[quote="EasterJoy, post:20, topic:250922"]
I have found it worthwhile in my interactions with my kids and in refereeing them that two formulas are important:
1) Apologies don't work unless the apology comes after the "but":
Excuse Wording: I'm sorry I yelled, I shouldn't have done that, but I'm really tired.
Apology Wording: I'm really tired, but I'm sorry I yelled. I shouldn't have done that.
2) There is almost never just one responsible person. Assigning blame to someone else does not automatically take the heat off of you. Examples:
"Mommy yelled and shouldn't have" does NOT imply "You were a good girl" any more than "You were being naughty" implies "Mommy can yell all she likes."
Rather, you can say, "Mommy shouldn't have yelled at you, and you shouldn't be using my things without asking. We both have something to work on, don't we? What shall we do about that?"
As I tell my kids, if you use other people's bad behavior as an excuse for yours, you'll always be the worst-behaved person in the room. Until everyone else acts right, you'll give yourself a reason why you don't have to! When others misbehave, we have to find good ways to respond to that. We aren't allowed to just react any way we like, and blame it on them.
great points and thank you!