I am a long time poster here but I wanted to post under another name this time. Please bear with me.
After 7 years of marriage, my husband just up and told me the other day that he was no longer happy. He is empty. He feels I don’t love him. He feels that he has nothing left to give and doesn’t even know if he wants to try to fix this. He feels that married the wrong person. He wonders how life would be without me, and flirts with divorce, though isn’t sure he really wants that, yet.
We have little children and another on the way, and I’m ready to die. I never saw this coming. Only now in looking back have I noticed a few things about us. His “love languages” and my “love languages” are nowhere near similar. So when I did things for him out of love, he appreciated it but didn’t feel loved. The same with him toward me. And my personality, being stronger than his and more dominate, squelched him. The thing is that he never told me any of this through the years. He just “offered it up” and figured marriage was a struggle and he needed to work harder at it. But he never told me anything about what he thought. He never owned his own opinions, even when I asked and begged and urged him to give me an opinion. He never admitted when I was being pushy, or a nag, or anything. He just silently kept it all to himself, and now it’s all coming out 7 years later.
And, I’ve also noticed things about myself, too. I started to take him for granted and would happily “dump” the kids on him when he got home. He always dropped everything to get me things or run errands for me or change diapers, and I became comfortable in that and let him to do it.
We stopped planning “date nights” ages ago. We have fallen out of touch with each other, and I see him as only my kids’ father, and he see me as his kids’ mother. That’s it. It’s empty. We’re broken.
We haven’t prayed together in 6 years, other than a piddly nighttime prayer before bed, if we’re both in bed at the same time and if we’re awake enough to even realize what we’re saying.
So I see the solution now as
We need time as a couple again, to reconnect
We need prayer in our lives
We need to speak the love languages the other understands and thrives from
We need to learn to communicate so that things aren’t harbored away forever to where resentment and hate begin to build
The problem is that he is emotionally empty. He said he doesn’t know if he wants to work any more. He has nothing left to give. And I don’t know what to do.
I look at our beautiful children and want to throw up - what will become of their lives if he leaves us? What will become of my husband and I? Will we become bitter and unforgiving? Will we spend the rest of our lives in lonely agony?
I don’t even know who he is anymore.
I don’t know what to do. He is unresponsive. We have talked and cried for nights on end, and with a mediator, and today with a priest. We want to go to Retrouvaille. But he’s dead inside.
This feels like a terrible, terrible nightmare and I can’t wake from it.