I know the pain, Lostinthedark.
The break-up happened nearly 1.5 years ago, after nearly 1.5 years of a relationship, preceded by, say, 2.5 years of friendship. She was one of my best friends, regardless of the fact we had only talked online until the relationship started.
Now you could say I probably misinterpreted things, allowed myself to gloss over the lack of sufficient data… perhaps. Maybe not really. We seemed so perfect for each other. It took a long time helping each other out with romantic troubles until we actually turned eyes to each other. Well, since it’s over and she’s in love with someone else now, from what I guess, it wouldn’t be right to rebuild those images in my head right now - so forgive me please if I end it here. Suffice to say the break-up was heart-breaking, damaging (if perhaps healing in the long run?), a very trying experience, considering also that the break-up happened for reasons mostly pertaining to religious and associated differences, at least officially. Other factors were indeed involved and perhaps, in retrospect, they mattered more than I had thought. At any rate, the relationship is no more, I have no current desire to talk to her - last exchange of messages was in March, on her birthday, none on my own birthday in April; before then a short MSN conversation in autumn, regardless of having e-mail, phone number, being on contact lists, frequenting one message board together - so I guess I can say this. I still, however, sometimes think of her. It’s a pity it didn’t work out, though I’m more at peace with the fact now. The kind of girl that was coming out of her when she was with me lost with the kind of girl that didn’t want the first one to come out. Or whichever way round it was. Guess you’ll never tell. Suffice to say after the relationship I went through a phase of something close to feelings maturing even though in fact they should have been ending - it looked as if they were growing instead. Right now I’m single, feeling more and more strongly that I do need a wife, while being somewhat drastically disinterested in having a girlfriend. A bit hard to explain.
On many levels, I feel stronger without it, after it, past it. Being able to live without that friend of mine is a new thing - in fact it can be refreshing from a certain point of view. Well, I’m moving on.
Don’t know how it’ll be with you. But what I can tell you is don’t allow yourself to be unproductively focused on negative feelings. No vicarious pleasures, either. You need to carry on with your life. School (or some other education, whatever you can find), maybe work, maybe some charity work. Something to take your time, tire you, give you some responsibilities to mind. Above all don’t let yourself succumb to despair. Don’t lag behind on prayer and religious development. Spend some time with friends.