My Sister is getting married in a month and a half, and had some questions about the parts of the mass. The parish she is getting married in does not allow the unity candle lighting or the prayer to Mary. They say it is not part of the mass and therefore don’t allow it. But another one of my sisters, who got married at another parish, these parts were allowed and even encouraged. I know they are not necessary, but it is always nice to have these extras during a wedding. I don’t know why one parish would like these extras and another not allow them.
The parish is correct, these are NOT part of the liturgy. No, it is not “always nice” to have these things in the liturgy, they do not belong there. The “unity candle” is not Catholic and has no place in a Catholic wedding.
Some other cultural traditions are Catholic in origin, but again are not part of the wedding liturgy. It is therefore at the discretion of the pastor as to what is in the wedding liturgy. he is the chief liturgist.
So, if the pastor says no, the answer is no.
Perhaps you could have those thing in the reception afterward.
The parish my other sister got married at(my home parish), they had the unity candle, and it is run by a stricter order(Benedictines), and this other parish is run by a more laid-back diocesan priest. We will ask about the prayer to Mary. My parents had it in their wedding, and think it would be a nice part of the wedding.
All I can tell you is that the unity candle is not Catholic and should not be part of the wedding liturgy.
Yes, it is always fine to ask.
1ke is correct (1ke is almost ALWAYS correct ) but as the honoring of Mary is very much in the Catholic tradition, the pastor may be open to it happening AFTER the Mass is completed. My daughters all presented flowers and prayed for her intercession following their nuptial Masses – and all were married in different churches in different regions of the US.
Of course none of that is part of the Mass. However, you can tack devotions on after Mass. Often a Marian hymn will follow Mass. That’s where the flowers to Mary should go. The priest says, “Mass has ended,” the people respond, “Thanks be to God,” then you present the flowers to Mary to the tune of what I’m sure will be the predictable Schubert’s Ave Maria.
The unity candle is tacky IMHO. It’s as out of place at a Catholic wedding as Yanni and yoga mats.