Oy veh. 8 year old, adds to the list


#1

The latest from my 8 year old son…
At my father in law’s house ,yesterday, he went on the computer, while the rest of us were watching a movie, and went to youtube and searched sx ( he used the actual word ) You can only imagine in your worst nightmares, what he found. My FIL said there were hundreds of videos on the browser history. Add pornography to the list. I know I shouldn’t have let him be on there by himself, but hindsight is always 20/20. We will talk to him, and also not allow him to be near any computer unless someone is sitting right next to him watching. We can’t even let him go to the bathroom in FIL house, or any house with a computer, unless we stand outside the bathroom door. I keep our home pc, logged off unless I am sitting there. Only my wife and I know the password, and we change it every 3 weeks or so. I don’t like to self judge, but I am wondering what we could have done differently. Also, where he learned the word sx, because we never say that in front of him.


#2

I know he saw some stuff he shouldn't have seen, but look on the bright side: at least he searched on Youtube, where they have content restrictions, and not Google.

As for where he learned the word: has he been to a grocery store? Can he read (I would hope so)? Then he's seen the cover of a Cosmo or any number of other magazines. I don't see why an 8 year old just knowing the word "sex" is a bad thing though.


#3

Maybe a father son talk about the birds and the bees is in order?

And a password protected computer.

He probably was curious about what it meant. when I was that age we didn’t have internet…so I looked it up in the dictionary and encyclopedia. He wasn’t searching for dirty stuff…and the fact that the poor kid found dirty stuff is sad.

I’ll pray for your little boy. I have a 9 year old boy…I can sympathise.


#4

At 8 years old he should know from YOU what sex is. My goodness, two years later I was having my period already!!

If you don’t talk to your kids about sex, someone else will. It sounds like it is well beyond the time for that talk.

~Liza


#5

parentfail.com/kids-dirty-dancing/


#6

[quote="Barbkw, post:5, topic:226860"]
parentfail.com/kids-dirty-dancing/

[/quote]

That's too disturbing to watch more than 40 seconds. And they captured over 5 minutes??!!!

Those adults should have their parental rights taken away.

However ....... giving a little bit of insight into why you feel this is relevant to the OP might be helpful.

~Liza


#7

Any advice on how much detail on the topic in question to give said 8 year old?


#8

We normally handle it by allowing him to come to us questions and then answering them honestly.

How much does he know yet?

My son is the oldest, he’s seen sonograms for his siblings, he knows the babies grow in their mother.
He knows that the mother and the father contribute part for the baby. So far he hasn’t asked how they do that. But I guess that might not be too far away.

He actually thinks that I conceived his little brother because “I prayed for a little brother.”


#9

"How much detail..."

Super question!(Sorry to piggyback on your post, but I'm in the quandry too) And are there any good books? I'm interested in the "Theology of Her/His Body" book by Jason Evert but it's for teens and my twin girls are only 9. They know some basics about where babies come from and generalities about s*x, but details are very sketchy. I want a book that's Catholic based.

Thanks for letting me butt in on the conversation. :o


#10

To raise awareness about the conditions in which other children are raised to either respect or disrespect male/female sexual interactions.

While the OP is guarding and guiding his son, the mothers on this video are introducing sexual intercourse as something that passes time at a birthday party.

Until I saw this video, I thought that all parents protected their children (at least to some extent from forming incorrect preceptions about female/male relationships and sexual intercourse).

If this video is an indication, it appears that no matter how shielding the OP is with his son’s eyes, that the effect may be undermined by his son’s interaction with classmates at school.


#11

I was watching Bloodmoney on EWTN, the documentary produced about Planned Parenthood by Dr. Alveda King.

A nurse who had worked for Planned Parenthood (she was involved in 35,000 abortions), talked about how Planned Parenthood and liberal school teachers will introduce sex & contraception into the classroom and young adults immediately form a mental attachment to Planned Parenthood as the go-to center for sexual knowledge.

For those of you with children, that program is a must see.

I wish that EWTN would replay the program, but I've done a search and it was a one time viewing this week.

View trailor at: bloodmoneyfilm.com/


#12

[quote="traillius, post:1, topic:226860"]
Also, where he learned the word s*x, because we never say that in front of him.

[/quote]

Welcome to the not so new millenium?

Unless you lock your kid in a room with the blinds shut and no TV, internet or radio at all, there are a multitude of ways he can learn about sex. I remember when I was a bit older, there was already some talk of it between some kids at school. I do not think any of us actually understood what it is, but we were starting to become aware of what it is.


