Please help me.


#1

I have a big problem and I need your help. Excuse my rant, but I need to get this out.

I’ve been trying REALLY hard to be a better Christian. I’ve been praying a lot to Christ and asking for help from Mary. I get on a good roll and don’t sin for a little while (like a day or two). Then it seems like temptation becomes overwhelming at times and I stumble again. It happens over and over and over. My particular sins of choice, it seems, are like a drug addiction. I’m feeling like a guy who is getting beaten up and its really hard to get back up each time. I can’t imagine what it was like when Christ would fall on his way to his crucifixtion, but I’m starting to think it was something like me being crushed by my guilt (dont misunderstand me…I am in no way comparing myself to God). Jesus told us that you are either with him or you are against him. How can I be with him if I can’t stop insulting him with my constant failures?

I get really down on myself. I try to think of the kind of people who get to spend eternity with God and I think I’m not that kind of guy. When I sin, its like I’ve spit on the Lord’s face and I don’t even want to look up at him after that. Sometimes I can hardly spend three seconds with the Lord because I’m almost too embarrassed, let alone eternity. It takes a lot to make a macho 26 year old guy like me to cry, but I seem to be able to do it. I’m really sad because I want to be with God but I know I don’t deserve even the slightest glance from him. If it were up to me, I’d be in Hell already.

Protestants talk about a “personal relationship with the Lord,” but why the heck would he want to have a relationship with someone so far from being a saint? When I look back at how I used to live, I never felt ashamed or “beaten up” and battered. It was an ignorant time for me…and a WHOLE lot easier than fighting against my sins. This might sound stupid…but I really miss not feeling like garbage all the time.

On top of these feelings…I also feel really alone. No one I know is a religious person who I can talk to…I can’t share my struggle with my wife…because many of my sins should have ended our marriage a long time ago. I don’t have anyone to talk to…and despair is the last place I want to be.

I’m not sure if any of you have more advice for me…but please please please pray for me. I don’t want my sins to break me and I don’t want the next time I fall to be a permanant one.


#2

The best thing to do is to consult someone for advice. Go to confession and tell your situation to the priest. A good priest can give you support on where to go.

It is a little hard to tell your exact problem, but it does sound if I am reading through the lines right that it involves sexual issues.

If it does join Sexaholics Anonymous.

If it involves a same sex attraction, contact Courage couragerc.net

If it involves masturbation, there are several Christian sites online that can help with that.

No matter what whenever you fall, realize that the loving power of Christ can help you and that the only unforgivable sin is to believe that Jesus/the Holy Spirit will not or can not forgive your sins. When you fall go to confession and resolve never to do it again.


#3

I know exactly what you are going through. I know what it feels like to want to so much repent from sin. We try to walk the path only to fall down again and again… it’s like a never ending cycle…

And we pray, God, my God save me, have mercy on me. We hang our heads and wonder if we will ever stop.

I was driving myself crazy and making myself sick. I had to stop punishing myself for falling all the time. I stopped going to confession because it seem like a big joke to always go back for a sin that I felt I couldn’t stop. (not telling you to do that)

I had to learn that even though I fall time after time, God does not stop loving me and caring for me and leading me home. That is what He wants ya know… to lead us home.

All we see is the reality of our sin, but God sees more than our sin He sees the complete person, the heart and our poor work in trying to be better.

In my own sinful state I want to tell you that God is closer to you now than he has ever been before. He sees the pain that sin brings to you and he wants to love you and comfort you. He has no desire to separate Himself from you.

God is not ashamed of you. God will not turn his back on you, God is forever reaching out to you… And when we fall down HE does not frown as our earthly parents do (did) But rather he picks us up and dusts us off and kisses our scrape and says, “Be careful or you are going to get hurt.” He is a good Father.


#4

[quote=fenderstrokes]I have a big problem and I need your help. Excuse my rant, but I need to get this out.

