Greetings. I am in need of some sort of guidance, advice, any personal stories, or anything that will help me during this time. I am going through a rough stretch right now in my spiritual life. I do not know what God wants from me, and it is driving me mentally insane. Half of me thinks I should apply and enter seminary because of previous ‘signs.’ For example, my religion teacher in middle school who is a nun told me that she thinks I would make a great priest. Also, I remember in college when I was praying during adoration right before graduation, I told God that I will do anything he wants. I just want You to lead me to the right path and give me the correct signs. So literally the next day when I was outside a local seminary, one of the parishioners asked me if I have ever thought about becoming one, so I do not know whether that was God answering my prayer and giving me a sign or simply just a coincidence. This is only half of me.
The other half of me wants to get married. I want to have a romantic relationship. I want that partner that I can commit my life to and help and push her to get to Heaven, and vice versa. I want that ‘special someone’ to prayer the rosary together. Go to mass together. Go to adoration together. Lastly, I want that special someone to raise a good Catholic family together. I have been praying to God for that ‘special someone’ and finally met this amazing girl who matches all the qualities. So I do not know whether this is also a sign from God. However, I have yet to develop the courage to ask her out. If I do and she says no, then I am worried I am not called to vocation of marriage. If she says yes and things go well, I worry that I would like to marry her but I will be stressing if I will anger God because He might want to be a priest instead.
I have spoken to a couple of priests about my experiences, and they all give me different answers.
The thing is, I think / I have this mentality that I HAVE TO enter seminary and become a priest because it will be the only way I can get to Heaven. I watch ordination videos and it is so beautiful seeing these people lay on the ground and consecrate themselves to Christ and His Church. I also read that St. Paul teaches that it is better for men to become priests than to get married. He says:
“Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
“But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I.”
Lastly, Jesus said: “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”
I feel the only way that I can ‘pick up my cross’ and follow Christ is by consecrating myself to the Church, thus joining seminary.
I fear that I will go to hell if I ignore my vocation or decide to choose a different vocation that God did not have planned for me. Please help.
Thank you my brothers and sisters and God bless.