People can't accept me wanting to be single

I don’t know what to say to people when they try and match me up with dudes or keep telling me to go find a man when I feel at peace being on my own serving God. People tell me I’m strange or a weirdo (like my own non-Catholic family) or even suggest I might have sexuality issues or something which I don’t.
I don’t know what to say anymore, how can I stop people thinking I’m an abnormality?

I think Catholics being judged a sab normal is nothing new; in every age being Catholic is somewhat counter-cultural. :thumbsup:

You can’t stop people from thinking what they will, however you can be indifferent to their opinions.

You do not have to care about what they think.

Just stick to your convictions.

When I was 21, and in those days that was the day you came of age. my great-uncle bought me a lovely stainless steel tea service.( They were all the fashion then, from Viners of Sheffield)

The parcel was all tied up with a very long piece of sturdy rough string…

“That is to catch yourself a man with…”

That was all that was said and I have no idea what happened to the string… :wink:

Never used it as he wanted me to.

Of course we did not have this obsession re sexuality that you are facing now… But stay with what you need and want to do…

Even though we see it among Catholics, pressure for all to marry is alien to Catholic culture. Getting closer to your Catholic community will give you more strength to withstand the pressure. I believe that the divorce rate and overpopulation have something to do with people marrying who shouldn’t have.

Sometimes I think the reason married people want to see their single friends get married is because misery loves company :D.

I’ve had on more than one occasion a priest in the confessional give the impression that you have to be either married or have a religious vocation. That would probably be ideal, but I don’t know if it’s necessarily going to work out that way for me or a lot of others.

This.
Ignore those rude remarks.
God bless.

Hi Blue_Rose,

I would think that those who are trying to set you up with someone are probably coming at it from a place of having your best interests at heart, and are wanting to help you. :slight_smile:

I wouldn’t think that they are thinking that you’re abnormal in any way. I would think that they’re just trying to look out for you in some way, in a positive way.

When I was younger, I had friends who would set me up with others. They knew that I was open to meeting others, and that is how I happened to meet my husband.

My best girlfriend was dating his best guy friend. The two of them thought that he and I would get along really well, so they took me to meet him, and the rest is history, as the saying goes. :slight_smile:

Anyway, I know from my own experience that family members can be different and can say things to us that are hurtful. It doesn’t mean that what they are saying to us is true, though. It’s just that we get used to hearing negative comments from them, and then we hang onto those thoughts.

Your friends/family–whomever is trying to set you up with someone–if I were you, I would try telling them that you appreciate them thinking of you by wanting to set you up with someone. However, you’re content as you are and you’re not interested in going out with anyone.

I wish you the all of the best. :slight_smile:

God bless you!

Litany of Humility O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Peace

There is nothing in Catholic doctrine that says not belonging in either the married camp or the consecrated camp is a sin.

Just tell them you are satisfied and happy with where you are in your life right now and do not have any interest in a relationship at the current moment. Don’t even bring God or religion up because it will spin off into those comments you’ve been receiving. If the person your talking too doesn’t get it, well that’s there problem. Your love life is none of there business. And if they push the issue, tell them just that, “it’s none of your business, I already explained myself, either except what I have to say or leave it alone.”

Hahaha! Oh wow…

Whatever. It’s your life, and they need to respect that. Our culture has historically tended to discourage women from initiating romantic relationships, so I find it ironic that something which is mostly out of our hands is used as the primary litmus test for how well we’re doing in life :shrug:

I’m perpetually single, and I’ve always been weirded out when people ask about my relationship status without any prompting. It’s like:

“How was your weekend Dave?”

“Pretty good, can’t complain. BTW, do you have a boyfriend?”

“No, I don’t: thanks for reminding me.”

As you’ve discovered it is unwise to share your vocation with people, especially if it isn’t marriage, because some people just have to say something. When I was contemplating a consecrated virginity I shared it with someone who I thought I could trust. I was wrong. People either have to have a solid understanding of the vocations to religious life, or the priesthood or have to have a solid respect for other people’s choices. They will be supportive; others will come at you with nonsense.

What to say now, now that the cat is out of the bag? Demure and deflect. I figured out I was called to marriage, not the consecrated life and people have made various attempts to match me with someone; some of these were terrible ideas because I knew things about a couple of the men that they obviously didn’t and the rest made me think, “you don’t know me at all.” :confused: I try to demure and redirect the conversation (“Hmm. Maybe. I’ll think about it. Would you like more chicken?” … then later, if it comes up, “I’ve thought about it and I know he isn’t my type” (because my type is Jesus, yo.) “Thank you, but I’m on top of this.” Great seeing you again!!!") Act happy, and they won’t try as hard to find something they think will make you happy.

If they bring up sex, “I beg your pardon,” with eyes wide and blinking. Then, “You’re not helping.” Eye roll, optional.

They are probably asking you because marriage is awesome and they want awesome things for you. Or it could be one of the other many options already posted.

We basically live in a sex crazed and quasi sex addicted culture. So many of the couples we know feel like they NEED sex, and they NEED each other. Emotional codependence is not love. An aspect of addiction is to want to draw others on board, and think them the oddball if they demur. Once a little neighbor boy that I barely knew wanted to help me with some yard work. As we are working, he asks, “Do you smoke cigarettes?” “No, I do not.” I replied. He then pinches his finger and thumb together at his pursed lips in the gesture of smoking pot, and asks, “Do you…?”. “No, I don’t do that either.” I reply, a bit taken aback. The boy is 6. Then he furrows his brow and stares at me and demands, “What’s WRONG with you!?”
It turned out his parents were fulltime pot dealers. The kid never met an adult who didn’t smoke cigarettes and pot.

Back to the relationship issue, it’s the same thing. When theirs are going well they are on top of the world, and think that everyone should want what they have. Alone they imagine themselves miserable. Their conclusion? You must be miserable. You must want what they have, or “What’s WRONG with you?”. So there is nothing wrong with you, and probably something wrong with a lot of them. Your true friends and family should understand and accept. Simply distance yourself from those who refuse to understand.

Ha ha I never thought about it like that.

My mom suggested this to me when yet another friend was getting married and they “wondered” when I was going to get married. The thought didn’t sit well with me and I realized that it just sounded like sour grapes. I’d be cautious even joking about it, as it isn’t charitable toward either side and thus not constructive or comforting.

Just say you are discerning a vocation. Not untrue, maybe you are discerning a vocation to the single life. :wink:

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