Pedophile question

I know how unusual this question is and how evil the sin that I am asking about but I don’t know who to ask this of and there just might be someone here who knows the answer.

Simply put WHY??? Is anyone here familiar enough with this horrible problem to tell me? I’m sorry, but I have just been through the most terrible time dealing with the aftermath of this crime/sin. I have another question, why would a woman stay with a man who did this to her children?

If these questions sound like I’m putting people on I assure you they are sincere questions.


Human nature is idiosyncaratic, which means that there are always going to be deviations from the norm. This can present itself it alternative sexualities (erotic attractions to people of the same sex, children, or other obscure things). It is considered idiosyncratic because it doesn’t lead to the type of survival that is intrinsic in the make-up of our species. Sometimes human nature is cruel (people fail to see or care about harm done unto others; they may just feel they are able to get away with it). Sometimes human nature is both idiosyncratic and cruel at the same time; this is where pedophilia comes in. It is something which both confounds our natural strive towards survival and holds no regard for the harm it inflicts to others.

"Why do women stay with the men?"

*Probably because they pathologize it (“oh, he’s not well”); they think it won’t happen again ("he’s learned his lesson; he knows it isn’t right); they judge their significant other on grounds less harsh than they would judge other people ("he’s got his demons, like anybody else); finally, it takes time, inclination, energy, and courage to uproot a family and exorcise it’s faulty members (members whom, beyond pedophilia, may have other abusive tendencies). *

People sin because it seems fun and feels good. Sin is horrible, sin just creates more sin, and worse sin.

Women stay with sinful, criminal men because they are chemically bonded to these men, because they have no self respect, many reasons.

Thank you so much for this reply. It is so much more excellent than I ever expected to receive. The pain of all this is inflicted on so many many people. The answer to “why” doesn’t take away the pain but it does help to keep one sane.

Good answers.

I’d add that in some cases there is legitimate or borderline pathology, add a dash of sin, and horrible as it is, there you have it. I guess such terrible sin begs the question as to how someone who is guilty of it can possibly rationalize it, as perhaps some clergy have done.

Denial can be a very strong emotion; all to many women stay with men who physically abuse them when there are no children involved; perhaps the same psycological principle is involved. In other cases there is probably fear involved; fear of what others may think, fear that the pedophile may turn on them too. Undoubtedly there’s more than an single factor involved.

Whatever situation you’re in I’d advise you to take up a study of John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. Basically we all have a desire for God, the infinite, which is why people can never get enough sex, alcohol, drugs, money etc.

Think of sexual desire like a rocket. When you aim a rocket up, it goes up. So when you aim your sexual desires (they are good!) towards God you are able to live out your sexual desires in a holy way even if your not engaging in sexual activity. When you aim those desire to get ins

When that rocket is inverted towards you to achieve instant gratification, the result is the rocket blowing up in your face with sexual sin, deviation, etc.

Purity is all about how people aim their desires. For more information on this Theology of the Body go to I don’t think it deals with this specifically but it should have info on sexual deviation

Because the thought of being* without* the man is more horrible to her than the thought of what he did to her children. Also, I think some women don’t want to even face what happened to their children… kicking the guy out and dealing with the aftermath of that totally confirms the horror of what he did… it’s easier to just pretend it didn’t happen to begin with.

This was the case for my wife’s mother.:frowning:

Who, BTW, was 15 when her future “husband” was 21 and got her pregnant. Yeah, that’s rape. She was forced to marry her rapist.

Sometimes our past does indeed effect our future decisions.

The perps justify it to themselves with all sorts of specious reasoning. The most common is that the victim was trying to seduce, or asking for it, or wanted it.

Yellowbird gave a great answer to why the mothers stay with these men. I’ll add another thought or two. One is that (in addition to the rest) she doesn’t want to believe she could make such an awful mistake, because she’d have to face the damage. I do not mean this to be shallow; it’s not. Who would want to admit that their inaction let to lifelong damage to her child? It takes an immense amount of courage.

The other is on us. We “good people” tend to turn our backs on women like this, which just isolates them more, making them more dependent on the perps. So we need to look in the mirror, too, and keep reaching out to them.

It wouldn’t hurt if we called school counselors and told them that so-and-so’s stepdad is a registered sex offender, either.

Looking in my mirror, Ruthie

I was watching this show on domestic Chimpanzees, people kept going on and on about how they were so “human” like, till this or that event where they went on a mutilation spree. It then went on about how they act in the wild, they go on wars and kill other chimps, eat them, rape them, etc, etc. It then donned on me that they are actually very “human” indeed, we as a race are capable of the most horrific acts.

As to why someone would stay with another after such crimes? I am at a lost as well, sometimes the victim is more then just the child.

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