Hi. I am new to this web site. I have some things I need to talk about and I thought this would be the best place to do so. I came back to the Catholic Church 8 years ago. I’ve been married for 28 years by civil law and want to get married in the church, but my husband does not want to get married in the church. I talked to my parish priest and he explained to me that the church cannot allow me to get married in the church because of the fact that my husband himself does not want to. Father told me that the church cannot marry someone against their will and that the church respects his decision. I have talked to my husband about getting married in the church more than once and he said no. My husband has said that he does not believe in the church and doesn’t like anything about it. I’m very sad and feel rejected. I can accept that this is all my fault, but I was hoping really hard to be able to get married anyway. But I understand that mother church has her rules. Father reminded me that I cannot receive any of the sacraments. I told him that I know I cannot receive communion, but that I have come to confession. He told me I could not do that, but then he said that I could go to confession and receive a blessing by crossing my arms like the children whom have not been through their first communion. I know this is a long post and I apologize. But I sincerely ask that you pray for me. I need a lot of help.
I am sorry you are going through this and am happy to pray for you.
Your priest is right, he cannot force or even coerce your husband into getting married in the church, your husband has to accept it willingly.
As far as confession, when you go to confession you have to have the intention of not continuing to sin in order for the confession to be valid. If you are in a situation where that is not possible (ex: your husband was married previously and did not receive an annulment therefore you are committing adultery and will continue to do so) then the priest is right.
I am sure this is heartbreaking for you. Jesus loves you very much, He wants to be close to you and your husband. Do all you can to focus on what you DO have rather than what you DON’T have. Do all you can to build your marriage! Your husband probably knows you are disappointed, don’t let that fester. Compliment your husband on what a good man he is, focus on his good qualities. Tell him that even though he doesn’t go to church that you love him for all the good things he does. Build your marriage and try and grow close, that may help warm your husband’s heart. God bless you.
My family member’s husband didn’'t want to marry/validate the marriage in the Church so the priest organized a radical sanation. It doesn’t require a spouse’s agreement.
I’ll do some research
PETITION FOR RADICAL SANATION (SANATIO IN RADICE)
An extract from the last link:
I am a Catholic who was married outside the Church without a dispensation, so my marriage is invalid before God–a fact I very much want to correct. My non-Catholic spouse is unwilling to be married in the Catholic Church. Is there anything I can do?
Assuming that there is nothing like a previous, putative marriage that needs to be taken care of first (through a decree of nullity), and assuming that you both still have valid matrimonial consent, your marriage can be rendered valid using a canon law procedure known as radical sanation.
This term comes from the Latin phrase sanatio in radice, meaning “healing in the root.” According to the Code of Canon Law, “The radical sanation of an invalid marriage is its convalidation without the renewal of consent” (CIC 1161:1). This means you do not have to go through a new marriage ceremony.
For a radical sanation to take place, several conditions must apply. First and most basically, “A radical sanation is not to be granted unless it is probable that the parties intend to persevere in conjugal life” (CIC 1161:3). If there is evidence the one or both of the parties intends anything less than a permanent marriage, radical sanation is ruled out."
"If your spouse would have an extremely bad reaction to the sanation procedure, then, for the sake of domestic peace, he would not need to be told about it: “A sanation can be granted validly even when one or both of the parties are unaware of it, but it is not to be granted except for serious reason” (CIC 1164). The extreme reaction of your spouse could count as the serious reason needed for this.
Normally your local bishop would be the one granting the sanation: “In individual cases radical sanation can be granted by the diocesan bishop, even if several reasons for nullity exist in the same marriage, provided the conditions mentioned in canon 1125 concerning the sanation of a mixed marriage are fulfilled” (CIC 1165:2).**
Your priest may perhaps never have handled a sanation before. If there is and doubt on his part you may perhaps contact your bishop.
There is a way you should be able to have your marriage validated. Have hope. It can take time, how long I don’t know, but if you get a sanation, it has the power to make your marriage valid from the beginning. Strange but true!
God grant your prayers.
Thank you for your prayers and the information. I will call the diocese and speak to the tribunal about what I read in the links. This definitely gives me hope.
It is a reality that a family member, devastated about not being able to receive the Sacraments after returning to the Church, with husband unwilling to cooperate, did in fact obtain a radical sanation. In her case it took a few months before it came into being and she signed the final papers that made her marriage valid.
God grant that all will go well for you, and I will rejoice with you when the day comes that you can receive the Sacraments again. God bless you and your family.
Trust absolutely in the love of God, who knows both your heart and that of your husband.
Do you not feel that if you push too hard to persuade your husband to accede to your wishes in this matter there is a risk that you could further alienate him from any aspect of Catholicism.
Would it perhaps be better to relax the pressure for a while, demonstrating your love, respect and acceptance - thus through gentleness helping him to understand why you feel as you do.
God bless you both and safeguard your love.
“And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the unbelieving wife…” 1 Cor 13-14
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength & fortitude in your time of need. Praying for the intentions of you & your family.
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.
Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Thank you everyone for all of your prayers that my husband will change his mind.
Adding my prayers as well.