Please help me talk to my sister & mom re:abortion


#1

i am catholic and my mom and sister have stepped away from the faith. my sister is 29 unmarried. my mom is a widow and she recently allowed my sister's "boyfriend" (actually a much older man) stay at her house. basically, my sister thinks she may be pregnant from this off again, on again "boyfriend", who at this point does not want anything to do with her.

my mom talks to my sister about abortion as if it's the most off-hand thing in the world. i am very upset at the mention of this, i have told my mom how i feel. but i'm not sure what to do in regard to my sister. we have not spoken more than a few sentences to each other for the past 2 years. she has a lot of problems and is very difficult to deal with in any way- i think she would have a VERY hard time trying to raise a child, let alone without a father. i don't want this post to be all about her and her problems. but i would love some help in what to say to her, if i should call her or not, etc, etc. thank you.


#2

=steph410;8074835]i am catholic and my mom and sister have stepped away from the faith. my sister is 29 unmarried. my mom is a widow and she recently allowed my sister's "boyfriend" (actually a much older man) stay at her house. basically, my sister thinks she may be pregnant from this off again, on again "boyfriend", who at this point does not want anything to do with her.

my mom talks to my sister about abortion as if it's the most off-hand thing in the world. i am very upset at the mention of this, i have told my mom how i feel. but i'm not sure what to do in regard to my sister. we have not spoken more than a few sentences to each other for the past 2 years. she has a lot of problems and is very difficult to deal with in any way- i think she would have a VERY hard time trying to raise a child, let alone without a father. i don't want this post to be all about her and her problems. but i would love some help in what to say to her, if i should call her or not, etc, etc. thank you.

TRY using the Bible BUT only God grants Faith and Understanding:

The Fifth Commandment is "Thou Shall NOT KIll"

Genesis 4:1 The man had intercourse with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain. 'I have acquired a man with the help of Yahweh,' she said.

John.1 Verses 12 to 14: “But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God; who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. “

*Gen.38: 6-10 *

“And Judah took a wife for Er his first-born, and her name was Tamar. But Er, Judah's first-born, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. Then Judah [the Father of both sons] said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife, and perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother." But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife he spilled the semen on the ground, lest he should give offspring to his brother. **And what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD, and he slew him also. **

Pray the Rosary daily for them.

God Bless,
Pat


#3

When a family member is in this kind of a situation, it is your duty, regardless of circumstances, to intervene. It is also you duty as a catholic to do anything and everything possible to save the life of your unborn niece or nephew.

Pre- abortion counseling usually consists of the following: helping your sister understand that there is a baby, whose heart is beating and with a different blood and DNA code than hers…it is NOT a blob and it is NOT just a piece of her, like her appendix.

  1. She should be made aware of the consequences of abortion and since she’s not religious perhaps this is what you can start with. Increased risk of cervical cancer,of breast cancer, of miscarriages and ectopic pregnancies in the future etc. The physical risks alone would suffic to make me want to go out of my way to save any woman from abortion. Than, of course, there are the psychological factors- I. Post-abortion trauma.

  2. Las but not least,let her know what her alternatives are. Look online for the pregnancy centre nearest you and see what kind of counselingmand services they offer. Also reassure hernof your support and understanding of her difficult situation.mof course, given her issues, you will probably have to mention adoption… Would you benwilling to raise her child? It is usually VERY powerful to have someone else say I will help you raise your child or I am willing to adopt him/ her.

By all means give her a call and in the kindest and best intending way present her all this info. Please keep in mind, she is not evil neither is your mom, you have to work with and FOR them, not against them. Jesus died for their souls jsut as much as for any of us.

Will be praying for you and for them!


#4

Thank you for coming here and sharing your story! Please be assured of my prayers for you and your family.

I think the primary focus here should be mending your relationship and letting your sister know that you love her. At this point it seems your sister probably wouldn't even call you if she had a positive pregnancy test since you have only exchanged a "few sentences in the last two years" All the perfect words in the world are not going to convince your sister not to have an abortion; because if she isn't speaking to you she is never going to hear them.

A simple "I love you, I wish we were closer. Please call me so we can go have coffee" would be, I think the best way to start. I know it is tempting to want to give her bible quotes but if she doesn't really love you or care for you the words might me meaningless to her.