#13

I agree with this. Thirty years ago, when my daughter was 10, she came home from school one day, asked us to sit at the table with her, then proceeded to describe the whole sex act in DETAIL, and asked my husband and I if it was true. I was in shock. She heard it on the school bus from other students. I was too late in having a talk with her at the age of 10, and that was in the 80’s, when things weren’t near as bad.

Her reaction, however, to being told it was true, did secretly amuse me: WHO WOULD DO A THING LIKE THAT???

I was totally unprepared for this and had to do the best I could with an off-the-cuff sex lesson. And her 8 year old brother was sitting at the table with us, as we had no idea this was going to happen. He got his lesson that day, too. It was one of my worst parenting days ever. No chance to thoughtfully introduce the subject, buy a book to guide me, or anything. BAM, there it was.

If I were you, I would have that talk NOW, because kids are much more savvy these days, and he is going to hear it from some other kid, guaranteed 100%. And who knows what bit of misinformation he might get that way.


#14

My mom was only 16 when she had me. When I was about 6 or 7 she had the talk with me, and we read a book together called Where Did I Come From?. She was young, but she knew first hand what having sex at an early age could lead to (me! :o ). There were no surprises for me, I didn’t have kids telling me on the playground or figuring it out in snips of conversations here and there. So when I did get exposed to porn the first time around 10 or 11 years old (someone had ripped up a magazine and strewn it all over my elementary school play ground :frowning: ) I knew what it was. But my mother is not Catholic so it was all pretty straight forward and clinical for me, no theology or morality, just the mechanics and the consequences. :rolleyes:

This was in the early 70’s. Free love was (still) everywhere. There were kids in my elementary school talking about girls who would give oral sex in the elevator of the Woolworths store. So things haven’t gotten that much worse really, just changed how open kids are about it now.

Anyway - I’m shocked that a parent would not be having conversations with their children about their own body (which is going to lead to sex on some level) by the age of eight. That just seems very irresponsible to me.

~Liza


#15

Yeah, by 8 you DEFINITELY need to talk to him.
Frankly, I am surprised he HASN’T asked questions already!!

My oldest had tons of questions very early on…each led naturally to more details, and he had a lot of information very early on. By 1st grade, each knew where a baby came from and how a baby was made. They knew the clinical stuff.

This is a resource we use in our Catholic School.

And you comment, “Also, where he learned the word s*x…” is very telling. Every 8 year old KNOWS the word. If they can read, they see it (and let’s face it, 8 year olds can read). If they can hear, they hear it. So the question really is, WHO is going to explain it? You? Or someone else?:shrug:


#16

My son is 10, and back during the 2nd week of advent when we celebrate the Immaculate Conception, we had to have a talk. I swear, I think the priest must have said "Virgin Mary" and "Untouched by man" atleast a dozen times each in his homily. I think he was trying to set a record. It was like he was fixated on those 2 phrases. I was kinda frustrated because if he had not harped on it so much, my son never would have even noticed.

Also, I am very frustrated with ABC Family. This is a TV stations dedicated to FAMILY programing, yet they have Trojen commercials, and KY Intensity commercials and other innapropriate advertising for a stations that is supposed to be FAMILY oriented.


#17

Not all 8yos need to have the talk. My ds is 9.5yo and the closest he came to asking anything NEAR the question about sex is “Mom, what are the facts of life?” This because he read the phrase in a Family Circus cartoon. Otherwise, he may see the word sex here and there, and he certainly knows the Blessed Virgin Mary’s titles and about the Immaculate conception, but he has not been curious enough about the details to ask. And I’m pretty sure he hasn’t gotten the info elsewhere.

Now back to the OP’s son: If he goes to school, he probably heard the word from one of his classmates. There are also a myriad of other ways to be exposed to that word, and like another suggested, his search might have been innocent.

Your question, “how much detail do you give an 8yo?” My normal answer would be not much - because I am waiting until my ds is 10 to have “the talk.” At that point, we (probably dh) will read “The Joyful Mysteries of Life” and explain the mechanics of sex, as well as the theological meaning of it, using wording that he can understand. But if your son has already seen the sex act on the computer, I think the cat is pretty much out of the bag. I would start out asking him what he saw - get some details from him. No need to give him too much information on the long shot that he didn’t actually see that much. And then explain the meaning behind what he saw. This is the way God intended husbands and wives to make babies. This is something that is to be shared between husbands and wives only, and the people who he saw on the computer were not using their bodies the way God intended. etc…Also, depending on what types of video he saw, it could be quite disturbing - could look violent, and he could’ve seen acts that are specifically disordered. He should know that not all of what he saw was necessarily the way God even wants married people to do it. You don’t have to go into details unless he asks, but know that as he gets older, you will want to cover more details about chastity before AND after marriage. Not all at 8 though.

