Parenting advice needed: Mothers only please


#1

Theres something, thats, been kinda irking me…and…its really kind of personal because it concerns my daughter. So please, dont be judgmental or critical of her, shes only 5, and, shes my baby I will totally get offended…

Shes a good kid…I dont have any problems with her hitting/kissing/ or any kinda misbehavior with other kids…

But she has like, this fascination with me, and, my parts. I’ve also been VERY CLOSE with my daughter, we do EVERYTHING together, I mean we really have this intimate bond…

and, ever since she was a baby, you know, thats your kid, you get changed in front of them, occasionally I’d take a bath with her…I feel shes an extension of myself…it just doesnt bother me…

And I totally teach her about respect for body, and privacy…if her father was in the picture obviously he wouldnt be doing these things with her…and likewise she knows not to change or what have you infront of strangers…so…its just me…

But in the past couple months, she like, cant get past, certain ‘parts’…and its kinda makes me trip out, cuz like before she didnt even notice…now she wants to grab and touch at things, and I tell her, those are my private parts and please dont touch, just like how other people shouldnt touch yours…

I KNOW for a fact nothing crazy is going on, cuz my kids always with me…you guys may not understand this, but I mean - ALWAYS. cept for the 2 hrs shes in kindergarten…

I think mayyybe, it may have something to do with our cat just having kittens…she’s really, i guess, amazed at the whole suckling thing, and when I told her as a baby, thats what she did, you know, thats what babys do…I think it may be curiousity, but…my other friends THEIR kids didnt do that??? should i be worried? or is this just a phase?? should i have the ‘sex’ talk with her? :eek: I dont want her to be ‘sexualized’ if theres…even such a thing…know what I mean?? is there a way to handle this situation…without maybe saying more than i need to?!

This is my first and only kid…so…idk, i just thought that if i was gonna ask for advice theres some pretty good hearted people on here and i’m sure its gonna be better than what I’d get from my friends…


#2

Start teaching modesty and respect from day one :slight_smile:

Modesty does not mean you are ashamed of your body, you just know what is private.

IMHO, time to stop taking baths together. Be private when you change clothes, etc.

A good book to know what do do and say as she gets older is Mast’s work at www.sexrespect.com . There is another good book called “The Joyful Mysteries of Life”, and one called “The Princess and the Kiss”. All from good solid Catholic authors.

Remember when you talk about parts, talk about marriage.


#3

Oh I totally do…she already knows (in a way a 5 yr old understands) that shes cant do anything with anyone unless theyre married…lol…its a REQUIREMENT as far as shes concerned…and if anyone comes and tells her otherwise theyre gonna be in big trouble lol…

and thank you!! i think ive heard a little about the ‘sexrespect’ book on catholicradio…i will check that out…thats a looming question ive had, WHEN to have the talk…and just HOW MUCH to talk about…or WHEN exactly i should have separate privacy from her…I’m 28 and I’d still get changed infront of my mama…

I mean shes only in kindergarten…i’d really rather not, she has no business with those kinda things on her brain…but at the same time, I dont want to shelter her…or…have her go looking for her own answers…


#4

Charlotte…you mentioned that you feel like she is an extension of you. I think that is a part of it. You guys are probably very bonded and she sees you as an extension of herself. I read somewhere that up until 2 years of age or so, a child does not even realize they are a seperate person from her mother. Maybe now that she is going to school and getting her own identity, she is realizing that she is seperate from you and physically differnent. She probably has a curiosity and thinks you are beautiful. You can explain that her body will change and someday she will look like you. Maybe once she knows that, she will be less curious as to WHY you look different. No need to bring sex into the conversation…and actually the cat having kittens seems like a great way to explain things to her. Human mommies do the same thing as cat mommies, etc.
I think is important not to make her feel like she is being punished or ashamed for having this curiosity. None of this sounds alarming to me at all, its probably just a phase.

I know a lot of people are discussing modesty…I have always changed in front of my mom or talked to her while she was in the shower, etc and I’m 26.


#5

Sorry, just realized you wrote “mothers only” - I hope you will accept my non-mother advice. Oops.


#6

I wouldn’t be surprised that the cat having kittens is what brought on her recent interest in the purpose of human body parts. Your daughter is naturally thinking about human biology and how humans are similar and different from cats. It’s not too early to explain some aspects of the human reproduction system.

