Please help!


#1

** I guess this falls under Ethical dilemna.**


** We have a control freak/ wannabe priest/ bully in our parish. SHE terrorizes anyone who dares to contradict her or gets within 10 feet of the priest. If anyone talked to the priest about it, they were being judgemental. Some gave up & left the parish. I joined 3 1/2 years ago & in 2 months, had the situation pegged. I waited & prayed for 6 months, then I spoke to the priest. I was told my judgement was faulty & was overreacting.
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** She calls people aside, pits one against the other, creating division. Usually, she’s careful about not getting caught, but she slipped & made an old lady cry with 3 witnesses. She openly denies the dogma of the Immaculate Conception, has no devotion to Our Lady, denies Papal authority, badmouths the Holy Father & doesn’t teach in accord with the Magisterium & Catechism, instead choosing new age, artsy garbage from the internet. BTW, she teaches Whole Church Faith Formation. Scary.**


** At the priests’ suggestion I spoke to the bully, who, incidentally, is a lay minister & controls EVERY aspect of the parish. When I confronted her on her behavior she flipped out, began screaming & forbade me to ever speak to her or go anywhere near her (she dragged me into a private room), thereby effectively silencing the one person with the courage (& audacity) to stand up to her.**


** Two years ago I told the priest I would not mention it again. Shortly after, I started taking blood pressure pills, but I remained true to my word. Until now. She’s begun sabbotaging any efforts to start new programs, study groups, etc. People are dropping out of parish activities & not getting involved. She’s on her 3rd, 2 year term as pastoral council president in spite of the fact the bylaws state a 2 term limit. Her unnatural attachment to the priest has made him a laughing stock & quite frankly, the Church doesn’t need another stain. If I go to the Bishop it will only hurt an otherwise good priest, she will come out smelling like a rose, & chances are, nothing will be done. To the casual observer & the Sunday Catholics, our parish ‘appears’ to be just fine. Only the dailies, the ones who won’t give up, know what really goes on.**


** I hoped for a peaceable solution but don’t think it possible. We’re dealing with a 60 y.o. woman who acts like a spoiled child, yelling, swearing & banging her fists if she doesn’t get her way. Many people, including 1/2 the parish council & 2/3rds of the KC’s will support me, but no one is willing to take the first step. Our priest is a gentle soul, but is being bullied like the rest of us. We don’t fault him & wish not to hurt him in the process. He has 5 years left of his 2nd, 6 year assignment, & we will be subject to 5 more years of hell.**


** I swore I wouldn’t leave, as many have, but stand firm as that is the only way to evoke change.**** I’m on disability and getting sicker & weaker from the stress. **My once firm resolve to stand up for the voiceless, is failing. I love the Church with every fiber of my being & will defend her fiercely, to the death, if necessary. It’s like a knife in my heart to see what’s happening. Thank you for any advice you can give me.

A.M.D.G.
+Deb

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#2

Wow. Is there another priest that you can talk to somewhere? In another parish? If not, I strongly suggest that you and others make an appointment and talk to the bishop. It’s not right, nor fair, esp. if she’s unorthodox.


#3

Pray, pray, pray. Do whatever you feel is right. This is going to take courage and strength. I know this doesn’t help much but the devil seems to be strong here. Your faith is being tested. Hold on to it and trust in God. One of the options you’ve htought of must be used. God will answer your prayer as to which one. The outcome is always in God’s hands.

I will be praying with intense pangs.

If you don’t feel brave enough for any action then don’t be afraid to leave. You have not been chosen to live in hell.


#4

That is terrible:eek: I don’t even know where to start or where to finish.I hope one of our priest posters sees the thread.Keep us updated.God Bless


#5

Deb,
I am just wondering—why did you post in such a “screaming” font? The original internet forums would ban people who posted in such a rude manner.

Perhaps the other lady is not the only one who is out of line?


#6

why are you still in this parish if it is such an uncongenial place?


#7

Thanks for responding. I have spoken to other priests, but the evil one is very busy in our area. A couple priests have left the priesthood for unknown reasons, a couple more were removed from pastoral duties for sexual allegations, almost half the priests in our diocese are from India and four of them have had their visas revoked in the last year, senior priests don’t want to get involved, several have died from old age, and a 31 year old priest committed suicide just before Christmas. A year ago I went to confession two hundred miles away. I confessed resentment, didn’t mention name or gender or what parish I was from, and the priests’ response was, “She’s STILL there?!?!” And he’d been gone from here for over 12 years. I’ve been trying to get an appointment with our priest for a month and a half, to address the issue again and to try to work it out internally, first. I finally got a response from him today and hope to speak to him this week. Unorthodox is an understatement. She’s all for married priests, women priests and against the very things that make us Catholic!

[quote=JKirkLVNV]Wow. Is there another priest that you can talk to somewhere? It’s not right, nor fair, esp. if she’s unorthodox.
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#8

[quote=Mysty101]Deb,
I am just wondering—why did you post in such a “screaming” font? The original internet forums would ban people who posted in such a rude manner.

