I’m 16 years old and I suffer from a scrupulous conscience. I really need some help, I feel like I am always in a state of mortal sin and therefore never really worthy to receive communion. I used to fall into the sin of masturbation a lot, but now I have learned to resist temptation when it comes my way and I have been free of that sin for quite some time now. Ever since I overcame that sin I am in constant fear that I am somehow committing it. An example would be when I’m changing clothes and I brush across a sensitive area, not meaning to of course, but have some kind of sexual/pleasurable reaction to it. I know the three requirements of mortal sin: grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent. I know that masturbation is grave matter, so that fulfills the first two requirements, but I have a hard time applying the “deliberate consent” requirement to my situation. If I know that I might get a sexual response/sensation from something I am doing (not intending to masturbate) and go ahead and do whatever I am doing and end up getting the sexual response, does this somehow qualify for “deliberate consent”?
Whenever this happens there’s something inside me that tells me that this is not a sin, but I’m not sure if that"s true or if it is just me trying to feign ignorance or a hardness of heart. I really need some help with this, I find myself back in confession almost every week for fear of committing this sin and falling into mortal sin.
I know that I might be given the advice to just talk my situation over with a confessor, but I have never really brought up my scrupulous conscience with a confessor, so I’m not sure how I would go about bringing up scrupulosity and my situation in confession. (Also, would it help in my situation if I sat face-to-face with the confessor, or is it ok to remain anonymous? I usually choose to be anonymous)
Thanks so much for reading this, I really appreciate it because I know its very long!