#5

[quote="Monicad, post:4, topic:246968"]
Thank you for coming here and sharing your story! Please be assured of my prayers for you and your family.

I think the primary focus here should be mending your relationship and letting your sister know that you love her. At this point it seems your sister probably wouldn't even call you if she had a positive pregnancy test since you have only exchanged a "few sentences in the last two years" All the perfect words in the world are not going to convince your sister not to have an abortion; because if she isn't speaking to you she is never going to hear them.

A simple "I love you, I wish we were closer. Please call me so we can go have coffee" would be, I think the best way to start. I know it is tempting to want to give her bible quotes but if she doesn't really love you or care for you the words might me meaningless to her.

[/quote]

thanks for responding. i tend to agree with most of what you have written. however, i have tried numerous times to do just what you have described to try to mend the relationship. whatever her reasons are, she does not like me. also, she lives quite far away so coffee is not possible. in the recent past i have not made the attempt to call her because it ALWAYS ends badly.

also, i would love to be able to honestly say that i would be willing to adopt her child or raise it for her, but i have 4 very young children of my own and am not sure how that would work. i know i need to say something to her about the reality of abortion to try to at least get her to think about it, but it will be a challenge.


#6

congrat with your position. but there is so much you can do for you cannot decide for others. only you can know the timings.

do whatever is possible, pray a dlot and well do too, dont regret anything you’ve said or you are going to say for you are doing your best and God is at your side. God bless…:thumbsup:


#7

It's sad that while some people can't have babies, some people are practically throwing them away. Wait, maybe you could suggest putting the baby up for adoption? Also, a previous post by 1inlCXC made some good points. (I am sorry, i don't know how to quote)


#8

I just listened to a five year old broadcast from TED.com, about Steve Jobs. Google it. It's pretty interesting...

This amazing gentleman was given up for adoption. If the young woman who gave Steve up had made different choices, we wouldn't be listening to ipods, phonining on our Iphones, building magazines and newspapers with our Macs, making movies like Toy Story.

Nine months out of a persons life go like that... But the change to that little guy could be change for the whole world.

I realize this may or may not make any sense to your sister. Trust me, that I have seriously been in your position before. I am praying for your sister, the little baby and praising God that you are trying, and praying as well. May God bless your efforts to change the world, with prayer and hope.


#9

If your mother and sister are not actively religious then I would suggest you talk to them about abortion in secular terms. It is NOT only a religious issue. It is a civil rights issue. When I discuss abortion with secular people I hinge my argument on three main points.

1 ~ Ask if they would support a policy where a child could be "aborted" for up to 24 hours AFTER birth. Ask them if they think that a couple should be able to meet the child, look "it" over, and decide to hand "it" back to a doctor and say, "No thanks. We were hoping for green eyes. Abort this one." and have the doctor kill the baby. If your family members are at all like 99% of the folks that I have asked this hypothetical, they would be horrified. Ask them why the 24 hours is that big a deal. "It" can not survive without parents at this point any more than "it" could before birth. Does "it" become a baby simply because "it" aged 1 more day? Why does "it" suddenly get these rights of protection? The beauty of this argument is that the pro-abortion person usually ends up defending a baby's right to live. Then it just becomes a discussion of WHEN they get this right. I've found this very effective and have changed more than a couple of minds with this.

2 ~ My second argument is a civil rights argument. It starts by discussing slavery... For 400 years the law of the land said that a large number of "bipedal mammals" living here were not people. Ask if the fact that the law said they were "un-people" truly made them not human. Were the Africans brought here in chains and their descendants people the whole time or did they only become people when they were declared to be legally "free". During the 1930s and 1940s, the nation of Germany declared that Jews were not humans. Did this actually make them not human? Obviously no one would defend slavery or the Holocaust on the basis of "the law of the land said it was legal". This strips away one of the pro-abortionist's main argument. Roe v. Wade becomes moot in the light of the fact that it is not the first time that people were declared as non-people and not the first time that it resulted in the horrific inhuman treatment and even the mass murder of those people. It's easy to oppress a section of the population when that section is incapable of speaking up for themselves.

