My best friend is a girl who wears guy’s clothes, has a deep voice, sometimes likes to play the boyfriend role of taking care of people, and likes masculine things (if you go into her room you would think a male lives there), but has long hair and isn’t confused about her identity as female. This is just her preference. When I first met her, I didn’t know if I should be friends with someone who is ‘gay.’ She dated two girls our freshman year of college, more like they dated her because she wasn’t much interested. Since then, she hasn’t dated anyone and told me she doesn’t want to because she doesn’t want to go to hell (lol). We are both good Catholics, in fact, she is the one who usually drags me to Mass when I don’t want to go and are studying theology at our university. We have definitely made each other better people (less critical, more loving, stronger Catholics). She is the first virtuous friend I’ve had and can trust her with anything.
She is a great support in my life and I don’t know what I would’ve done without her throughout these four years at university. While I do talk to other people in class and have acquaintances, she is my favorite person to hang out with and miss her majorly when I’m gone. When we first met, I enjoyed being around her so much, I was worried I was gay because I’ve never actually connected this much with a friend and felt comfortable around them (I have major social anxiety). Then, I realized I am too attracted to guys (lol) and am completely turned off by the thought of anything happening between the two of us, so it’s just HOCD I’ve had to work through.
The problem is, I hate people thinking we’re ‘together’. I’m sure almost everyone assumes this and I don’t blame them (because we totally look like a couple). I don’t know if I’m just imagining it or being paranoid because my mom told me I shouldn’t be friends with her because people with think I’m gay… My theology professor called us ‘bosom buddies’ (I don’t know if he wasn’t trying to assume anything because I’m a theology major and Catholic, or if he wasn’t sure and didn’t want to put his foot in his mouth) and people are always saying they’re jealous because we have such a great relationship. I’m definitely straight and always looking for a boyfriend (even though I’m not ready for a relationship)…working on that emotional chastity thing…
We are going to formal dance with our friends, who everyone probably thinks we’re a couple, and she wants me to go suit shopping with her, which I’m just not comfortable with. I know I shouldn’t care what people think, especially because it isn’t true and she’s such a great friend, but it’s so hard. I talked to my therapist about it, and she said that if this is true, then it shouldn’t matter. I looked around me and realized that no one treats me differently and no one would, even if it was true. We are planning on getting an apartment together after graduation because we are both getting jobs in the area and need roommates, but I’m worried what people will think. I may be getting a job with my church and don’t know what they would think about this. Does it even matter or am I caring too much what people think of me? She is a great friend, and I would be devastated to lose that. Should I just get over what everyone thinks and just enjoy our virtuous friendship, or should I be worried about this?