I’ve been trying REALLY hard to be a better Christian. I’ve been praying a lot to Christ and asking for help from Mary. I get on a good roll and don’t sin for a little while (like a day or two). Then it seems like temptation becomes overwhelming at times and I stumble again. It happens over and over and over. My particular sins of choice, it seems, are like a drug addiction. I’m feeling like a guy who is getting beaten up and its really hard to get back up each time.

On top of these feelings…I also feel really alone. No one I know is a religious person who I can talk to…I can’t share my struggle with my wife…because many of my sins should have ended our marriage a long time ago. I don’t have anyone to talk to…and despair is the last place I want to be.

I’m not sure if any of you have more advice for me…but please please please pray for me. I don’t want my sins to break me and I don’t want the next time I fall to be a permanant one.
[/quote]

You are encountering the typical obstacles (human, woordly and demonic) for anyone attempting to walk a deeper and more faithful walk with Christ.

What you need first and foremost is Christian fellowship. To purposely seek out and establish yourself in a group of committed Christ centered relationships. God knows this, but you need to seek out. For specific addiction issues, seek counseling or self-help if deemed necessary.

Trying to walk with Christ in isolation leaves you terribly disadvantaged and vulnerable to the wiles of the devil, you “old man” sin habit/preferece, and worldly influence.


#5

“Protestants talk about a “personal relationship with the Lord,” but why the heck would he want to have a relationship with someone so far from being a saint?”

Fender…He wants a relationship with you because you are His child, created in His image. God loves us more deeply than we can love ourselves. Even when you would give up on yourself, God does not give up on you. If that’s hard to comprehend, don’t worry about it, just try to trust in that love. I’d encourage you to seek help for any specific issues you’re having, as the other posters did.


#6

You love God anyone can see that from reading your post, that is the beginning of the road to keeping the law written in our hearts and also kept by the Catholic Church, but you will not stop being a sinner, this battle you will have to fight all of your earthly life.

Jesus said if you love me you will keep my laws, but He knew that was impossible for us as weak humans to do, He knew it and so He created the Church with the sacraments so that we may be spiritually strengthened by His grace for the tough fight ahead against evil and against our own broken natures. He didn’t ask us to travel this hard path alone and you are not alone, Jesus travels this path with you along with His Father, the Holy Spirit and the entire communion of Saints and every time you suffer and struggle because of the temptation to sin Jesus is right there with you.

The closer humans get to God the harder it gets!

You fall, we all fall, we are all sinners bar two, Jesus and Mary. But we must not be discouraged by the falling, this is one of the crosses we have to carry, we have to carry all of our days on earth the knowledge that no matter how hard we try we always sin even if it is not mortal but we sin in a venial manner by fault of nature even if it is not in the intent to do so. It is written in the Scriptures,‘The just man falls seven times a day’.

However the just man doesn’t give in to the falling, the just man seeks God straight away and repents and keeps a repentant heart and places all of his hope in Jesus. Satan would love for you to give up and grow weary, when we stop getting up after falling we have given up.

Life is about falling and getting up again in all parts of our life, but the getting up has to be done by taking the hand of Jesus Who brings us to our feet again. Sometimes we need to fall many times before we grasp grace with both hands, sometimes we need to fall hard and to our lowest points before we get up again.

Try and make monthly confession at least, Jesus’ grace will be showered upon you from His Cross in His most Precious Blood in this Sacrament. Receive Holy Communion as often as is possible for you within your working life, this is spiritual food for your soul and will strengthen you to conform you to the likeness of Christ.

Your wife has forgiven you or you would not still be married for whatever the transgression you made against her, therefore there is great hope of her understanding. In confining to her you show her you trust her with your innermost heart and this also shows you love her and as such are vunerable and vunerability is most attractive although the world would say it isn’t but our Lord was never more vunerable than when He took on human flesh and ultimately died upon the Cross!

Continue to pray and pray a great deal and the way to do this is to offer every action and word of each of your days to God in sacrifice and penance for your sins. You cannot sit every hour of the day praying, but you can pray all day by making everything you do a prayer, be it work, relaxation and home life.

You may like to practice the Presence of God. I have found this very beneficial. It is very hard to sin when we frequently call to mind that God is present with us all of the time and sees our every action and word.