But you say you “tell her” about private body parts but I think it’s time to start modeling privacy and modesty. Modesty is not just something females should practice in the presence of males or males in the presence of females. It’s something that all people need to practice with all other people.

You need to model modesty for her so she can see it in action. This is not to say that either of you are ashamed of your bodies. And of course there are very legitimate reasons and places for people to have to see the “private parts” of others.

You made a very interesting statement: “…I feel shes an extension of myself…it just doesnt bother me…” But I think modesty includes respecting the fact that we are NOT extensions of each other. We are separate beings.


#7

Your right. Your totally right. I just, I guess never thought of her having to be modest, with me in the privacy of our own home. And that may be partly because of how I was raised. I just never thought that she would ever have to be like that, with me…its hard to explain…not that she doesnt have to be modest in front of me, because she should be modest at all times, but more like, I’m the one person, her mother who made her, and its just ok…

I guess my mom raised me that it was ok to change infront of other girls…you know, girls with the girls, boys with the boys…like in P.E at school girls change together…me and my best friends used to change infront of eachother, share clothes…

I always thought of modesty, in the sense of her wearing appropriate clothing, nothing short or low…behaving like a lady…and those are things she does…but, again, my mother has made mistakes in parenting that I’ve had to live with the consequences of so I could be incorrect in my line of thinking…I DO appreciate the different perspective and just want to do whats right for my kid.


#8

I think kids are naturally curious about “private parts”…I stopped changing in front of my daughter when she was 5 b/c she she really started noticing what private parts are. When she becomes too curious, just keep telling her private parts are meant to be private and we don’t touch anyone elses, (gently tell her , of course)…she’ll eventually get the picture…:slight_smile:


#9

In general I think there is nothing intrinsically wrong with females changing in front of females and males in front of other males. This can be one of those legitimate times where seeing the bodies of others is appropriate. But your daughter is evidently at a stage where she *needs *the separation. You can probably relax this at some point in the future.

In addition to the modesty aspect your daughter needs to see you as the authority figure rather than as an equal. (I have a feeling you may need to recognize this fact as well.) Demanding some additional privacy from her may help both of you in that area.


#10

I don’t know if this has so much to do with a lack of modesty as it does natural curiosity.

She’s five, and she’s noticing things in a different light. Could definitely be she has made the connection between the suckling of the kittens at their mom and your breasts. Have you explained to her, that mommies have breasts, and they are for feeding babies just like the kitty mom feeds hers? She’s at that age where pregnancy and babies and all of that is fascinating, so maybe all she needs is some elaboration on the whole thing, pregnancy, nursing etc.

Of course she should also be taught that while it’s OK to be curious, it’s not OK to touch people’s body parts without their permission, that you will answer her questions, (and maybe you can look at some books, for the visual part of it).

There was another thread, or two, not long ago on the same subject, similar aged girls. I don’t think this is too out of the ordinary and nothing to be worried about.


#11

I do have a problem with this…the word that someone has thrown at me, actually, is ‘co-dependant’. My mother and I werent close, infact- were still not, and I dont have a lot of family out here, and I want so much better for myself and my daughter I’ve cut out a lot of ‘friends’ and/or 'aquaintances. I’m content just being with my kid, and devoting myself to her. Authority isnt really an issue, I pretty much only have to say something once and she listens, but I do worry as she gets older, I dont want her to think of me as her ‘best friend’ rather than her ‘mother’. But I wonder if thats impossible, without a male role in the house?


#12

I have…hoping that it was just curiousity and she’d leave it alone…lol, but now she wants to grab at em’ and see if milk comes out and I tell her its not gonna happen but shes just…lol…cant get it out of her brain man…and shes askin’ when shes gonna get em…lol…I’m sure its just growing up and curiousity…my baby!!! awww…

I just dont want to make any wrong moves…thnx you guys for the convo and advice.


#13

Sounds like she is just craving more info.

how about getting some books about mommies and babies?

As for the when will I get them question, a simple, “when you’re older” or “when your body is getting ready to grow into a grown woman”, will probably suffice.