Perhaps the other lady is not the only one who is out of line?
[/quote]

Mysty101, just wondering I have heard the large letters are screaming before I thought they were there to emphasis:confused: God Bless


#9

Thanks for responding. I have talked to other priests but the evil one is very busy here. A couple priests have left the priesthood for unknown reasons, a couple were removed for sexual allegations, almost half the priests in our diocese are from India and four of them have had their visas revoked in the last year. Senior priests don’t want to get involved, several older priests have died and a 31 year old priest committed suicide just before Christmas. The situation is pretty bleak and that apathy doesn’t exactly foster vocations. Last year I went to confession 200 miles away. I confessed resentment and frustration. I didn’t mention name or gender, or what parish I was from. The priests’ response was, “She’s STILL there!?!?!” And he’d been gone from here for over 12 years. I’ve been trying for over a month and a half to get an appointment to speak with our priest to try one more time to resolve the issue internally before going to the Bishop. I finally got a response from him today and hope to talk with him this week. Unorthodox is an understatement. She is very vocal about married priests, women priests, sending JPII to the glue factory, and is against the very things that make us Catholic!

[quote=JKirkLVNV]Wow. Is there another priest that you can talk to somewhere? It’s not right, nor fair, esp. if she’s unorthodox.
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#10

I pray 'til my ears bleed and have offered up countless Masses and communions for her. I thought many times of leaving, for the sake of my own spiritual wellbeing, but after praying about it long and hard, and with numerous confirmations from prayer group members, I feel I was sent to this parish for a reason. If I leave, the evil one claims another victim.

[quote=goofyjim]Pray, pray, pray. the devil seems to be strong here. Your faith is being tested. If you don’t feel brave enough for any action then don’t be afraid to leave. You have not been chosen to live in hell.
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#11

I hope so, too. Thanks.

[quote=Lisa4Catholics]I hope one of our priest posters sees the thread. God Bless
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#12

[quote=Just Deb]Thanks for responding. I have talked to other priests but the evil one is very busy here. A couple priests have left the priesthood for unknown reasons, a couple were removed for sexual allegations, almost half the priests in our diocese are from India and four of them have had their visas revoked in the last year. Senior priests don’t want to get involved, several older priests have died and a 31 year old priest committed suicide just before Christmas. The situation is pretty bleak and that apathy doesn’t exactly foster vocations. Last year I went to confession 200 miles away. I confessed resentment and frustration. I didn’t mention name or gender, or what parish I was from. The priests’ response was, “She’s STILL there!?!?!” And he’d been gone from here for over 12 years. I’ve been trying for over a month and a half to get an appointment to speak with our priest to try one more time to resolve the issue internally before going to the Bishop. I finally got a response from him today and hope to talk with him this week. Unorthodox is an understatement. She is very vocal about married priests, women priests, sending JPII to the glue factory, and is against the very things that make us Catholic!
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This seems so over the top. Priests dying, one committing suicide, others leaving under suspicious circumstances and sexual accusations? Are you exaggerating at all? **It sounds like a bad Dan Brown novel! **–I can’t imagine a priest 200 miles away, no names, and he recognizes the situation and in the confessional adds to the gossip? I guess I’m just spoiled by our super parish priest.

If she’s so obviously nuts how does she hold sway? Where does she get her “power” (other than from the evil one;) ). And how do you know you would have support–has there been a lot of gossiping?


#13

[quote=Just Deb]Thanks for responding. I have spoken to other priests, but the evil one is very busy in our area. A couple priests have left the priesthood for unknown reasons, a couple more were removed from pastoral duties for sexual allegations, almost half the priests in our diocese are from India and four of them have had their visas revoked in the last year, senior priests don’t want to get involved, several have died from old age, and a 31 year old priest committed suicide just before Christmas. A year ago I went to confession two hundred miles away. I confessed resentment, didn’t mention name or gender or what parish I was from, and the priests’ response was, “She’s STILL there?!?!” And he’d been gone from here for over 12 years. I’ve been trying to get an appointment with our priest for a month and a half, to address the issue again and to try to work it out internally, first. I finally got a response from him today and hope to speak to him this week. Unorthodox is an understatement. She’s all for married priests, women priests and against the very things that make us Catholic!
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This is indeed a very disturbing situation. This is an option, but ask others if they think of it as a good way to handle it. If this individual is truly tormenting the church as you have mentioned, I would get together with other parish members who are equally disturbed over her behavior and approach her peacably and ask her to please stop her bad mouthing the church. If she is that discuraged with the church (which is to be a place of prayer to the Holy Spirit not of trouble) maybe she should look for another parish because she is no longer welcome at yours (as a group) Jesus said when more then one prays for help their prayer will surely be heard. Look at it this way, The Holy Spirit would not allow Satan to enter Heaven with his evil ways, neither should we let one to enter a sacred house of God to do likewise. Let her know that you will continue to pray for her for whatever it is that makes her act in such a way. I will pray for her getting better as well. God Bless and Peace


#14

I find the situation you describe as fairly incredible–in the sense that one woman has so totally intimidated so many people including it would seem the priest.