You may also like to divert your thoughts as all sins begin within the thoughts. Once the temptation to sin assaults your mind, occupy yourself with something else, recite the mutliplication table or a favourite prayer, think about a loved one and offer all this terrible sufferance to God because He Himself endured temptation and knows how painful it is.

You are on the right track, but don’t be down on yourself because we all remain sinners all of our days, but it is the constant turning around back to God that matters with the desire not to sin again for God’s good name and your intent to love Him that He searches the heart for. God desires to be intimate with you, to live in you and you in Him, there is nothing more personal than that and because He desires it He has placed the desire in you to desire it also, He won’t give up on pursuing you, so you keep your end of the bargain, but expect it to be like a watered garden sometimes and an arid desert other times because both are necessary for spiritual growth closer to God, still in all times persevere! :slight_smile:

You are not alone. Speak to your Priest and tell him all of this next time you make a good and frank confession.

In my prayers


#7

If I didn’t know any better I would think I wrote this… believe me you are not alone friend. I, like many other people here I am sure, have many of the same issues, its a part of being human - I will read on to see what responses you get and maybe throw in a couple of ideas of my own, but I wanted to just say keeping fighting, your life is not over yet, and with each hour we have the opportunity to draw closer to Christ - one thing to remember is that it is in our hands if we give up to our weaknesses, because Christ would never give up on us- he will be there until the end of our days helping us carry our own cross.

Peace

Chris


#8

=fenderstrokes]I have a big problem and I need your help. Excuse my rant, but I need to get this out.

I’ve been trying REALLY hard to be a better Christian. I’ve been praying a lot to Christ and asking for help from Mary. I get on a good roll and don’t sin for a little while (like a day or two). Then it seems like temptation becomes overwhelming at times and I stumble again. It happens over and over and over. My particular sins of choice, it seems, are like a drug addiction. I’m feeling like a guy who is getting beaten up and its really hard to get back up each time. I can’t imagine what it was like when Christ would fall on his way to his crucifixtion, but I’m starting to think it was something like me being crushed by my guilt (dont misunderstand me…I am in no way comparing myself to God).

Wow! It sounds to me if you are a lot closer to God in your struggles than you think you are!! Half the problem in becoming holier, in my opinion is admitting that you are a sinner. You have that humility and God would be pleased with you. Remember the publican and the sinner? One saying how good he was and the other beating his chest and hanging his head, saying ‘God have mercy on me, a sinner’ ?

It would be a far worse situation if you sinned and thought nothing of it!!!

Jesus told us that you are either with him or you are against him. How can I be with him if I can’t stop insulting him with my constant failures?
I get really down on myself. I try to think of the kind of people who get to spend eternity with God and I think I’m not that kind of guy. When I sin, its like I’ve spit on the Lord’s face and I don’t even want to look up at him after that. Sometimes I can hardly spend three seconds with the Lord because I’m almost too embarrassed, let alone eternity. It takes a lot to make a macho 26 year old guy like me to cry, but I seem to be able to do it. I’m really sad because I want to be with God but I know I don’t deserve even the slightest glance from him. If it were up to me, I’d be in Hell already.

God loves you and does not want you to go to hell. And I think that most people trying their hardest to get closer to God have a habitual sin that they find hard to conquer. I have been where you are now and was told by a very good priest to trust more in God and less in yourself.
God knows in your heart that you hate the sin and he will give you the grace to overcome it, as long as you do your bit and try hard to avoid the occasions of sin.

Protestants talk about a “personal relationship with the Lord,” but why the heck would he want to have a relationship with someone so far from being a saint? When I look back at how I used to live, I never felt ashamed or “beaten up” and battered. It was an ignorant time for me…and a WHOLE lot easier than fighting against my sins. This might sound stupid…but I really miss not feeling like garbage all the time.

