Perhaps I'm a Little Naive...but I Need Some Advice!


#1

I am engaged to be married in April and of course my fiance and I have discussed children from the beginning. We plan on using NFP and are open to how ever many children the Good Lord blesses us with.

However there has been something that’s been nagging at me for awhile. I know I shouldn’t worry TOO much about this, but both my fiance and I want a lot of kids, but I fear that we won’t be able to financially. He plans on becoming a police officer and my major is theology, so I’m hoping to maybe teach high school religion and REALLY hoping to be able to stay at home with my children. I know many wonderful couples out there make due with what they have and raise wonderful children, but I just don’t want to have a lot of kids and struggle to be able to provide well for them.

Like I wrote in the title…maybe I’m naive, but I just was wondering if any of you wonderful people had some advice for me. My fiance constantly reminds me that we will find a way to figure out things financially, and perhaps I should just relax and trust in God! Please help!!! THANKS! :rolleyes:


#2

IMO,it sounds like you are marrying a wise man in that he trusts that the Lord will provide :).
How many children is “a lot” in your (and fiance’s) eyes? To some,4 is “a lot” but in others, “a lot” isn’t reached at least until double digits.
When Hubby and I were first married 18 years ago,and the Lord was sending our little blessings fairly regularly (we had the first 5 children in 8 years),I admit I fretted terribly about finances.Just the day-to-day things too-not long term like high school and college.
Every time I’d wonder how we would pay for whatever bill,the Lord took over the reins and provided.I’m stubborn or proud or stupid,but it finally dawned on me that every time I got anxious about something like money,the Lord stepped in and showed me who was boss.
Now,I try to be a good steward of Hubby’s treasures and do what is possible to save money,but ultimately the Lord is steering this boat and we are only co-captains. He provides in the most meaningful of ways,maybe not for the latest gadgets and toys,but our children go to Catholic schools (our major expenditure) and we have food and shelter.

Best of luck in your future!


#3

Well I suppose “a lot of kids” would be around 15 or so? :slight_smile:

We definately hope to NOT have a small family, like one or two children. However if that’s all the Lord gives us of course we’ll be incredibly happy.

Catholic school IS something I worry a lot about. I thought about perhaps homeschooling the kids in elementary and send them to high school, but my future husband has voiced his concerns about that and says that we’ll figure something out.

At the college I attend many of the professors’ wives stay home with 5+ kids and this school does NOT pay good salaries. I’ve often thought about asking them “How do you do it? Give me some tips!” but I’m much too shy to pop in on them to ask that! Thanks for your help! :slight_smile:


#4

Start by seeing a good financial planner. (they may have assistance at your parrish) Then set your personal financial goals including college and retirement. Then build your budget around that.


#5

Take it from an old mom… God always provides…
No lie! My ex left me with 3 little kids and I was laid off 6 mos later… We were down to nothing and yet there was always food on the table and a roof over our heads… my kids even starting joking about me pulling money out my butt when bills came due, somehow money would appear… Trust God, you will never regret it!!! Thankfully, those days are over for the most part and I have a wonderful dh… and all my kids survived our rough times… now are 21, 18, and 16 and very moral kids!

Oh… did I mention they went to Catholic schools???


#6

This all sounds fantastic! I know I don’t know y’all personally, but I have good examples to fall on. (Especially since my future in-laws are telling us to “wait a couple years to have kids” so we can be “financially ready”)

Does anyone have any good money saving tips when it comes to having a large family? Or even when it comes to us being married in a couple months and living as newly weds? Anything would be appreciated!

God bless you all! :thumbsup:


#7

Make sure your bridal registry includes practical stuff. You may not need a $300 tiffany teapot set but you will probably get stuff like that.

Plan for life in 12 years. When we were first married we bought what was cheep but didn’t plan very well. as a result we got a lot of mis matched stuff that we eventually got rid of. Later we learned to hold back and plan better and get stuff that would last longer and was cheeper overall.

Don’t skimp on photos and home movies, skimp on toys. Kids seem to like the dollar store stuff as much as the expensive stuff. Also buy toys that are classics which can be mixed and matched like legos and lincoln logs. They foster creativity, still work if you loose pieces, and can be added on to. They are also fun for the family. The $100 dolar toy of the year contraptions never seemed to hold my childrens interest and always wound up at good will (if we could find enough parts to make them work) We have told relatives to stop buying our kids stand alone toys because they just take up space and the kids never play with them. That’s just my biggest lesson learned.


