My brother is an intelligent, educated person. He works in the medical field and is well liked and respected by his patients. Sadly, though his personal life is messed up.
He married a woman that he cheated on his live in girlfriend with. His wife was also married at the time and the friend of by brother’s girlfriend.
My brother and his wife have cheated on one another and she has been violent toward him. He says that he still loves her but they are now seperated.
He judges women mainly by how they look. When he came to our house, he bragged a bit about the attractiveness of the various women whom he dates. He didn’t seem at all inclined to consider them on any deeper level. In fact, for an intelligent guy he is amazingly shallow in this regard.
For example, he showed me a picture of a woman on his cell phone. He said that she was a fine human being. So, I said to clarify “You mean that she is as a human being fine.” First he responded yes, so I reasked if he meant that she was a good person. He responded, “Well she is 35 and looks 19.” Not knowing what else to say-he obviously didn’t understand what I was asking, I told him that she wasn’t bad looking but not 19. “Oh no,” He told me. “I don’t mean her face. I mean her body. She works out a lot.”
Why would any guy, even begin to mention another woman’s body to his older sister. Why not her personality, or her ability to be compassionate?
He and his wife are about to get back together but he doesn’t want to go to therapy. He says that they don’t have time because they both work.:banghead: Oh, both he and this woman are still dating and having sex with other people.
My sister and I have both begged him just not to date. We want him to get some therapy and work on himself. He says that he needs a woman to take care of him, so he has to have a woman in his life. Of course, he also wants a woman with a perfect body who dresses sexy, is faithful, educated and willing to work outside the home and still wants a family.
He badly wants children. He is great around kids when he remembers them. He took care of my sister’s children while she was in Iraq and her hubby was deployed. He was great with them but he tends to forget children too. Both my sister and I have had him promise our children to do things with them and then he just forgets them. If he was a bad uncle this would not be so horrible but he is so attentive and playful when he is around them that his actions hurt our kids.
He is a genius level in I.Q. but he basis all his decisions on his emotions. Everything is how about how he ‘feels’ at the moment.
He tells me that he can’t help but ‘love’ his first wife, but he basis he emotions on no substance at all. I don’t think that he loves her, I think that he loves melodrama and the rush of adrenaline that comes with such a up and down relationship. I should point out that most of his long term girlfriends have been NUTS!
I don’t even know if my brother considers himself a Christian anymore. I am afraid to ask. I pray and pray and pray for him but he just seems to get more caught up in his own self the older he gets. My talking to him just makes him refuse to contact me for months at a time, during which I worry that some crazy girlfriend or jilted husband has killed him.
When he came to my house for Thanksgiving I showed him my blog and he seemed impressed. He wants me to email him the website so that he can read through it. I thought that maybe if I don’t mention him directly , I can write something that would put some seed in his heart to change. I just don’t know what to write. The only reason that I can see my brother changing is if he has some sort of divine revelation:(
He’s my brother and I love him, so I really don’t want to give up hope for him. But it really hurts me to see him messing up his life.