Please pray for me


#1

I’ve been a lurker in this forum for a couple years now.

Please pray for me. I’ve just gone through a very painful breakup with my boyfriend of a year and a half. We were perfect in many ways, and the only thing we ever argued about was when/how much we see each other.

Please pray for me. I am physically hurting. This came to me as an absolute surprise. I had no idea he had been feeling “trapped.” My heart can’t stop pounding, I don’t imagine it’s good for me. I feel like throwing up. I keep crying all day and all night, even during work. I feel physically ill. I can’t eat even, it makes me too sick to think about it.

He was my best friend, and my confidant. I don’t know what went wrong.

Please pray for me. My faith is shaken, I don’t see why God would allow this to happen so cruelly.


#2

I hear your pain through your words very clearly. I’ll pray for you.

As someone who went through three years of hell after a break up in the 90’s, I know what you’re going through. And I promise–there IS healing on the other side.


#3

And by “the other side” I mean “the other side” of the pain. I realized after I wrote that that it could be interpreted very darkly.


#4

Thank you.

It’s just so hard. I was friends with him for about 3 years before we even started going out. We were close friends before we started going out. We had discussed marriage, and children. It was so all going so well… I just don’t understand.


#5

I hear that–especially the part about being friends. The short version of my story is that I totally took her for granted, treated her badly, and basically pushed her away. I did the actual breaking up, but I realized my mistake once she moved in with a new guy (we weren’t living together) within a month. She was just hurting, very badly, and made a stupid mistake. But the biggest pain was realizing what a great friend I’d lost. THAT was the overriding pain for the next three years. I still miss my friend–I’ve met very few people like her.

One day I woke up and realized the first thing I thought of was cereal, not her. (I then proceeded to cry over my cereal, of course). But that was the first of more, and more frequent mornings where the first thing I thought of was something other than her. Eventually that world-consuming pain was like a distant echo over the hills, and then it was gone altogether.

I’m a big believer in time healing all wounds. It does, although we’ll always have the scars. So just be patient. You may even believe intellectually that one day the pain will fade away, but you can’t rush it or find a shortcut. Believe me, I tried a lot of shortcuts and I just ended up prolonging the pain. (Whoever said that nothing heals the last one like the next one is an idiot and should be dragged out into the street, shot, then hanged, then shot again, and then hung up by his toes. And then shot.)

Just pray, even if that means getting down on your knees and saying nothing.


#6

That very faith that is so shaken is something you should grasp onto with both hands to help you through this.

I have experienced the same thing in my life, and went back into the church wholeheartedly after the breakup - God had other plans for me - soon after, I met the man who became my husband.

I think God allows things like this to happen because He knows what is best for us when we do not recognize it. The relationship I was in at the time was wrong and it would have been a mistake for us to be together, but I did not see that until long afterwards.

God bless you - I will pray for you.


#7

Thank you for your prayers.

I just really don’t know what to do. I feel so lost…


#8

When I broke up with my X, I was so devastated. Just like you, I cried all day and all night. I never thought that you can physically feel your heart breaking. I went through a lot. One night I got on my knees, and asked God to help me, and I said a rosary with my whole broken heart.

Today, I realize that I was trying to hold on to something that God was trying to tear apart for my best interests.

I will pray for you.

May you find comfort in Jesus, who will never abandon you, who will always love unconditionally, who will always sit and listen to you when your days are uneasy.


#9

Please give yourself time to grieve.

Sometimes there is not a lot to ‘do’, other than avail yourself of the Sacraments. Go to confession, go to Mass and receive the Eucharist as often as you are able (and every Sunday, of course).

Expect that you are going to hurt - that is normal and it would be strange if you didn’t feel the way you do right now.

When my husband died, and I lost our child, I thought I would never EVER feel like a complete person again.

I do - I still miss him and love them both, but I am no longer devastated.

And sometimes we just have to endure - look to the Crucifix for inspiration. I was just reminded to do that by reading one of Father Serpa’s replies…I always need to be reminded of the hurt HE endured for me, and take comfort that every pain I feel, every hurt I suffer and every loss I experience is a way for me to share in His Passion.

Hang in there, honey bunch.


#10

my dear… this too will pass…

i understand the whole physical pain of your heart being broken… i felt it too… but one thing that did help me apart from the crying… which is very therapeutic, please do not try to stop it if you feel like crying… going for adoration and also throwing myself into helping others through the church… the healing that comes from that process is great… i realised that the biggest loss was the feeling of caring for someone else… so this helped!!

Jesus will heal… give HIM the chance…


#11

Thank you for the support, everyone…

It helps to know someone read what I wrote, thought about me for a few moments in their day, and typed something out. It means so much to me.