#8

“Does anyone have any good money saving tips when it comes to having a large family?”

Not really a tip, but I learned something from a family of 8 children when we went out to dinner with them at McDonald’s. (I wouldn’t recommend this as a rule to a large family, it just worked out that way since we went to some event that made it necessary.)
My 2 children went into their usual:“I want a bigntasty and fries and a chocolate shake,” "I want nuggets and this and that and the other . . "
The family of 8 sat down at a large table and their father ordered 8 cheeseburgers, 8 fries, and 8 drinks, all the same. No one said anything in complaint, all were happy.
I was very impressed.


#9

A few things: eat at home, buy your furniture as you can afford it and pay it off before buying more; also when you have children, buy good quality used baby furniture and accessories and buy baby clothes at garage sales and thrift shops, invest in a freezer so you can buy food and meat when it is on sale, don’t buy too many toys. Best wishes.


#10

Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that you MUST only have wage jobs. Wage jobs are prisons. They guarantee that you’ll only ever make what somebody else tells you you’ll make, and you’ll forever be living paycheck to paycheck. Instead, look into entrepreneurial activities like small, home-based businesses. I’m no millionaire entrepreneur myself, but I’ve got a little business on the side that helps us to pay the bills. It was ridiculously easy to start, and once I got it rolling, I realized the only thing stopping most people from creating more wealth is themselves. Even with the burden of restrictive regulation, this country remains the absolute best land of opportunity to create wealth and financial independence.

Check out the book “Mommy Millionaire.” Her big idea? Sewing up corn into a sock or something which she then microwaved. It’s basically a heating pad–or something. I don’t fully understand, but I’ve seen these things all over the place.

Don’t worry if you don’t have any marketable ideas right now–they’ll come. And just remember that God is with you, so no matter what happens, you’ll be fine.:thumbsup:


#11

Congrats on your engagement and upcoming marriage:) For us the biggest lesson we learned is that how we’d like our life to go isn’t always how God sees it.

I’d love to be SAHM but right now we both have to work in order to provide. We’d love to have another child but money wise its just not an option right now. Does God provide, of course! But we also don’t believe that God is Santa Claus and we believe that he gave us the gift of reason to use. As parents, we feel we have a moral obligation to be able to provide my child(ren) with safe place to live, clothing and food. We’ve prayed and have actually been shown signs that we’re doing the right thing.

Did you double major in Education with your Theology degree? My dh has masters in Theology and he looked into several high schools to teach which all turned him down since he didn’t have a teaching certificate/education.


#12

Wow, congratulations on the coming wedding. Yes, it will be a struggle, but its all worth it when we it to eternal life. Always trust that He will take care of you, just as your husband will vow, in good times and in bad. Do make sure you learn NFP from professionals, because, we made the mistake of trying to read/teach ourselves. Now we are about to welcome our 3rd child into the family! 2 weeks from now :smiley:

My wife and I struggled throughout college working full time and going to school full time to make sure we had enough money for everything. Now I am working and my wife stays home with the kids, still goes to college, and we are trying to become more involved in Church life.

I don’t know if you are aware, but there is the possibility of your diocese covering Catholic school as long as you pay your 10% tithe. I am from Wichita, KS and I know that the Wichita diocese does this. I personally went to Catholic school 1-12, and I thank God that I had that opportunity. Now I think that it only applies to 1-8, high school may be different.

“Wait until your financially set” this will never happen. We are human, and we are inclined to wanting more and more. So just wash that out of your mind. Maybe they just want you to not go through what they did, but I think taking the easy road makes us weak and poor witnesses to our faith.

Seems to me that your husband has set the 2 of you on a path that serves God. So definitely look to him and the Lord for you spiritual guidance. Remember this:
“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified.” -Jn 15:7-8

If you have any questions for a husband and dad of 3 ask away.


#13

My daughter in law has a science degree but now with the little ones works in the daycare they are getting along fine. she makes a llittle money the kids are free, they get a little training and fun. She sees them all day and is racking up some experience in the daycare. No weekends and vacations when she wants. When they are all in school she will think about advancing herself but doesn’t worry about it now. Alot of Catholic Schools now have daycare if yours don’t start one:thumbsup: It will pay for itself.


