Parents-Your opinion please


#1

Husband and wife have 3 children, whom of course they love equally. We'll name them A, B and C for simplicity. Family does everything together, as it should be. Child B breaks a finger early in the summer, and the doctor says no swimming for 6 weeks. So, does this mean no swimming or going to the beach for children A and C, since B cannot swim? Or does life go on for A and C and B learns that life does go on, and sometimes you just have to sit by and watch.

Another example using the same family. Child C gets ill on Easter morning. Dad, A and B go to Mass, and not to a family party that A and B want to go to, and since C is sick, the family stays together and does not attend the family party.

Opinions?


#2

[quote="belmontmac, post:1, topic:203549"]
Husband and wife have 3 children, whom of course they love equally. We'll name them A, B and C for simplicity. Family does everything together, as it should be. Child B breaks a finger early in the summer, and the doctor says no swimming for 6 weeks. So, does this mean no swimming or going to the beach for children A and C, since B cannot swim? Or does life go on for A and C and B learns that life does go on, and sometimes you just have to sit by and watch.

Another example using the same family. Child C gets ill on Easter morning. Dad, A and B go to Mass, and not to a family party that A and B want to go to, and since C is sick, the family stays together and does not attend the family party.

Opinions?

[/quote]

In my opinion, A & C should not be penalized because B broke a finger. The reality is that life does go on and sometimes you do have to sit by and watch. There are times when everyone can't participate in something. I think stopping all activities because one child can't participate in them might give that child a somewhat unhealthy idea that the world stops for them. Now maybe mom could take A & C to the beach of the pool and dad could do something else fun with B? But I think it is unfair to the other children to make them sit out activities because one can't participate.


#3

In 4th grade my daughter broke both her arms the first weekend of summer vacation. She managed to amuse herself at the pool without getting in all the way (no beach because of sand getting into casts).
If your child is very young it might be hard for him/her to handle watching everyone else splashing around, though.
Definitely do not "punish" the other kids by keeping them away from pool and beach. It can only cause bad feelings.
Good luck ;)


#4

Its good for children to learn to offer up such misfortune at a young age, and it teaches them to have humility, that the world does not revolve around them whcih can only make them better people.


#5

Why no swimming? Isn't there some type of waterproof thing that can be put on the finger? What about baths and showers?

No, kids should go and enjoy and the one with the broken finger can amuse himself making castles or whatever. And the kids should have gone to the party offering to bring back a piece of cake etc. to the sick sibling.

My oldest never went to a b-day party without bringing home something to his little brother...piece of cake or one of the prizes he got. His idea. Sweet.


#6

I raised two children who were only 16 months apart in age. So there were many instances when one child was ill or for some other reason could not do the same things the other child could do. I agree with the other posters about the swimming. The child with the broken finger might be able to wade in the shallow water if he/she is old enough to do so without disobeying the doctor's orders. Or the parents could play games with that child while the other parent supervises the swimmers. To keep the other children out of swimming would be unfair. And 6 weeks is a major portion of the summer!

As for the other scenario - I would think it depends upon what sort of family party it is. If it is a 4th of July get-together, for example, I believe I would have the whole family stay away and do something they can all participate in that the ill child could still somewhat enjoy. But if the "family party" was, for example, a 50th wedding anniversary party for the grandparents --- I think one of the parents could briefly attend (with or without the other two children) then make their excuses and go back home. To me it depends upon how important the family party is to the attendees. Such things as weddings or significant anniversries, etc., are once-in-a-lifetime things and to not attend at all would be sad.

Hopefully, I have helped. God bless!


#7

[quote="belmontmac, post:1, topic:203549"]

Another example using the same family. Child C gets ill on Easter morning. Dad, A and B go to Mass, and not to a family party that A and B want to go to, and since C is sick, the family stays together and does not attend the family party.

Opinions?

[/quote]

Referring to Easter parties (I stick by my earlier response) or other holiday parties, I remain in my belief that the immediate family should stick together and not attend the family one. Spending Easter, Christmas, etc. together is more important than attending extended family parties. There will always be next year in this case.


#8

The summer after 4th grade, I broke my left wrist. I had my little brother (4 yrs old) on the see-saw w/ me - put him down on ground and I went flying. I remember him & my big brother swimming. I played AROUND the pool. Sure don't remember feeling left out. ;)


#9

I wouldn't stop the others from activities because one can't participate. However, I think I would feel bad for the "left out" one and maybe try to schedule something special for him or her.

Like, a movie instead of the beach/pool one day and let the "left out" child choose the movie.

They have to learn that life isn't fair -- but they should also know that their parents care that they are sad about being left on the sidelines.


#10

My sister spent much of her early childhood not being able to swim due to ear problems. My mom just brought her to the pool and had her hang out in the wading pool or shallow end, while I continued on with swimming lessons. I think you need to take into consideration the good of the whole family. Perhaps you can get some input from the child with the broken finger with regards to what types of non-water related activities he or she would be interested in having the family do this summer in addition to going to the pool or beach.