3 ~ Lastly, I ask if they believe that it is "possible" that the fetus is human. I don't ask if they believe it is, or isn't, simply is it "possible". Anyone that says no, it is not "possible", I ask them how they determined that. If it is not possible, then they must have conclusive proof that the fetus is not human. When asked to provide that proof, most give in and say "Yeah, OK, it's possible. But I don't believe it is."... Then I ask them something like this... "OK, so it's possibly a human and possibly not a human. Which is the greater evil, to deny a woman a procedure no more morally wrong than a haircut if the fetus is just a tumor, or to kill a baby if the fetus is human?"... Often folks will say "I never said it was the moral equivalent of a haircut"... This is where I go for the throat (figuratively speaking) "Really? if it's not a baby why would it have any implication greater than clipping your nails?"

The defense of abortion requires flawed logic. Make a logical, secular appeal... The main defense of abortion today is "Stop trying to cram your religion down my throat!" I never discuss religion and abortion at the same time. Take that card right out of their deck and a large number of pro-abortionists lose their only argument.

Also, I never refer to myself as "Pro life"... I am "anti abortion". I also will not accept them referring to themselves as "pro choice"... they are "pro abortion" and if they balk at that, ask them why... If abortion is not the killing of a child why would they object to saying they are pro abortion?

Lastly I refer to the Susan Smith murder case. The woman that drove her babies into a lake and watched them drown. I suggest it was simply a retro-active abortion. The same can be said of the Casey Anthony case now being decided.

Hope that helps. I will be praying for your success.

God bless!


#10

[quote="Myqyl, post:9, topic:246968"]
If your mother and sister are not actively religious then I would suggest you talk to them about abortion in secular terms. It is NOT only a religious issue. It is a civil rights issue. When I discuss abortion with secular people I hinge my argument on three main points.

1 ~ Ask if they would support a policy where a child could be "aborted" for up to 24 hours AFTER birth. Ask them if they think that a couple should be able to meet the child, look "it" over, and decide to hand "it" back to a doctor and say, "No thanks. We were hoping for green eyes. Abort this one." and have the doctor kill the baby. If your family members are at all like 99% of the folks that I have asked this hypothetical, they would be horrified. Ask them why the 24 hours is that big a deal. "It" can not survive without parents at this point any more than "it" could before birth. Does "it" become a baby simply because "it" aged 1 more day? Why does "it" suddenly get these rights of protection? The beauty of this argument is that the pro-abortion person usually ends up defending a baby's right to live. Then it just becomes a discussion of WHEN they get this right. I've found this very effective and have changed more than a couple of minds with this.

2 ~ My second argument is a civil rights argument. It starts by discussing slavery... For 400 years the law of the land said that a large number of "bipedal mammals" living here were not people. Ask if the fact that the law said they were "un-people" truly made them not human. Were the Africans brought here in chains and their descendants people the whole time or did they only become people when they were declared to be legally "free". During the 1930s and 1940s, the nation of Germany declared that Jews were not humans. Did this actually make them not human? Obviously no one would defend slavery or the Holocaust on the basis of "the law of the land said it was legal". This strips away one of the pro-abortionist's main argument. Roe v. Wade becomes moot in the light of the fact that it is not the first time that people were declared as non-people and not the first time that it resulted in the horrific inhuman treatment and even the mass murder of those people. It's easy to oppress a section of the population when that section is incapable of speaking up for themselves.

3 ~ Lastly, I ask if they believe that it is "possible" that the fetus is human. I don't ask if they believe it is, or isn't, simply is it "possible". Anyone that says no, it is not "possible", I ask them how they determined that. If it is not possible, then they must have conclusive proof that the fetus is not human. When asked to provide that proof, most give in and say "Yeah, OK, it's possible. But I don't believe it is."... Then I ask them something like this... "OK, so it's possibly a human and possibly not a human. Which is the greater evil, to deny a woman a procedure no more morally wrong than a haircut if the fetus is just a tumor, or to kill a baby if the fetus is human?"... Often folks will say "I never said it was the moral equivalent of a haircut"... This is where I go for the throat (figuratively speaking) "Really? if it's not a baby why would it have any implication greater than clipping your nails?"

The defense of abortion requires flawed logic. Make a logical, secular appeal... The main defense of abortion today is "Stop trying to cram your religion down my throat!" I never discuss religion and abortion at the same time. Take that card right out of their deck and a large number of pro-abortionists lose their only argument.

