The first year of high school started out great. I still hung out with all of my best friends from middle school. Then everyone started to meet new people, find new groups of friends, and I found it hard to find more good friends. I met new people but never got close to anyone.
My second year in high school I got in touch with an old friend from childhood. We were best friends when we were 3 years old until we were 6.
In high school, after I lost all of my old “best friends”, she became my only friend. We hung out every week and I was introduced to her friends. She always asked me about my friends since we went to different public schools.
Then one night I took my friend to a football game and sat with two of my old “best friends” who were with their new group of dancer friends. I tried to talk to them, but they seemed to ignore me and my other friend I brought as a guest kept asking me “What’s wrong, what’s wrong? Why aren’t they talking to you?” I was surprised nonetheless, they glanced over at us, waved and gave a weird look, and continued to talk among themselves. My whole life I’ve been nice, caring. I never did anything to harm them and I never understood why they treated me poorly.
I got to be depressed and embarrassed that I stopped hanging out with my only friend. She saw how my old friends treated me and felt bad for me. I just wanted to be alone and kept to myself. So I stopped talking to my only friend.
My last year of high school I had no friends. If I tried to sit with my old friends, it felt socially awkward and I felt unwelcome. I tried to spend most of my time in the bathroom, walking around the hallway, or tried to get a pass for the library (required teacher’s approval). I didn’t do as great as I could have in my academics. It was the worst year of my life.
Looking back of course my life wasn’t that bad then. People are suffering from cancer, poverty, illness, every second in the world. But I still feel bad about high school and I’m in my early twenties. If I think about it (which is not very often. maybe once every 6 months) I can’t help but cry. It was a very difficult time in my life.
Since high school all of my old “best friends” have apologized (4 years after we graduated) and I see them once a year. But it’s still awkward and our friendship will never be the same of course. They always say “Let’s go out for drinks. Let’s work out” but then never hear from them. Sometimes I contact them to hang out, but they say they are too busy.
I just apologized to the girl who was my only loyal friend who cared about me. Yes, it was half a decade ago but I still feel bad about it. I feel like I missed out on a life long friendship.
Now I have a great relationship with God, my fiance, brothers, and acquaintances but some day I hope to have close friendships again.