This issue has come up before for me, and I’ve posted about it before, so sorry for bothering everyone with it again!
I posted several months back about how my coworker (who used to be my best friend of 15 years) disapproves of my boyfriend and refuses to acknowledge him. Since then, we’ve been getting along fine, if you call elephants in the room fine. I don’t mention him to her, and I leave the room if she’s there when he phones me. I am happy, and she seethes. See? All is well. :shrug:
Well, on New Year’s Eve, my boyfriend borrowed my cell to call a few friends and wish them a happy new year - his phone battery had died. While he was doing that, he called my coworker and told her he was sorry that they got off to a bad start, and that he wouldn’t mind putting the past behind them if she was willing. Whether or not she wanted to be friendly to him, he wished her and her husband a happy and prosperous new year.
Forty minutes later I received an SMS message from her: “You are so out of line. I demand an apology.” My boyfriend convinced me not to respond with something rude:thumbsup: , so I sent back “Happy new year.” (It was the most polite thing I could manage!) Her response? “You don’t have the right to wish me a happy new year after the **** you just pulled!”
And there has been blissful silence ever since! But seriously, I’m going to have to work with her and share an office with her after my vacation, about ten days from now. So should I leave things be, or try to patch things up?
I won’t apologize for his behavior - I’m really impressed at what he did. It takes a lot of courage and humility to wish somebody well when they go out of their way to be rude to you. I’m considering sending her an e-mail telling her why I think he is the right man for me, and therefore why I won’t leave him just because she disapproves of him. (For those of you who missed the beginning of the story, she thinks that he’s not really divorced and that I’m committing adultery. He is. I’m not.)
The e-mail (I’ve written it already) describes what a charitable, kind, honest, generous, and understanding man he is. It describes how supportive and loving he is toward me and others. I did not highlight the contrast between his actions and hers. I did not stoop to accusations. I did explain how I know that he is really divorced. I also stated that neither he nor I feels that it’s necessary for me to choose between her friendship and my boyfriend unless she forces the issue.
I figure if I send the e-mail this weekend (after letting my BF see it) that gives her a week to figure out her reaction before I see her again. So, if you were me, would you send the e-mail? Would you do nothing and enjoy the ten days of silence? Would you respond in some other way? (If it makes any difference, my resolution this year is to be more charitable, understanding, and patient with people who bother me. She’s way up there on the list!:rolleyes: )