Also, I never refer to myself as "Pro life"... I am "anti abortion". I also will not accept them referring to themselves as "pro choice"... they are "pro abortion" and if they balk at that, ask them why... If abortion is not the killing of a child why would they object to saying they are pro abortion?

Lastly I refer to the Susan Smith murder case. The woman that drove her babies into a lake and watched them drown. I suggest it was simply a retro-active abortion. The same can be said of the Casey Anthony case now being decided.

Hope that helps. I will be praying for your success.

God bless!

[/quote]

Im with you!:thumbsup:


#11

[quote="steph410, post:1, topic:246968"]
i am catholic and my mom and sister have stepped away from the faith. my sister is 29 unmarried. my mom is a widow and she recently allowed my sister's "boyfriend" (actually a much older man) stay at her house. basically, my sister thinks she may be pregnant from this off again, on again "boyfriend", who at this point does not want anything to do with her.

my mom talks to my sister about abortion as if it's the most off-hand thing in the world. i am very upset at the mention of this, i have told my mom how i feel. but i'm not sure what to do in regard to my sister. we have not spoken more than a few sentences to each other for the past 2 years. she has a lot of problems and is very difficult to deal with in any way- i think she would have a VERY hard time trying to raise a child, let alone without a father. i don't want this post to be all about her and her problems. but i would love some help in what to say to her, if i should call her or not, etc, etc. thank you.

[/quote]

I keep praing for you that God maygive you strength and courage and illumintare your spirit. Bless you....:thumbsup:


#12

I feel for you, but I''m not sure if I have anything to offer, because I was in a similar situation, which didn't go so well.

In my case it was my husband's brother and his wife. The wife is nominally Catholic, but only identified with her faith when it was convenient. They became pregnant during their long-term relationship, but before they were married. They spoke to my husband about what they should do. I was officially "out of the loop", so I didn't speak to anyone else about it, as though I hadn't been told. I coached my husband in what to say, even to the point of offering to take the baby and raise it for them if they would only keep it.

Eventually hubby's brother decided that it might be hard but he wanted to keep it. His girlfriend disagreed and went ahead with the abortion.

I had prayed a lot that they would make the right decision, but ultimately it didn't happen. I now believe that I didn't do enough. I left it to my husband to talk to them, and I really should have stepped in. My husband agrees with me about abortion, but I doubt he would be strenuous in his talking with them. As a fellow Catholic I might have been able to appeal to her sense of right and wrong. I'll never know, though.

The saddest part is that they are now married but unable to have children.

I don't know what you can say, especially if she doesn't like you, but you really have to try something. Maybe it's best to try and talk to your mother about it - after all, it's her grandchild.


#13

Sometimes the best way to talk with someone is to simply say to them, "This will affect you for the rest of your life. I love you. I will help you if you make the right decision. If you make the wrong decision, I will still love you and be here for you when you ask for help".

She will deny she will ever ask for help, Eventually, if she gets the abortion, she will need that help. She will be so deeply wounded it will affect everything.

The fact that right now she is allowing herself to be a play toy for a man who cares nothing about her shows she is deeply wounded already. Keep praying for her...she will need you so much someday.

I will keep her in my heart.


#14

[quote="steph410, post:1, topic:246968"]
i am catholic and my mom and sister have stepped away from the faith. my sister is 29 unmarried. my mom is a widow and she recently allowed my sister's "boyfriend" (actually a much older man) stay at her house. basically, my sister thinks she may be pregnant from this off again, on again "boyfriend", who at this point does not want anything to do with her.

my mom talks to my sister about abortion as if it's the most off-hand thing in the world. i am very upset at the mention of this, i have told my mom how i feel. but i'm not sure what to do in regard to my sister. we have not spoken more than a few sentences to each other for the past 2 years. she has a lot of problems and is very difficult to deal with in any way- i think she would have a VERY hard time trying to raise a child, let alone without a father. i don't want this post to be all about her and her problems. but i would love some help in what to say to her, if i should call her or not, etc, etc. thank you.

[/quote]

First of all, does your sister know that you know about her possible pregnancy? Or did your mom tell you as family gossip? If you don't know through your sister, it's going to be tricky to talk to her about it, since presumably you wouldn't even know about it.