#11

[quote="belmontmac, post:1, topic:203549"]
Husband and wife have 3 children, whom of course they love equally. We'll name them A, B and C for simplicity. Family does everything together, as it should be. Child B breaks a finger early in the summer, and the doctor says no swimming for 6 weeks. So, does this mean no swimming or going to the beach for children A and C, since B cannot swim? Or does life go on for A and C and B learns that life does go on, and sometimes you just have to sit by and watch.

Another example using the same family. Child C gets ill on Easter morning. Dad, A and B go to Mass, and not to a family party that A and B want to go to, and since C is sick, the family stays together and does not attend the family party.

Opinions?

[/quote]

If one child is injured or sick, do NOT punish the other 2 by making them miss fun things. Life goes on.

Regarding the holiday parties, we've had occasions over the years where one child was sick and the others were not. Sick child had to stay home with a parent, and the other 2 got to go with the other parent. Life goes on!


#12

[quote="RazzsMom, post:7, topic:203549"]
Referring to Easter parties (I stick by my earlier response) or other holiday parties, I remain in my belief that the immediate family should stick together and not attend the family one. Spending Easter, Christmas, etc. together is more important than attending extended family parties. There will always be next year in this case.

[/quote]

Disagree. The child is sick and will be in bed being sick....whatever that entails. It was already planned. The host has gone to trouble to make dinner etc. Grandparents are waiting to see the kids. Go. Kids get fed, there's quiet in the home so sick child can rest and the others are being amused and celebrating the holiday. And Mom, probably the nurse, gets a break.

And there might not be a next year. So enjoy the people in your lives including the extended family.


#13

[quote="RazzsMom, post:7, topic:203549"]
Referring to Easter parties (I stick by my earlier response) or other holiday parties, I remain in my belief that the immediate family should stick together and not attend the family one. Spending Easter, Christmas, etc. together is more important than attending extended family parties. ** There will always be next year in this case**.

[/quote]

There may NOT always be next year at Grandma's or wherever.

Better the healthy family go to the celebration and the sick on stay home with one parent than the whole family miss out. Besides, the sick one is probably either in bed or the bathroom, so what fun is that for the rest of the family?


#14

[quote="aicirt, post:12, topic:203549"]
Disagree. The child is sick and will be in bed being sick....whatever that entails. It was already planned. The host has gone to trouble to make dinner etc. Grandparents are waiting to see the kids. Go. Kids get fed, there's quiet in the home so sick child can rest and the others are being amused and celebrating the holiday. And Mom, probably the nurse, gets a break.

And there might not be a next year. So enjoy the people in your lives including the extended family.

[/quote]

I think it depends upon what the illness entails. If there is any chance that the other family members haven't come down with the illness, I would rather have them stay home than come to my place and get me and my family sick if they are contagious. I would appreciate that much more than seeing them.

As for the swimming and beach, balance it out. Don't do nothing but swimming or the beach all summer long. Yes, kids need to know life does go on and they will not be catered to, but at the same time, the two that aren't injured also need to learn consideration and do something that EVERYONE can do from time to time. Its doesn't have to be all or nothing.


#15

Take them all to the pool or beach. The kid with the broken finger will get plenty of attention at the pool or beach. All the other kids will envy the bandage or cast and wish they had something broken! I always wished I had a broken something when I was kid, and stared jealously at any kids with bandages or casts or crutches.

Sick kids should be resting and convalescing, not participating in family activities. It's tough, but it's real life. Several years ago, I caught the flu--the real influenza, the stuff we get shots to protect ourselves from (except I didn't get a shot that year) on December 10. I missed the entire Christmas season. I spent three weeks in bed in a haze, half-asleep and coughing my head off whenever I was awake. I knew that my husband and kids were doing "Christmas stuff" somewhere (the kids went to grandma's house so they wouldn't catch the flu from me), but I really honestly didn't care, I was so sick. I just wanted to either die or get better. (I always get my flu shot now!)

I realize that some non-contagious, non-barfing, non-coughing illnesses allow a child to participate in laid-back family activities, e.g., watching a holiday special on TV. But honestly, if the sick child is around the other kids, he/she will soon be running around and probably make themselves sicker and possibly expose the other kids to the sickness. It's best to just let them rest and get better.

But take the other kids to grandma's (or wherever). They'll resent the sick kid if they have to stay home, and then the sick kid gets upset and feels guilty.

*A strong family doesn't need to be together physically to be together in each other's hearts. * This past weekend, we had a graduation party for my younger daughter (DPT from SLU--yay!). Her sister was far away working and we missed her (I especially missed her, because she's the best cleaner-upper in the country!), but we knew she was thinking of all of us. And when she was finished with her work, she called to see how the party was going.


#16

Where does it end? What if child B has a dentist appointment? Do the other kids get picked up from school as well?

I can't imagine that with three kids most events wouldn't get cancelled.

I know with 7, we'd probably never get to do anything at all.


#17

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