I want to know why I live the way I do!!! Can’t get enough food, pay too much rent, NO HELP, NO HELP. Live out in a rural area where there is no help. AND FAMILY WON’T HELP. I live in pain so horrible, I scream and cry. The only help I get is when the Doctor gives me Ibuprofen. Like taking water. I’m disabled on an income that doesn’t PAY for everything. I don’t have TV, a land phone, barely have the internet and it’s cutting off soon. I had the internet for four mos but prior to that, I didn’t have it for eight months. NO ST. PAUL SOCIETY, NO PANTRIES THAT will help me. I can’t walk to the nearest one. No neighbors, no vehicle, can’t afford one. I don’t buy clothes, I don’t buy shoes and more. I have family members that have a lot of money, but, they don’t help me. Not even my Mother. She’ll help my little brother who works and nothing wrong with him. But, not me.
I’ve prayed and prayed and also thanked God for the blessings I do have but still, I suffer!! I have cats and there is a woman that buys cat food for them, praise God for that. But, my favorite cats either got sick and died and now I have a cat that has a Cat mouth infection and can’t take her to the VET for treatment. No money. NO FREE CLINICS AND NO PAYMENT PLANS CLINICS. She is only 4 years old. I don’t want her to die! The cats are my furbabies, friends and help with my acute loneliness but they are dying off. The grief is too great when I lose one!
I can’t see my Father because of a woman marrying him for his money and legal WON’T HELP US. We’ve done all we can do without money!! Please don’t suggest, I’ve done it all! IT’S going on 6 years now. None of my Daddy’s family can see him.
Am I being punished? I don’t get mad at God or Jesus. I don’t blame them. I know it’s the way of the world and economics. But, I’m so, so tired of living like this. Why am I? I just cry, scream and yell all the time and think perhaps I’m being punished. Seven years of this agony and stress!!
I’m not in the mood for Christmas. No money. Not even putting a tree up. But I love the fact that it’s going to be Jesus’s birthday. Sounds contradictory.
Is asking if I’m being punished, getting angry at God?? I always thought I was railing at the situations.
I hate the way I live!! I CAN’T take any more chronic anxiety and panic at all!! And I have PTSD. I don’t know where to put this. And Thank you.