Shame and guilt are necessary to grow in the spiritual life but they must be in proportion. God is merciful and he does give us the help to overcome sins if we do our part. The sacraments are a wonderful source of help and grace. I find that going to Adoration regularly or just sitting in front of the tabernacle is an enormous help. It is the most peaceful place on earth, to be in front of our Lord who loves us and knows our struggles.

On top of these feelings…I also feel really alone. No one I know is a religious person who I can talk to…I can’t share my struggle with my wife…because many of my sins should have ended our marriage a long time ago. I don’t have anyone to talk to…and despair is the last place I want to be.

I’m not sure if any of you have more advice for me…but please please please pray for me. I don’t want my sins to break me and I don’t want the next time I fall to be a permanant one.

Trust in God. I will pray for you, as today I was going to go to Adoration. But know that you are probably closer to God in your struggles right now than you ever have been. Don’t give up. Life is a constant battle for those who seek to do God’s Will and the devil loves us to feel despondant and hopeless.


#9

Also, Do you know the Memorare?? It is a wonderful prayer to Our Lady for immediate help. Say it often. If you don’t know it, I will write it out for you. Let me know.
God Bless you.


#10

I can definitely identify with what you are saying. During the last year I have been serious about my faith for the first time in many years. And that is so good in so many ways, and I thank God for it. But I am also so overwhelmed with guilt and shame for the sins I can’t yet overcome that I am, at times, tempted to say that I was better off before, when I could sin without caring. But I know that is nonsense. And I can’t understand, either, why God would want to know me, or love me, or forgive me. So I just have to accept that fact that he does, even though I don’t know why, and keep trying.


#11

Why would Jesus want to associate with you? Here’s why:

The tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to listen to him,** but the Pharisees and scribes began to complain, saying, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”** So to them he addressed this parable. "What man among you having a hundred sheep and losing one of them would not leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after the lost one until he finds it? And when he does find it, he sets it on his shoulders with great joy and, upon his arrival home, he calls together his friends and neighbors and says to them, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance. Luke 15:1-7 (NAB)

Hang in there. Think of your not being able to talk to your wife about these things as your temporal punishment for those sins.
And it’s predictable that you can stay “good” for a day or two and fall again, because as soon as the Devil sees you being faithful, he will attack you.

What has been working for me is, as soon as those old temptations get stronger, to pray to Saint Michael to drive the Devil back to Hell.

Another thing that helps me is Adoration. I have left there with answers to questions I didn’t even know I asked!

Also, read Psalm 51, especially verses 7-13. They make a good prayer.


#12

You men and women are a great help! I am feeling stronger everyday and I am praying a lot. I’m trying not to beat myself up…I know this is a life of struggle…and it’s early.

Thanks again.
Dan


#13

Dan,

Remember that many of the Saints were tremendous sinners.
Saint Francis and Saint Augustine come to mind. They really loved to party, drink and engage in all sorts of sexual activity,

Saint Paul was a Persecutor of Christians. He helped stone the first Christian Martyr Stephen to death,

Thomas Merton had the same problems. His autobiography “The Seven Story Mountain” tells of his troubles overcoming his addictions to eventually become a Monk.

“The Confessions of Saint Augustine” is also a book to read. It is really amazing how these saints were able to turn their lives around.

Remember that your despair over your sinfullness is a gift from God. It is your conscience weighing down on your soul. It is much better to be aware of your sinfulness, rather than being indifferent to it,


#14

Peace

Just to echo what everyone else has said, as well as yourself, Fender - I recently asked this same question. The answer I recieved, after Prayer and meditation is this:

God Loves us, beyond anything we could even begin to comprehend, He loves us. We are His children, brothers and sisters, and Spouse. Christ died in order for each and every one of us to have life, forever, with Him, as His family. No matter what we have done, or failed to do - He Loves us. Our failures only work to prove to us that He does Love us beyond anything we can imagine, because every failure we manage to achieve is already known in heaven. We go to confession not to tell God ‘I did this’ because He doesn’t know already - but to recieve graces to overcome it. If we do not immediately overcome - it is because we need the struggle to strengthen us, to learn more about ourselves, and to learn patience and perseverance. Redemptive suffering comes into play here as well, I think, but I am not knowledgeable enough to say exactly how - just that it does somehow - anyone know how that works?