If you are really concerned, and you should be, I would advise you to call her, and put your cards on the table. Tell her, "Mom told me you may be pregnant, she is worried about the situation, I am sorry about how I found out, but now that I know, is there any way I can help you?" Contact the pro-life coalition closest to her and give her their contact information. Send her websites if you have her email address. There is at least one secular anti-abortion website that I know of, it's www.abort73.com but they do have one of the most shocking videos so be warned about that. If she is abortion-minded you may have to take it more slowly than that. Then again, seeing a video like that can end the option for some women.

I would call your own local pro-life coalition and ask them for help and support. They are very used to dealing with abortion-minded women and can give you better suggestions than any of us. They will have materials that you can use, as well as resources you can point her to. You do not have to offer to adopt and raise the baby, in fact, I don't think they suggest that to many women. It is a pro-abortion argument that "if you support adoption, how many babies have YOU raised???" Don't even go into it.

I will put your sister into my prayers. My own sister had an abortion many years ago and her life has been forever changed. I was not able to stop her at the time. It's one part of why I am involved with the pro-life effort so heavily now.


#15

thanks to all...i am going to call her and hope it goes ok.


#16

Would you be in a position to raise her child? If you could offer this it may give her a way out where she may not think she has any and it would be an act of charity on your part.


#17

[quote="steph410, post:1, topic:246968"]

my mom talks to my sister about abortion as if it's the most off-hand thing in the world. i am very upset at the mention of this, i have told my mom how i feel. but i'm not sure what to do in regard to my sister. we have not spoken more than a few sentences to each other for the past 2 years. she has a lot of problems and is very difficult to deal with in any way- i think she would have a VERY hard time trying to raise a child, let alone without a father. i don't want this post to be all about her and her problems. but i would love some help in what to say to her, if i should call her or not, etc, etc. thank you.

[/quote]

First I would like to say I am 100% against abortion. However, I also believe in live and let live and judge not lest you be judge.

In other words, until your sister who is 29 point blank calls you and says 'I am pregnant what should I do?', the only action required on your part is prayer.

You told your mom how you feel. Good for you. Now if your mom wants to pursue the topic tell her you will not change your opinion and unless she changes hers, there is no moer discussion of this

Also, I have to wonder why your sister won't talk to you? Perhaps you have done things to hurt her. Maybe you are unaware of hurting her but........ She is 29. Statements such as 'i think she would have a VERY hard time trying to raise a child,' makes her feel judged. It is no surprise she doesn't want to talk to you.

Lastly, if you she does end up having the baby but does not want to raise it, there are tons of people who are willing to adopt. I don't think you should take the child in. Just think of family functions where your sister arrives in one car, her daughter in the other. Her daughter doesn't know if she should call her 'mom' or 'aunt' because she lives with her cousins (so they feel like siblings) and they are all calling her 'aunt'. Too much of a mess

CM


#18

I believe that you should let your sister decide however she wants.

Ultimately, there's nothing you can say to change her mind if she's set on doing it. Even if she is your family, it really isn't your decision to make. It's her baby, her body, and she'll make her choice.

Abortion is a hard decision for a soon-to-be mother that does not believe in God and feels that there is actually a decision to be made on the subject anyway. There is a relatively good chance that she will feel she can't go through with it even without any spiritual coaxing. All you can really do is hope or pray that she makes the decision that is right according to church principles.


#19

[quote="Caged, post:18, topic:246968"]
I believe that you should let your sister decide however she wants.

Ultimately, there's nothing you can say to change her mind if she's set on doing it. Even if she is your family, it really isn't your decision to make.** It's her baby, her body, and she'll make her choice.**

Abortion is a hard decision for a soon-to-be mother that does not believe in God and feels that there is actually a decision to be made on the subject anyway. There is a relatively good chance that she will feel she can't go through with it even without any spiritual coaxing. All you can really do is hope or pray that she makes the decision that is right according to church principles.

[/quote]

Her baby is actually God's baby, and her body is merely sheltering this new soul. It is imperative that Catholics DO NOT turn their backs on anyone who might abort because it is ALL of our responsibility!


#20

My wife and I just watched a DVD of our four month old daughter (sonogram). She turned over twice, stretched her legs and sucked her thumb. Thanks be to God.

peace


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