However, in the event that this is sincere and not hyperbole, I would suggest the following: carefully select and contact a group of individuals (say 6) who enjoy the respect of the parish and have the abilty to act in a leadership capacity. Being careful to avoid personal attacks and/or gossip, discuss this situation in a private forum to determine an approach to confronting this individual. Identify specific concerns and be prepared to offer examples of situations where her conduct has caused concern/conflict among the members of the parish. You must also prepare a plan for the future which spreads the responsibilites in the parish out among other members. Then, with the parish priest and any other relevant parish authority, schedule a meeting which includes woman, present to her the issues of concern as well as the group-authored proposal to “divest” her of some of the authority she has taken upon herself. This will be an uncomfortable process, but if she is as belligerant as you suggest, a group encounter is your only hope of turning this ship around.


#15

[quote=Mysty101]Deb,
I am just wondering—why did you post in such a “screaming” font? The original internet forums would ban people who posted in such a rude manner.

Perhaps the other lady is not the only one who is out of line?
[/quote]

Do you realize that not all of us see these tiny fonts as well as you do?


#16

I came here seeking support not more attacks. I copied the text from an e-mail I sent to Fr. Trigilio. I have it set as my default because I think the font is pretty, the purple is for Lent, and I chose a larger font (which, incidentally, was no larger than Lisa’s) because a lot of my e-mail friends are elderly and have poor vision. If you would have taken the time, you would have seen that it was my very first post and cut me some slack. Perhaps you might practice tolerance and not be so quick to judge?

[quote=Mysty101]why did you post in such a “screaming” font? The original internet forums would ban people who posted in such a rude manner. Perhaps the other lady is not the only one who is out of line?
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#17

[quote=Mysty101]Deb,
I am just wondering—why did you post in such a “screaming” font? The original internet forums would ban people who posted in such a rude manner.

Perhaps the other lady is not the only one who is out of line?
[/quote]

This response is unreasonable, uncharitable, and frankly, uninformed. The so-called “screaming” font to which you refer is when people type in ALL CAPS, which is considered to be equivalent to shouting. Just Deb wasn’t doing that, obviously. Actually, I liked her large type. It was easy to read! :smiley:

The suggestion that she also might be “out of line,” as you say, is just boggling. :confused:


#18

It’s not the parish that is uncongenial. It is fragmented because of one self-serving, mean-spirited person, who is apparently unhappy with being born a woman. I stay because “the old ones” asked me not to go. They see hope in me. One lady, in her 80’s never spoke up in her life, but after I went to bat for her, (she was the aforementioned victim of an unwarranted attack), she went to the priest and spoke up for herself! Not only that, she joined the faith formation board to give voice to the needs of the older crowd!

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#19

Just Deb,

I think the evil one took a break this morning to visit my parish. I said my first Rosary today-- 150 decades – in the church after mass, and when I got home I had the most horrendous headache, along with other weird physical problems. (That almost never happens to me.) I spent most of the day in bed (I feel better now). Co-inky-dink? :hmmm:

If I were in your parish, I’d stand up to the plate with you. This priest you speak of… is he the pastor? Pastors are supposed to exercise leadership. Come to think of it, so are KCs.

I think Island Oak gives good advice. I think that you (and the others) have an obligation to take action. I will pray for you in my next Rosary – evil one or no! :thumbsup:


#20

And now accusations? I don’t know what I expected when I came here, but not this. Here is the addy of our diocesan newspaper. upcatholic.org/ Check the archives, then ask if I’m exaggerating. Regarding the priest, 200 miles away, at the other end of our diocese: If you knew this person you would not be at all surprised. He was not adding to gossip. It was a gut reaction to the what she did to him 12 years ago. And the priest after him, and now our current pastor. How does she hold sway? She does the work of ten people, she is very efficient and organized, but her motives are self-serving. She does nothing out of love, but out of priestitis. She seeks attention, good, bad or otherwise. And because she seeks it, she will never be satisfied. She HAS to do everything because no one else, including the pastor (in her eyes) is qualified. As soon as you show signs of having an opinion of your own, she moves on to the next group of people to whom she previously would not give the time of day. When they get wise to her, she moves on to the next group. She’s running out of options as we are a small parish of 800 families. Admittedly, there is a fine line between gossiping and trying to find a remedy for bad situation. But save your judgements, only God knows our hearts and He will judge us based on our motive. BTW, how do you know so much about Dan Brown?

[quote=st_felicity]This seems so over the top. Priests dying, one committing suicide, others leaving under suspicious circumstances and sexual accusations? Are you exaggerating at all? **It sounds like a bad Dan Brown novel! **–I can’t imagine a priest 200 miles away, no names, and he recognizes the situation and in the confessional adds to the gossip? I guess I’m just spoiled by our super parish priest.

If she’s so obviously nuts how does she hold sway? Where does she get her “power” (other than from the evil one;) ). And how do you know you would have support–has there been a lot of gossiping?
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