I have a problem right now that I really feel is too private to share with someone other than my fiancé and his family, so I thought I would write it here and get some input.
**A bit of background **- I am 26 (Hispanic… that may actually be important in my story) and my fiancé is 28 years old (American). My fiancé and I have been dating for almost three years now and got engaged recently to be married this September. Before we started officially dating, my boyfriend asked my dad for permission to date me and he granted it to him. Afterwards, for some reason, my parents started getting really weird around me and around him to the point that they didn’t want me to spend time with him or didn’t want him to come over (I lived with my parents at the time). They told me that they didn’t like him and when I asked them why, they say that they “didn’t know”. They made me choose between them and my boyfriend and if I happened to choose the latter, I had to move out of the house. I chose to move out for many other reasons, not only that one, and two years passed without really talking to my parents, because they were verbally abusive even threatening to kill my boyfriend. Anyway, they started making up things about us (e.g. that we lived together, that I was going to get pregnant and that I paid for everything he had). Well, we are both virgins, we are old-fashioned (so we don’t live together) and no, I don’t pay for his stuff—he has a full-time job.
Two years passed and my boyfriend and I really wanted to get married, but we wanted the wounds with my parents to be healed before taking that next step. Well, I have reconciled with my parents for several months now and this past December I had told my parents that my boyfriend and I wanted to get married this summer. My dad said that we should probably wait a little longer, but that if we decided to get married this summer he would respect it. Well, we got engaged in March and asked for their blessing and they say that they wouldn’t give it, because we wanted to get married in September. They wanted us to wait a year or so more so they could get to know my fiancé. They say they can’t approve the marriage if they don’t know the person whom I’m marrying. I can totally understand this point, but at the same time, we have delayed marriage and being together and starting a family (that we want so badly) because of them and their unjust behavior towards our relationship and now they want us to wait another year? They say that my fiancé and I don’t know each other well and they don’t have any evidence for that given the fact that we didn’t talk to them over two years. They also say that they don’t know his family (they live 1000 miles away from us), so they can’t approve because of that either. They already met his dad after we got engaged, but now they say they don’t like him either, because he has different “values” than my family. Now they are making up lies about how my fiancé didn’t really graduate from college ever and that he is lying to me and he doesn’t really love me and just manipulates me, etc. Not only they want me to wait to get married, but on top of that they think it is OK to slander my future husband and his family with no basis whatsoever.
The problem - We already have a priest, church, reception hall, invitations ordered and I even have a wedding dress that I bought without my mom, because she didn’t want to come with me. My parents’ names are not on the invitation, because they asked me not to put them. In short, they are not coming to the wedding… why? Because we wouldn’t wait until next year…(When they say “next year” doesn’t mean January or anything like that… it has to be in the summer of 2009) My dad has threatened me to cut me off from the family if I get married in September. I can understand not going to a wedding if you know the fiancé was abusive or had a criminal history of some sort, but none of that applies here. All of our friends and people who know us well as a couple are extremely happy that we are getting married…
We have both prayed so much about our vocation and we feel the call to marry each other. We just can’t wait to become husband and wife and become parents as well. This is exactly what my parents don’t understand and it is why we have made the decision to get married in September regardless of my parents’ position. I understand this is going to be painful even after the wedding, but I had to make a decision for my vocation—my future husband and my future family.
Any thoughts or advice as to how to make these next few months a bit more bearable? What would you do as a parent in this situation?