I’ve been having some problems with my MIL over the course of two years that I really need some advice on. I’ve been married for 3 1/2 years and my MIL is the nicest person in the world. The problem is, she is too nice. She is so nice that when we go to visit or when they come visit us, she cooks everyhting, and basically serves everyone. She is so nice that she asks what you want to drink about 3 times. Then when you have it, and are drinking it she’ll say “can I fill that back up for you!”. She’s so nice that when dinner is served she’ll offer you the potatos about 5 times during dinner.
I am trying to think of simple examples, but my point is, at least to me, that she is so nice its annoying. Can ANYONE sympathize!? I always thought I had nice manners, but whenever I visit I always feel like I’m being a bad person because I don’t say thank you all the time. Basically if I acted in “good manners” I would say thank you about 50 times a day.
My problem is how do I handle this. I have two options, to just be nice back and constantly keep saying “no thank you”, “yes please” all day long (which I find annoying). Or I can be rude (which I normally come off as) because I just say “no I’m fine”, or “I’ve already got a drink” (in my head I’m saying “leave me alone for two seconds!”).
The problem is my MIL is one of those people who is very nice but will hold a grudge if you come off not thankful, or rude. She loves me and my family. She loves my kids so much I think she’s obsessed. I mean when we come to visit basically I don’t see my kids because she always has them with her (they are 2 and 4 mos).
I can’t help out around their house because she won’t let me, so I feel useless but at the same time feel like I’m just a grub by letting her do everything.
Lastly whenever we visit for some reason I get in a sour mood and ultimately when we leave my wife and I are in a big fight.
I don’t know if I’m being selfish, rude, but the bottom line is when I am around my MIL I feel like a bad husband, and a bad father, even though I know I am not when I am home with my family alone. Does anyone have any suggestions (books, tapes) on how to be polite, have good manners, or gain better social skills in situatiuons like this, because honestly I don’t know how to act.
I know this is a complicated situation so I would feel free to elaborate on specific issues if anyone needs me too, but I’m just looking for a little advice. I want to be a better person to her, but at the same time think some of her actions are excessive even though they are well intentioned.
Thank you and God Bless