I always feel unworthy to ask for other people’s prayers, so this is a bit difficult, especially since I am about to bare my soul. Please pray that our Lord, our Holy Mother, and God will help me.
I have had a very rough four years. I have always had the neurological condition Asperger syndrome, which is a form of Autism. For most of my life I have still been able to do well until about four years ago, when several things started to happen.
I am 52 and have never been married due to the Aspergers I guess. Relationships with women just do not work out, or only go so far. It doesn’t help that my radar is a bit screwed up. Anyway, I am too old to have kids now. I really hate that. I would have loved to have been a dad. I guess that is why I work with autistic and troubled kids now. I used to be an IT supervisor at a fortune 100 company, and I won awards and all kinds of things. Then we were bought out by a pair of billionaire brothers. I got laid off.
The next thing you know, I became a caretaker for an alcoholic and that along with the job loss destroyed me financially and began to contribute to health problems. I started having TIAs [mini-strokes] I took college calculous, now I can’t do algebra. I used to type like a secretary on steroids with little error. Now like a turtle with errors out the yingyang. The TIAs have taken their toll. I no longer can do jobs I once did, and even this one is difficult. I had my first TIA during graduate school and had to drop out. This was an expensive school, my debt to the DOE is around 60K… and they are closing in at long last.
I am now 120 days behind on my mortgage. My food comes from the Church, though I recently applied for food stamps. I don’t qualify for SSI because my disability is in a gap that it is not bad enough to keep me from employment, but it is bad enough to go back to a high paying job. I still help others, as I have all my life. * Now instead of treasure, I give talent. [soup kitchens and so on.]
I am so afraid of loosing my house and my dogs. My dogs are my kids. I don’t bother to date anymore, so I am lonely. My parents are in their early 80s and have issues of their own. The ONLY thing that has saved me was my conversion to Catholicism. Chastity and sins of the flesh are not a problem, thanks to my meds I wish I had a family [here I go crying again] I feel the grip of fear and loneliness.
I just want to be happy and to be able to pay my bills. I just want love in my life. I want my neurological deterioration to stop. I want the TIAs to stop. I love God, our Lord, and our Holy Mother very much. I pray like mad. I keep Holy water with me at all times. I pray the Rosary, even now, I give to the church, though it is not much.
Please please send my and our Father and Mother and Son your prayers for me. I don’t ask for that very often. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, and those of you with kids… even if they are a handful… count your blessings.
In Christ, peace on Earth,