#14

Hi Charlotte! :slight_smile: GOD BLESS! I just want to share with you that my daughter was kind of curious like that but now at age 10 and 11, but that’s because I stopped changing infront of her since she was 4…when she asked what was that on my chest?! LOL I let her know they were her bottles when she was a baby! She said oh ok did I get good milk then?! LOL kids!!!

She too is maturing so she is curious and wants to know more…I have spoken with her and is now better understanding… I don’t think you need to be worried, my niece was curious at that age…all my sister did was tell her that mommies have those and babies don’t now that she’s 7 she’s a little less curious but you catch her once in a while trying on her mother’s bras! LOL So my sister tries to keep her curiosity down by spending more time with her and keeping her busy her mind interacted with dancing or singing or other sports etc…Keeps her curiosity down and mind out of the thoughts…

I know that it seems difficult and you don’t like what your friends are hearing but it’s normal…Children are always curious…My mother said that out of all of us the youngest was curious about her body parts he’s a boy, she told him that girls have different bodies than boys, he was 4, he just accepted it and left it at that…lol

So just don’t panic and let her see that you are panicking, or freak out, believe me doesn’t work, I gotta give my daughter another “TALK” next january before the school does and I don’t know where to begin… :frowning: SO yeah…Just be calm and be honest with her you know? Let her know that they were used to feed her etc… GOD BLESS and good luck! :smiley:


#15

Wow, my dd is 5 and let me tell you, your daughter is up to par (if based on my dd). Now, my dd won’t touch me, but when out in public, she’s still too young (imo) to be standing outside of the stall of the restroom from me and just that alone leads to many questions pertaining to body parts. She’s also seen me change diapers of boy cousins and is now asking why God made girls and boys different (“why do boys have peepees and girls don’t, mommy?”) :o It’s the desire to gain knowledge of one’s self, to learn more about how things, and people, work. During that time of the month, my dd always asks “why?” and I try to explain about how it is healthy and a way God let’s women know that their bodies are healthy. At Kohl’s or wherever, since she’s a size 8, there are training bras, she wants one (probably because mommy has them, and let’s face it, the training ones are cute in their opinion). I think it’s just the age of discovery for them (what age isn’t?)


#16

Your daughter sounds very healthy to me and she has a very normal healthy curiousity. I think it’s so cute that she’s trying to grab your boobies to get milk. Bless her!

I would just tell her upright if she asks what your body parts are and what they are for. When she tries to touch, just say that they are mommy’s private parts and not for touching.

I too think you need to begin changing in private, but that is just soooo darn cute!!! You will look back on this memory and cherish it! How sweet!!

She will grow out of it in a month or two I’m sure.

I remember I was babysitting a 3 year old and she kept asking if she could watch me pee. I went to the toilet to pee and she came running in just to watch. How cute is that!!! I just told her that she couldn’t watch b/c I might accidentally pee on her head :slight_smile:

Kids are just so cute sometimes…!!!


#17

BWAH HaH hAA!! LOL!! girl- if I had milk…LOL…it woulda came out my nose!!! LMBO lol…thats too funny…


#18

Our daughter sounds just like yours - persistent!
She thinks it’s funny to put my bras on and goes around saying '‘I’m a lady!’'
She also copies her daddy by covering her private parts whilst in the bath because he does that if she walks in. Now she won’t let me anywhere near her, so they can go both ways!


#19

I haven’t been through all of the posts, but I had to chime in as I have recently had a very similar issue with my almost-five year old. She has taken an interest lately in my breasts…basically “petting” them, for lack of a better word. Like you, she sees nothing weird in it, but it makes ME uncomfortable.

I wish I had good advice for you, but honestly, I think this is just a stage she’s going through, and no amount of “those are mommy’s private parts” conversations seem to be helping. So, while I can’t offer advice, I can say, take heart–at least you’re not alone! :slight_smile:


#20

Hi Charlotte408–

What you are describing is totally normal:) speaking as a mother of 8 (4 girls 4 boys). I grew up in a veeeeerrrry modest home…so when my children did stuff like not letting me pee with the door shut or watching me undress or trying to touch me it really freaked me out. You’re “Mom” she trusts you and she has questions that only you can answer. If it’s freaking you out alittle just stop undressing in front of her for awhile until her fascination fades:)


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