Please help me out..

Long story short, I am a 23 year old catholic woman from India. My older brother married a girl from a different religion a few years back. My parents were extremely depressed because of that and since then, they have been telling me that i should only marry the guy they choose for me (an arranged marriage) But 4 years back, i met and fell in love with this incredible man. He is also a catholic and of the same age but from a different “caste”. My parents are keen on “restoring the family honor in front of all relatives by getting me married to a guy from the same caste”. Now i am not in a position to tell my parents about my love because he is yet to clear his exams and secure a job. God willing, that should happen in 4 months’ time. Now they have started looking for a guy for me with great zeal and I am hearing caste based bigoted stuff from my mother almost every day.
Now my worry is, is it wrong for me to be in a relation knowing well that my parents will not like it? But i truly love him and he also truly loves me. We complement each other and a life without him is unimaginable. He is a perfect match for me and I’ve thanked God many times for giving me such a lovely boyfriend.
I definitely do not want to break this relationship but I am being tormented by these thoughts lately.
Also, i am praying fervently that my boyfriend clears his exam and secures a job soon. His family is also not aware of our relationship but there is a very good chance that they will accept it.
Do you think what I am doing is wrong?
Also, while praying i remember the lines " Ask and you shall receive" So i keep asking our Lord to somehow make things work out for me. But then a small thought crops up in my head “Submit yourself to the will of God” what does that mean? Should I ask? Will it be given to me? Please help me out. I’ve been deeply stressed for the last 10days.

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

In terms of the Catholic teaching you are 23 and it’s between you and God to make choices about your life.
Have your parents met your boyfriend? Maybe they need to get to know him more. Let them know how you feel and why you want to marry your boyfriend.
I’m sure they will want you to be happy and you might not be happy marrying someone you don’t love.
I know this has to do with your culture more than anything but I don’t think it’s in the interest of God to marry for financial or for social status reasons.

I know Indian women who joined a religious order to be nuns because they knew that was right for them and they knew God wanted it even though their parents wanted them to marry. Their parents accepted it in time and they became great nuns because they followed God’s call.
If it’s in your heart to marry your boyfriend not some other man then I think it’s right to marry your boyfriend. The other choice might lead you to a lifetime of regret and unhappiness.

Pray that your parents accept your choice! I prayed for you too :slight_smile:

Praying God’s will be done. Hope its what you want.

Dear darkangel123,

Whilst the heart tells me to say that you are 23 and you should do as you please in line with what you discern as God’s will, I understand that the cultural situation you find yourself in would make that impossible.

I understand the destructive impact on the family unit of what is perceived as youthful wilfulness. It is not unique to Indian culture but it is a dominant feature of traditional Indian families.

You have come to the right place for prayer, and I assure you of mine. Do not cease to pray and to believe that what you ask in Jesus’ name will be given to you. Pray hard that the Holy Spirit will help you to discern whether this young man is truly the one whom He would will you to start a family with. Ask for God’s blessing on your family that His will for you may come to fruition without anger and enmity taking grip. Pray for humility and for the words to express your heart’s desires in a way that will not hurt the family that is equally considered a gift from God.

I offer my prayers for these intentions in unison with yours and those of other CAF members here and ask that you may be blessed in your life with the Lord’s peace and joy.

Pax

You don’t have to obey your parents, now, since you are an adult. You can marry whom you choose.

When we know what the will of God is, we need to submit ourselves to it. For example, if one feels attraction for a married man, we must obey God, first, obey the commandments.

You can pray to God, ask that this work out with your relationship and that your family would accept it. What you would like isn’t sinful, so there’s no problem, there.

I have seen someone on this Catholic Answers Forum a while back who was in almost exactly the same situation as you where the family wanted her to marry someone, and she had been dating someone else, secretly, for something like 5 years, was in love and wanted to marry him. She was afraid of her family’s reaction.

Anyway, she got on the forum, asked for advice. Someone else from India suggested she be courageous and marry the man she loved, like the woman she knew.

The lady giving the advice said that this woman she knew, who married the man she loved, was very brave and did it, made it work.

It would be hard to go against your family’s wishes, but it would also be hard to marry a man you don’t love. Marriage is for life.

However, it’s not my life. I wouldn’t need to live with the consequences of this decision. You do.

I’d also encourage you to marry the one you love, for what it’s worth. I realize I was born and raised in the US, and things are different there. Even so, as long as everyone keeps listening to this caste system, nothing will ever change.

We believe we are all equal in the sight of God.

Oh, “To thine own self be true”. Shakespeare. (Be true to yourself).

Good luck with whatever you decide, though.

God bless you.

Hi please help me !
I am suddenly afraid! it is because I confessed 2 days ago and I told the priest I was a proud person,

and he told me that if you are proud then prepare for God to humble you… and I asked how does God humble me?

and he gave examples such as being rejected or my girlfriend liking another guy and leaving me… this made me very sad.

Will God do this to humble me? can he humble me another way? I am scared that God will do this

I thought that Catholics did not believe in caste. That is only for the Hindus.

Thank you for your prayer. Please keep me in your prayers

Thank you for your prayer. I have not told my parents yet and when i do, I am certain that they will not be willing to meet him and instead reject him based on caste. But, things may turn out differently if God makes them understand my feelings. Please keep me in your prayers

Thank you. Please keep praying for us.

Thank you so much! Your reply meant a lot to me and it was very mature as well! Keep us in your prayers!

Thank you ! True all of us are equal but unfortunately in India, the caste system still prevails. Hope this situation changes in the future

Yes the Hindus formed the caste system but in India everyone was a Hindu initially. Even after conversion to Christianity, unfortunately the Catholics kept up the caste system . This can be seen even among the priests and nuns. Protestants however, do not have this bad practice.

No don’t worry. God will not do that.

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

Praying for your happiness; that love and understanding will surround your family.

God Bless

It’s going to be difficult to get informed advice on this subject because caste systems are non-existant in most of the cultures represented on CAF. Perhaps you can find someone to confide in who lives in your community and possibly knows your family? It’s really difficult for someone outside of the situation to advise you properly because they don’t fully understand the possible consequences. One things we can do is pray for the situation to work itself out! Keep in mind that God has a plan for you, even if it isn’t the same as your parent’s plan.

God might do that, or it might happen anyway.

George,
You sound young. Are you in a position to marry? If you are not, then what is your goal in dating?

God will do what is best for you. In the meantime, you should work on increasing your humility, which is the virtue opposite to the vice of pride. There are lots of little things you can do to improve in humility. A couple of easy ones are to thank God for all your good points–recognize that the good in you is a gift from God. And thank God for other gifts He has given you: your Catholic faith, your family, etc.

There is a book online or in books called Spiritual Combat by Dom Scupoli. It has a lot of good advice about growing in all the virtues. If you need help finding it, ask and I will link it.

Praying for you to get your heart’s desires.

In Christian terms if you think you really have a vocation to your boyfriend, I believe that you must do your best to seek to confirm this. I’m not saying that you elope, disown your parents in the name of love or what…but with your faith–through prayer, the masses, spiritual direction and guidance, you must do your best to seek God’s will. You will not know if you will not try to find out :slight_smile:

May God enlighten you with His will:)

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