My seven year old daughter has been lobbying for pierced ears, recently. Mom said no, so she runs to me for a different ruling. Perhaps I could have thought of a more thoughtful way to refuse, but I just laughed and said, ‘maybe when you’re eighteen.’ Of course, she thinks that is “totally unfair” and gives me the old “everybody else does” routine.
Upon closer inspection of ‘everybody else’, I see that it is not at all uncommon for girls her age to have pierced ears. As it stands, the answer is still no, but I just wanted to get y’all’s input. Am I being fair or unfair?
I waited with dd until 12 th birthday when I figured she was old enough and had sense enough to be careful if she were wearing hoops. And old enough and sensible enough to follow through on the cleaning and hygene of new pierced ears.
I personally would let my daughter, but that is my opinion/view on it. I know that as a Catholic parent raising kids in todays society I will probably have plenty of occasions to show my daughter that just because everyone else does it does not mean it is good, but in this case I wouldn’t make a deal out of it since, Iike I mentioned, I don’t think it is bad nor worth an argument. With that said, if my husband disagreed, which he doesn’t, but if he did, I would not discuss it in front of her nor let her know that I thought it was ok after he said no to her. I would talk with him on our own and we could come to a decision together without letting her know how we came about to that decision.
Hi Cargo–just in case this thread is slow to get off the ground, did you see these discussions here and here?
My opinion is that it’s a fine and good thing for parents to say, “Yes, I see that ‘everyone else’ has their ears pierced. And in our family, our rule is____.” And then stick to it, as a united front with your spouse.
As a dad, you’re going to need to pick your battles. You don’t want to be one to always say “no” do you? Save it for the issues you find really important and your daughter will be more likely to accept the "no"s if you say yes once in awhile.
here it is the custom to pierce the baby girl’s ears in the early months. I never have had my own ears pierced because I have an aversion to having my ears touched or anything on my ears. I also don’t wear jewelry much because I just don’t like having it on, simply personal idiosyncracy. I never had it for my girls, I told them when they were old enough to make that decision they could get it done themselves. Actually their grandfather took them to have it done when they were 12 or so. Oldest had several piercings which was the fad when she was in HS, and bitterly regrets it today. She had her daughters’ ears done when they were 5 or 6. I don’t have strong feelings about it one way or the other, but would want to make sure they were doing it someplace where good hygeine was practiced. I don’t like dangly earrings or large hoops, I think they are a safety hazard, but studs or small hoops look okay. I wish some people my age had paid more attention to the weight of their earrings when they were younger, some of us have distended or elongated earlobes, very ugly. I have never been reconciled to the practice of boys and men wearing earrings, possibly because when I was growing up it meant something different than just a fashion statement.
It is up to your wife and you. I know babies of a week old who have pierced ears. I was 32 when I finally had mine pierced (My mother really laid in the good old Catholic guilt). My daughter had hers first done at 7, then at 14. My elder granddaughter is lobbying for them, so I said MAYBE after First Communion.
One is whether or not pierced ears are appropriate for kids. The other is that your daughter is trying to play you against your wife.
Pierced ears for girls is fairly common in our society and is practically a requirement in some cultures. But apparently your wife has a different viewpoint and it needs to be respected.
But I think the bigger problem is that your daughter thinks she can get something from one parent when the other says no. I think that, in and of itself, is a reason to deny her for the time being.
You and your wife should discuss this when your daughter is not around. I wouldn’t even let her know that you are discussing it. Perhaps you and your wife will decide that pierced ears are out of the question. Or perhaps you will decide that there is some occasion coming up which merits pierced ears and then you can both tell your daughter that the time has come.
When she can take care of them herself. I often see girls who get their ears pierced and then they close over because they aren’t mature enough to care for them. I would think 7 is a tad young, but only you can determine the maturity of your daughter.
I agree with mom2boyz. I’ve told my girls that they have to wait until they are at least 10 years old. My oldest got them done when she was almost 12, as when she was 10 she “chickened” out. She’s never has a problem with infection or holes closing over, as she was completely responsible in caring for her ears. She now is allowed to wear dangly earrings.
My youngest keeps begging, but I told her that she has to be at least 10. Maybe some 7 year olds are mature enough to take care of their ears, but my girls simply weren’t…and I have enough to do trying to get them to keep their rooms clean, their chores done, their homework completed, their teeth brushed, their faces cleaned, etc!! I don’t want to add something to my list of “kid reminders” that’s not necessary!
I see no problems with pierced ears on baby girls to adult women. I’d like to pierce my baby girl’s ears, but we might decide to hold on until she is a little older and can enjoy the special day. If we were going to send our kids to school, I think it would be a neat thing to do after school on the first day. Or to make a birthday extra-special. Or on her patron Saint’s feast day one year We could make it so special for her, so why should we do it when she’s a baby? But then again, I was pierced as a baby (no problems, by the way), and I think it looks adorable! And also then there’s no more fuss than getting a shot, if that (I didn’t cry).
In my family it was a rite of passage for us girls. The summer before we started middle school, we got our ears pierced and mom made a big deal out of how ‘grown up’ and ladylike we looked. It was a really special thing for me. Just thought I’d share.
I like this idea! My dd got her ears pierced a week before her 8th birthday so that she wouldn’t be in pain on her birthday. I made it clear that she had to take care of her ears and could not wear dangle or hoops until HS (School rules not mine, but I liked them) except for the ocassional holiday. We agreed, she took care of the ears… things worked out well for us.
Now, the boys asked about ear piercing too… I said no way, not while you live in my house! But that is just me.
Sorry, but I think pierced ears are barbaric!! Babies are absolutely beautiful…without earrings. Just the thought of an earring on a baby getting caught in a blanket shatters my nerves.
I helped at school for many years and the number of girls I saw with infected ears was startling. Why allow this? So that they will look prettier? A daughter is beautiful without jewelry and fancy clothes. Being clean and mannerly and having good morals is more important.
Also, could the reason why they want to wear earrings at 8 or 9 be because they want to feel more sexy? Now we’re realing getting into a problem.
I’m 63 yrs. old, never have had my ears pierced and don’t even wear earrings. I wore some on special occasions when first married, but they are a pain to bother with.
I think young girls should wait till they’re 18 and then they can decide. (As for boys or men wearing earrings…I can’t stand it!! …and you don’t even want to know how I feel about lip, eyebrow and tongue piercing!!!):eek:
I had to smile when I read your post. My father always told me if God had wanted holes in your ears he would have made them. So I went without pierced ears until I was 18 and on my senior week vacation away from home. Now that I am a mama myself, I don’t know how I feel though! Good Luck!
My 4 year old daughter had her ears pierced at about 8 months, my wife had hers done when she was about 1 week old.
My wife is originally from Mexico, and it seems that early piercing of girls ears is quite common.