Though faith is very private in my family, I have always had a very good family life. My parents are extremely loving and kind and have raised me and my brother well (he's 18 and I'm 15). However, there are some things in relation to religion that bother me about my parents and in the last few weeks I've learned some things about them that I wish I could ignore forever.
We attend Mass just about every Sunday, but from Sunday to Sunday faith is scarcely mentioned in our house. My parents never go to Confession (and thus neither do I), I can't remember the last time I saw either of them reading the Bible, and often at church we don't use the hymnals or join in the singing. Once, when the congregation was saying Hail Mary's before the start of Mass, my mom wouldn't kneel and when I motioned for her to she told me that she could pray just as well sitting as kneeling. Last Sunday, our priest gave what I thought to be a good, inspiring homily, but after it, my mom leaned over and said something to my dad and was shaking her head and looked disapproving. Little incidents like these are really confusing me. I can't figure out my parents attitude towards the church. I feel so close to completely opening up to Jesus, but I keep catching myself. I respect my parents' opinions and value their reactions, yet I don't understand them.
Also, there have been several non-church related incidents in the past few weeks that have really hit me. My dad lied to me about not knowing something that I am nearly positive he knew, and both of my parents have been oddly cool towards a guy who I am really good friends with. He is a Baptist, and I spend a lot of time with Baptists, and sometimes I think my parents over-react and are judgemental towards the Baptists. But at the same time, their views are making me wonder if mine are being influenced by the Baptists I hang out with. I'm just really confused because I always thought I could trust my parents, and all of the sudden I'm not sure. It seems to me like the bottom is falling out, and I have really been hurt by this. I'm afraid, though, that maybe I'm over-reacting to it because it has really gotten me down the last few days and confused me in my relationship with Jesus. I've confided to an extent in a good friend, but I don't want to alter his opinion of my parents. I'm used to holding everything inside and pretending I'm okay when I'm not, and all of the sudden it feels great to be able to talk about it with someone. I don't want to be making too big a deal out of it, though, and am afraid I'm almost enjoying some sense of self-pity. My friend has been so wonderful about listening and helping me out with what he can, and I am so grateful, but at the same time I feel a little silly if I am making more of this than there is. My emotions feel suddenly kind of dull and dead, like they are so buried beneath this mask that I've forgotten how to let them out.
I guess my question is how big of a deal is this? When I let myself really think about it, it seems pretty big, especially about Confession, but when I'm not in such a serious mood, I can let it go. I know my parents would be offended that I'm not talking to them about it, but I feel like I've lost some of my trust in them through these incidents and I don't feel comfortable approaching them about it. And now that I think it is starting to affect my relationship with God it feels bigger to me, too. But sometimes it is hard to tell because so much of it is grounded in the more abstract concept of faith which can at times be easy to belittle.
What do you think of my situation? How serious is it? Should I suck it up and deal with it (which is what I'm telling myself right now)? Or do I have reason to be hurt and confused by what is going on? Is it okay for me to confide in someone? Am I breaking the fourth commandment and dishonoring my parents?