Hope that this helps you fender - and know that you are not alone.

Peace

John


#15

Hi good to see someone else on this earth is humen and that is the reason why God loves us so much. He loves our humanness and sent His Son to give us the way to the Father. The greatest gift God has for us on this earth in His love is Mercy, don"t foreget it, because it is these times when we yeald that satin laughs at us and thinks he has us, and why? because He can’t understand God loviing us when we sin. But Gods love does carry on as Jesus told us 7 times77 which means for ever.
God loves you forever God will forgive each time we repent. That is our thorn( humanness) in the rose God sees us as. Ask Jesus how much He loves you, you will be surprised. Kneel in front of the tabinacel tell Jesus that even though you think you have failed, you Love Him, I do this and will forever, there is NO other love than Gods LOVE for His people. Satin tells us othwise. You are made to God’s likeness. For God is LOVE the BIBLe tells us so.
Be Strong, you are not alone


#16

[quote=fenderstrokes]You men and women are a great help! I am feeling stronger everyday and I am praying a lot. I’m trying not to beat myself up…I know this is a life of struggle…and it’s early.

Thanks again.
Dan
[/quote]

God bless! It’s good that you are not beating yourself up! Life hands us enough challenges. The Lord loves you with an infinite love and will never stop. Hopefully you will find some like-minded people to share with.


#17

Hi Fenderstrokes,

First of all, if you are not a sinner, then you won’t need Jesus to save you anymore. You will be in heaven by now with all the saints there. The Good News is this : that the Lord our God loves us first, and He loves us even when we are still sinners.

[quote=fenderstrokes]…My particular sins of choice, it seems, are like a drug addiction…
[/quote]

If it is like drug addiction, it is not fully your choice anymore. Maybe it was your choice in the initial occations, now it has become more difficult to deal with. You are under oppression.

…I get really down on myself. I try to think of the kind of people who get to spend eternity with God and I think I’m not that kind of guy…

When I sin, its like I’ve spit on the Lord’s face and I don’t even want to look up at him after that…

…why the heck would he want to have a relationship with someone so far from being a saint?

Don’t fall into “false religousity” attitude. You should not down to yourself. Instead, you must seek His face all the time.

If we sin, God will punish us. And His punishment (His curse) will cause us to sin further. This is how we end up in final hell one day. But God also provide “A WAY”. This way is Jesus. There is no other way. Those who tried to save themselves will end up in hell. But those who-- from time to time-- comeback to God in Jesus Name will finally find His Mercy. When God is merciful to you, you will stop sinning.

God hates your sin, it is His will to crush sin, not the sinner (you). And how will He do this? He will win you over from the hand of sin, He will show you His unfailing Mercy in Jesus, until you believe in Him, depend on Him.

…It was an ignorant time for me…and a WHOLE lot easier than fighting against my sins. This might sound stupid…but I really miss not feeling like garbage all the time…

It was easier not knowing our sin. But St. Paul say we will perish knowing our sin or not knowing it. It is the knowledge of God’s love that saves us.

…I can’t share my struggle with my wife…because many of my sins should have ended our marriage a long time ago…

It is also my experience to confront my sin. I confront it this way : I confess before God and men that I have sin. Sin has caused us to “hide” from God’s light. Our hidden place (away from The Light) cause us to lie and sin further.

I would frankly suggest that you tell your wife everything. Let God’s Light shines on you. The lie of the devil tells you that “your wife would have left long time ago”. But let not fear clutch you, and let’s confront it (together with Jesus and your wife).

You have a change of heart, surely God is on your side. If you keep lying about your sin, God is not with you. But if you confess that you have sin, God who is mercyful will forgive you, and so your wife will also.

Listen to songs of praises to God to help you a long the way. Read from the Gospels about how Jesus forgives sinners and want to be with them (despite their sins).

Read 1John 1:5-9

God bless you and keep you, let His countenance shine on you and brings you His peace.


#18

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