[quote="JLCecilia, post:1, topic:224138"]
My husband's brother and his wife and one of our cousins is planning a trip to visit a cousin and his wife up north and we will be leaving our little ones (for the first time EVER) for FIVE DAYS!!!
My problem is that I'm the odd man out in that I'm the only 'professed Christian' and I'm afraid of the teasing but even more than that, I'm the only one who doesn't drink and I know I'm going to be confronted with being drug out to a bar and having to deal w/ DH going overboard. I seriously go into panic mode in those atmospheres.
And just generally speaking, I'm not very good at small talk and there've been so many times in the past that I've stuck my foot in my mouth criticizing or judging certain social activities that I know I'm gonna wear egg on my face and get teased about having to be in those situations myself w/ this crowd. I guess the biggest thing I'm afraid of is being told to loosen/lighten up. Whenever someone starts teasing me in that way, I tend to tense up and shut down.
Don't get me wrong, they're really good people, I love them and I'm sure I'll have a good time, I'm just painfully shy. Even if I ask DH to take it easy and to 'be there' for me, he doesn't take me seriously and just tells me to lighten up (go figure), which makes me all the more tense b/c I realize that I'm gonna be on my own - feeling like he's gonna be on everybody else's 'side.'
Seriously considering asking my doc for some anti-anxiety meds (that I've been on before) just to get me through. Please pray for me. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Maybe they are nice people individually, but it sounds like they revert to a mob mentality when they're together, piling on the person they view as the weakest. Well of course you're the weakest if you feel alone and the odd one out.
Sit your husband down when the house is quiet and the children are in bed. Tell him you'd like to enjoy this trip with him and here's what it will take for you to relax. Then give him a clear, simple list (verbal not written) along these lines:
I do not want my faith to be ridiculed.
I do not want to be teased about not drinking.
I do not want you to drink too much. It frightens me. What do you think is reasonable? Ok, then we agree, no more after that.
For my part: (tell him the things you won't do that he finds bothersome)
I will not talk constantly about the children (tough one I know).
I will not be critical of others who act differently (unless they're acting dangerously)
I will smile and show you that I'm happy to spend this time with you. I love you.
My words may not sound like yours, but the idea is to keep it like a simple contract. You do this and I'll do that. We'll both have a better time than if we don't do what really upsets the other most.
The first responsibility of a husband is to respect and protect his wife. This also means not allowing anyone else to ridicule her. This so-called teasing and disrespect is hurtful and causes you anxiety and to feel physically ill at the mere thought of going on this trip. This is a kind of emotional bullying and abuse that must be stopped. Many times men don't recognize it as that until it's pointed out to them.
My prayers are with you.