally wouldn’t bother with the strife over the situation, meaning: if you need to stay with these two girls, just let it go, pray a bit, stay elsewhere if you feel the need to, but let it go.

WOW how time has passed for me. It seems like yesterday I was in your shoes, and even if certain things DID bother me, I had to keep my mouth shut. Now as a mom to three, about to be four, and queen-bee of our household – heck NO would I allow it!!!

But we pay the bills. And in that, you share bills and responsibility, therefor you only get 1/3 the control. Say a prayer, do what you gotta do to get through the “visit” and look forward to the day when you are married, run your own house and can say: “OH HECK NO!”


You said your room-mate is not catholic, but did not elaborate. Has she ANY faith? Anything that she hold’s sacred?

:twocents: Try explaining to her that to allow this to happen in the house you live in would seriously undermine all that you hold to be true and holy. Tell her that this would be to you like a slp in trhe face, or a kick in the teeth. Tell her that you love her. tell her that you also love Jesus. Explain that if *anyone *did *anything *to hurt her, you would do all you could to stop them. In ths same way, you believe that allowing this would hurt Jesus. And you feel obliged to prevent him being hurt. Tell her that you are not telling her what to do (she has to feel like she has a choice) but that you would be grateful if she would respect your wishes.

Or you could ask your ***other ***room-mate to take a vote!


Like someone else said, when it’s YOUR house…YOUR rules. But since you share…then I Would say some prayers and let it go.


I had that happen one time. A couple was coming to visit and they lived together. They were staying the weekend at my house. So I joking (but I was serious) said, no hanky panky in my house. Needless to say, after that he slept on the couch! I was shocked, and relieved.


What a great opportunity to make an impact on this couple. Maybe by sticking to your Catholic convictions you will be able to touch their lives. Don’t forget that the Truth is written on their hearts. Sometimes all it takes is for what is written to be voiced.

My sister-in-law wanted to sleep over in our home with her boyfriend. My wife told her that they had to sleep seperately and they respected our wishes, but this was our home, a little bit different then your situation.

You’ll be in our prayers.


It’s not your house so you can’t force anything on them - however, if it bothers you that much, just don’t be there when they are, if that’s possible, or, go back over the original agreement, if it said no men staying over, then that’s it, no men staying over.


It sounds like your one rule wasn’t referring to friends and family visting. That being the case and since you all share things I think you need to make your feelings know, not harshly, then just drop it.

Personally I’m not sure what the big deal is really. It’s not your house so it’s not like you are in any way responsible for their sin, if indeed they do sin in the house you are staying in while they are there.



Couples who want to sleep together unmarried, I think, take upon themselves the obligation to provide for their own lodgings should the members of the household where they would like to stay object.

I know when DH and I were in that situation (hey, I never said I was perfect!) we either respected the wishes of the people whose house it was and slept apart, or we planned to get a hotel room. If we choose a lifestyle with which our elders/family disagree, then it is our job to finance it.

People who insist upon forcing their behavior on people who think it is sinful or wrong in those other people’s own houses are the height of RUDE. What ever happened to just good manners?

This kind of situation is what hotels are for.


Why don’t u just leave for the weekend. Because you are a perfect catholic ,dont put yourself in there sinful lives. You are a person who is without sin.:smiley:


Unless you are paying all the rent, then there is nothing much you can do. I think your friend has been very gracious towards you already. Say your prayers and leave it at that.


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