I have been married for 16 years to a wonderful woman and have 5 beautiful children. Since day 1 we have practiced NFP and it has always been rather of a struggle for me. I have also been into self-gratification sexually or m since I was a student and it is the biggest scourge on my life. I have been praying for years to be freed from it, have tried novenas, rosary, counseling but all to no avail. I am tired of going to Confession and repeating this sin over and over again.
As I sat listening to the Good Friday sermon, the priest mentioned that when Jesus said, …“it is accomplished”… he meant that the debt of humanity’s sin has now been paid. You are free. My heart ached as I feel that all the years of prayer, wanting to be rid of the guilt and intense shame has fallen on deaf ears. Yet, I believe no prayer goes unanswered so where does that leave me? I am also praying that my sons not fall prey to this terrible habit.
My wife’s body took a real hammering with our last pregnancy and she is undergoing physio now. We are immigrants and so it is rather hard raising 5 kids when there are no family around to support. It is taking it’s toll on her as she so desperately need a break. We have friends who help out but one can only ask so much of them. Consequently the emotional and physical strain has taken its toll on her libido. Love-making is at most once or twice a month often less.
We have spoken about it and she says that she needs to feel emotionally connected to me to be in the mood for love-making but she admitted that being constantly exhausted is also not helpful. I try and be there for her as much as I can but I know it is not enough. I myself am absolutely exhausted as well after work and seeing to the kids and all their activities and do not last long at night as I wake at 5am every morning to go to work.
Please pray for me. I so much wish for a miracle this Easter as I am so tired of living with this guilt and shame. It is my greatest desire in life to be totally free in Jesus.
Thanks for your prayers.