I think I’m having a nervous breakdown please help About four days ago the thought “What if my loved ones go to hell” came into my head and no matter what I do I cannot get it to leave my head, it’s become a sort of obsession and it’s left me all but catatonic with fear- the only times I’ve not been paralysed in fear, I’ve tried to talk to my parents about this, but it hasn’t ended well. I’m 19 years old by the way
Here’s some background- My mother was baptised an Anglican and went to a Catholic school. When the time came for her year group to receive First Communion, she received it along with them- as far as I know, this was allowed- one of her teachers, a nun, went to great lengths to obtain permission for her to do so from the local bishop (or archbishop?) and permission was granted. However, her family were still Anglican, and she was confirmed into the anglican church later on.
When she met my father, he was a lapsed catholic (His home was, I don’t know the full details, but, Religion was strictly (abusively) enforced in his household, and that had left him with a whole bunch of issues- he has five siblings and as far as I know, all of them but one have fallen away from the faith.) During the time they were first dating, my mother managed to help my father regain his spiritual side and attend church again. They were married, and my mother moved away from her home town to live with my father and when I and my sister were born, we were baptised and brought up catholic. My parents are such good people and I love them so much.
Here’s the thing, though- my mum still takes communion in our church (“The permission I had was never taken away, was it?”) despite not believing in or attending confession (I’m not sure if she can, anyway?) and it terrifies me to no end that she may have committed a mortal sin and may be committing sacrilege every week but whenever I bring this up with her it leads to terrible arguments (through tears, on my part, I love her so so so so much and I don’t want anything bad to happen to her in this life or the next). She says whether she has done things wrong is between her and God and confession wasn’t the way she was taught, and anyway, she’s given up so much for our family and her being anglican is one of the only things that connects her to her upbringing and her (deceased) parents, and she spends so much time doing things for me (complicated situation which includes me being chronically ill and housebound most of the time) that she doesn’t have time to think about these esoteric concerns. Any talk we’ve had about this has turned into an argument, and me crying for hours and hours and her getting offended and saying that maybe she shouldn’t go to church anymore if i keep saying she’s doing things wrong and I don’t want that