I’m so sorry this has happened.


#18

[quote="ThyKingdomCome, post:17, topic:226860"]
Not all 8yos need to have the talk. My ds is 9.5yo and the closest he came to asking anything NEAR the question about sex is "Mom, what are the facts of life?" This because he read the phrase in a Family Circus cartoon. Otherwise, he may see the word sex here and there, and he certainly knows the Blessed Virgin Mary's titles and about the Immaculate conception, but he has not been curious enough about the details to ask. And I'm pretty sure he hasn't gotten the info elsewhere.

Now back to the OP's son: If he goes to school, he probably heard the word from one of his classmates. There are also a myriad of other ways to be exposed to that word, and like another suggested, his search might have been innocent.

Your question, "how much detail do you give an 8yo?" My normal answer would be not much - because I am waiting until my ds is 10 to have "the talk." At that point, we (probably dh) will read "The Joyful Mysteries of Life" and explain the mechanics of sex, as well as the theological meaning of it, using wording that he can understand. But if your son has already seen the sex act on the computer, I think the cat is pretty much out of the bag. I would start out asking him what he saw - get some details from him. No need to give him too much information on the long shot that he didn't actually see that much. And then explain the meaning behind what he saw. This is the way God intended husbands and wives to make babies. This is something that is to be shared between husbands and wives only, and the people who he saw on the computer were not using their bodies the way God intended. etc...Also, depending on what types of video he saw, it could be quite disturbing - could look violent, and he could've seen acts that are specifically disordered. He should know that not all of what he saw was necessarily the way God even wants married people to do it. You don't have to go into details unless he asks, but know that as he gets older, you will want to cover more details about chastity before AND after marriage. Not all at 8 though.

I'm so sorry this has happened.

[/quote]

I agree with this. I tried to discuss body changes with my daughter when she was about 8 years old, and she completely shut down. She is 11 now, and we have since gone to one of those Mother Daughter Teas and she did listen when we were there, but I wouldn't feel anxious or desperate if you have a child who just does not want to hear it. Our older daughter (now 15) was the same way up until about 7th grade.


#19

[quote="ThyKingdomCome, post:17, topic:226860"]
And I'm pretty sure he hasn't gotten the info elsewhere.

[/quote]

If he is around other kids at all, it has probably come up in some form or another.

I fail to understand why parents are so afraid to communicate with their children about these basic issues as an ongoing dialog from early childhood. They are doing their children a disservice, in my opinion.

A 5 year old with questions will ask mom and dad. A 12 year old with questions will ask friends if there is no history of these types of discussions with parents.


#20

[quote="Catholic90, post:19, topic:226860"]
If he is around other kids at all, it has probably come up in some form or another.

I fail to understand why parents are so afraid to communicate with their children about these basic issues as an ongoing dialog from early childhood. They are doing their children a disservice, in my opinion.

A 5 year old with questions will ask mom and dad. A 12 year old with questions will ask friends if there is no history of these types of discussions with parents.

[/quote]

He is around other kids, but most of them are homeschooled like he is, and fairly innocent. There are a small number of kids who are not as innocent, but he doesn't see them as often, and I suspect it hasn't come up.

I am not afraid of discussing this with my kids. There is such a thing as too early. was told the facts of life too early and it destroyed my innocence. My children know plenty about biology, they have asked how the babies come out and I tell them. If they ask, I answer. This child doesn't care about such things, and he doesn't ask. Because he seems to not need that information based on his own development, I am waiting longer than I would a kid who either was developing early (mentally or physically) or a kid who has a lot of contact from other kids. We have had an ongoing dialogue since early childhood. There is A LOT to discuss that doesn't include the exact mechanics of reproduction. It is important:
a-to lay a foundation for that information rooted in truth and faith
and
b-to give the right amount of information at the right time, which means not so early that you hurt their innocence, and not so late that they get all their information elsewhere. Hopefully parent's are not clueless about what information their children are encountering. I am thankfully in a situation where my kids actually ARE insulated to a degree from those details, and I am pretty knowledgeable about their influences. OTOH, parents can also be naive in their understanding of how too much information can also corrupt a child. It can go both ways.


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