He was my best friend, and really, my only friend. I don’t make friends very easily, and at the moment, he had been my only friend. I don’t have anyone else to talk to, so I appreciate you guys taking some time out of your day for me. Bless you all.


#12

I know the pain, Lostinthedark.

The break-up happened nearly 1.5 years ago, after nearly 1.5 years of a relationship, preceded by, say, 2.5 years of friendship. She was one of my best friends, regardless of the fact we had only talked online until the relationship started.

Now you could say I probably misinterpreted things, allowed myself to gloss over the lack of sufficient data… perhaps. Maybe not really. We seemed so perfect for each other. It took a long time helping each other out with romantic troubles until we actually turned eyes to each other. Well, since it’s over and she’s in love with someone else now, from what I guess, it wouldn’t be right to rebuild those images in my head right now - so forgive me please if I end it here. Suffice to say the break-up was heart-breaking, damaging (if perhaps healing in the long run?), a very trying experience, considering also that the break-up happened for reasons mostly pertaining to religious and associated differences, at least officially. Other factors were indeed involved and perhaps, in retrospect, they mattered more than I had thought. At any rate, the relationship is no more, I have no current desire to talk to her - last exchange of messages was in March, on her birthday, none on my own birthday in April; before then a short MSN conversation in autumn, regardless of having e-mail, phone number, being on contact lists, frequenting one message board together - so I guess I can say this. I still, however, sometimes think of her. It’s a pity it didn’t work out, though I’m more at peace with the fact now. The kind of girl that was coming out of her when she was with me lost with the kind of girl that didn’t want the first one to come out. Or whichever way round it was. Guess you’ll never tell. Suffice to say after the relationship I went through a phase of something close to feelings maturing even though in fact they should have been ending - it looked as if they were growing instead. Right now I’m single, feeling more and more strongly that I do need a wife, while being somewhat drastically disinterested in having a girlfriend. A bit hard to explain.

On many levels, I feel stronger without it, after it, past it. Being able to live without that friend of mine is a new thing - in fact it can be refreshing from a certain point of view. Well, I’m moving on. :wink:

Don’t know how it’ll be with you. But what I can tell you is don’t allow yourself to be unproductively focused on negative feelings. No vicarious pleasures, either. You need to carry on with your life. School (or some other education, whatever you can find), maybe work, maybe some charity work. Something to take your time, tire you, give you some responsibilities to mind. Above all don’t let yourself succumb to despair. Don’t lag behind on prayer and religious development. Spend some time with friends. :wink:


#13

Oh, dear Lostinthedark - I could have written your same post a couple of years ago. I met a guy and I could have SWORN we were totally perfect for each other. I was nuts for him - totally smitten. We dated for a while - I could tell him everything and it was so right. We talked about marriage, kids, naming the kids, and so forth.

Then one night he broke up with me. It was like someone had smashed me in the face with a frying pan. It hurt so bad, I couldn’t comprehend it. I had just become Catholic and was horrified about what was going on. Mad at God? You betcha. I ended up making a retreat to a Benedictine monastery which was what I totally needed - I could be by myself to cry and hash it out with God, but also had monks and priests around to help me through it and just talk to. I still have associations with that Monastery - they’re quite dear to my heart.

I wish I had the miracle fix-it advice (I know I was looking for it when my breakup hit) but I don’t have any. Keep plugging away though. I was in school and still managed good grades that semester. I kept teaching little kids Religious Education each week. I distanced myself from the guy and threw myself into the Catholic group on campus. That’s where I met my now husband. At the time I couldn’t even comprehend moving on - and that’s okay. Just take it one day at a time. Make a retreat if you can, and don’t be afraid to hash it out with God. Cry to Jesus in the Eucharist. Talk to someone - anyone - a priest, a friend, counselor, etc.

Many hugs and prayers, dear.


#14

Thank you so much, everyone… It really means so much to me. I cry reading your posts, knowing people are thinking of me a little, even though I’m a total stranger. Thank you, and God bless you.


#15

Well, maybe it is time for you to start learning how to make friends. Maybe, just maybe, God recognized that your dependence was too much on this person rather than on HIM…I made that mistake myself about 8 years ago and man, oh man did I make a poor choice. I didn’t realize it, however, until he had dumped me - my ego was just SHREDDED to pieces, let me tell YOU - and then, later, I discovered that God had done for me what I was not in the least bit capable of doing for myself; i.e. walking away from a potential marital disaster.

You will heal, honey…it is going to take time but it will happen. Meanwhile, please keep me in your prayers - I have a struggle going on at work and am seriously considering whether or not I should just become a hermit.

A hermit in Modesto…hmmm…has an interesting ring to it, eh?


#16

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