Right, well, so, imagine me having a German accent saying, “I zink we’ve made a breakzrough”
Because, I’ve been going over it, see, that is to say, how He can be Perfect Mercy and Perfect Justice. And I couldn’t figure it out. I can’t really remember my issues with it, but I just couldn’t grasp the idea. Perfect Justice I could get. Made plenty of sense. But it made His sacrifice unbearable. Absolutely terrible, it was just wrong.
Which, in way, I guess, was good, 'cause, y’know, it was. Still, the very idea that the only good and decent man to ever live should die so…unjustly. That He should suffer for my iniquity, when I was quite alright with the idea of burning for it. It was Justice. I liked it.
But Justice could seem so terrible… Oh, in the face of evil, it was easy to cry out for. But in the face of beauty? While looking at loved ones, and to know they are imperfect, and unworthy of Paradise? That they should suffer… I think it had to do with love (my issues with it).
And I thought on Our Lord’s sacrifice, and how, through my rebellion, how hatefully I was scorning His love. I think our indifference wounds His heart more deeply than that lance.
Anyhow, I was stuck.
See, because I wanted Him to be Just, I wanted Him to be terrible! I deserve to die, I want to die! I must die! I need Him to be Justice!
But then… others deserve it too, and I don’t want them to die or suffer, even if they do deserve it! I need Him to be Merciful!
But why should He suffer? He’s God! He’s no need to suffer! What sort of Justice can their be if He suffers? Why should He bleed for my sins? It’s not right! There must be Justice! He’s God! How could He so degrade Himself as to become man? How could He bear to walk in flesh? It is madness! It isn’t right!
But for all the black stains of sin, how can I hate my brethren? Even were they to be utterly consumed with evil, I see too much of the Maker in them! It’s as though there’s a certain light that overpowers the ugliness!
There’s too much ugliness! A drop is enough to damn! And we’re swimming in an ocean of it!
…My arguments are pretty weak here. They were much better when I had them. I was going nuts.
But then I read this about St. Faustina and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.
“I saw a great light, with God the Father in the midst of it.
Between this light and the earth I saw Jesus nailed to the Cross
and in such a way that God, wanting to look upon the earth, had to
look through Our Lord’s wounds and I understood that God blessed
the earth for the sake of Jesus.”
Ahhhhh…Yes! THAT would work! I couldn’t fathom how He could, with one hand damn (not that He does) and the other, love, but if He had four hands!
And that’s not to say, “The Father’s just, the Son’s merciful” no, no, not that. No, I got it. It made sense. How… by His wounds, we’re saved… Wait…I think I might have read that somewhere…
“…When they say this Chaplet in the presence of the dying, I
will stand between My Father and the dying person not as the just
judge but as the Merciful Savior”.
sniff It’s stuff like that that brings me to tears, y’know? Beautiful stuff… Real beautiful stuff…Sad things? No, beautiful things? Everytime.
But it’s there too. Right there! It’s more than the words. There’s a message in the words that I can’t put into words…
Could any of you please?
Oh, but then, could be barking up the wrong tree in the wrong end of the woods in the wrong forest. Set me straight, if you will. Please. Thanks!
See…I think it had to do especially with the Father looking through the wounds of the Son (Anybody have a picture of that, by the way? That’s quite a thought)…Something with, by His Passion, God can look at us. By His blood we’re…
We’re like, made clean or something!
And that’s how it works, see? He can look at us, now, because of the wounds, because of the blood, because of the sacrifice…
It reminds me of something Bishop Sheen once said, about the Greeks, who could not go up to Olympus and reach the heavens, the gods, so they tore them from the heavens, and fashioned them out of stone and metal.
But…Out of the Heavens for the sake of all men came God, fashioned not of stone, or metal, or wood, but of flesh. That’s a pretty trippy thought.
Y’know what, maybe I don’t get it…
…but it’s in my head, so, that’s a step, right?
And now, I’m reminded of that thing… I forget which one said it, the “All things work for the good of those who serve Him?”
Hmm…So, I guess my trouble might have been losing sight of that…That, or, that I would end up seeing my own ugliness, and through it, take a, shall we say, dim view of things. Evil opressed me, and very likely twisted my sight.
But there were some things that are too good not to love. You’re forced to love.
So I think it might have been seeing the world through the eyes of God and the eyes of the Devil, or, eyes of Love or eyes of hate, a living heart vs one of stone…