#14

Haha…I know we’ll never be financially “set”. I told my mother about this comment from my future MIL and she got a sly smile and said, “Yeah, well good luck with that.” :slight_smile:

I am from around the Kansas City, MO area and have actually heard about Wichita providing those services for Catholic school. A friend at school told me about that and I was instantly intrigued.

Thanks again for all the money saving tips!


#15

Considering that you’re in the US, if you plan on teaching theology you will have to be in a parochial school system, which most likely will not give you the highest of salaries. A police officer will earn an all right living, and with your double income, you should survive. However, you say that you want a big family. Do you not see how this could quickly and easily lead to financial trouble? You have to consider whether or not a large family on your income is really fair to children. How will you be able to guarantee that they have ample living space and are able to enjoy the finer points of life? I’m not implying that caviar should be on the nightly menu, but your kids will most likely want to be involved in extra-curricular activities, which can become costly. Of course, you did not state what you consider to be a large family, so I am just cautioning you to use proper judgement. It’s quite honestly bizarre that you stated with a smiley face that you know you will never be financially set. This country has a lot to offer; don’t take that away from your children.


#16

As far as money savings tips, probably the best thing I can suggest is to keep it very simple. The “muscles” you use to be a finantial success need to be worked on just like any other “muscle”.

Once you develop a savings stragedy, then do simple things to save money: eat at home, clip coupons, etc.

You will always “save” more money by “not spending”. Avoid impulse items, have a paid off used car, avoid credit cards.

Ideas for good personal finance are available from the Motley Fool. They are 2 brothers that write good common sense type stuff:
fool.com/index.aspx

Another good personal finance site is from Larry Burkett, his is another great financial site for couples starting out. He is Christian and will get you thinking about giving your first fruits to God. He used to do what is called an envelope type budget system that works, but I don’t know if they still do.
crown.org/

Money will be tight some days, or even weeks, or months at a time. Just always remember: we are not here to earn money, we are here to serve, worship and obey God. Money is just a tool to accomplish those goals.

God bless your marriage.


#17

First of all, congratulations on your upcoming wedding (whenever it may be) and it is great that you and your fiance are talking about this and are open to life and the blessings that God will bring to you.

Now, I want to say, with all sincereity, tell the in-laws to butt out of when and how many children you will have. It is none of their business. There, having said that, I can proceed.

DW and I want a large family as well, we do not have a specific number in mind but have always talked about atleast 6 or more. We currently have 4. Ages 9, 5, 3, and 7 1/2 months. My wife will continually look at our children and say “how can people not want more babies?” I never have an answer. I see my kids and I cannot imagine life without them. Being a financial person, I have to say that I am concerned about “affording” children, but not that much. I think that we take the approach that God will provide. We are not wealthy. We have credit card debt, we live paycheck to paycheck, but we are smart with our money. We live our life by “wants” and “needs” and that seems to help us. My wife stays at home and homeschools our oldest (and 2nd child next year) and I work 2 jobs to make ends meet. Again, we are not struggling, but we are not wealthy.

You have to make things work for you and for your family. Your future husband seems like the type of guy that will do that. Good for him. Start with your own type of savings plan now if you want. That needs to be decided upon by the two of you.

Be sure to give to God and He will bless you in ways that you cannot even begin to understand. He will provide. Always


#18

My apologies, perhaps I should be more clear.

My future husband and I do not plan on bringing children into the world if we are severely poor. Of course not having food or shelter would be more than unfair to our future children. But we WILL not decide to postpone having children just because we don’t have enough bedrooms for each kid to have their own or because we would rather have the “finer things in life.” If there are financial problems that are detrimental to our lives then, yes having a big family may be out of the quesiton. I may have used the word naive in the title, but we’re not ignorant.

As far as the financially set part, my future in laws meant having no debt. Both my fiance and I went to a very expensive private college and we’ll probably be in debt for many years to come. I did not mention that they also said to wait to have kids so we can “have fun.” Well our idea of fun in the future will be making and raising babies.

I do everything in my power to be a good daughter of God, and will do everything in my power to be a good wife and mother. I would never take anything away from my children, including a large and loving family.


#19

I would also like to mention that I love my future in laws very much. I am blessed to be joining their family. They treat me with love, respect and generosity. We just have different views on what the Church teaches.


#20

I think you already know your answer. Let Go and let God!

Paul


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