My parents have been married for 65+ years. Since June Mom has been institutionalized in Houston with a complete mental breakdown (not a nervous breakdown), probably due in large part to some small infarcts. Dad has had to come and live with us in Cullman AL because my brother and his wife could no handle taking care of both of them. Now my brother thinks that they’ve done their share and Mom should be brought here and institutionalized here, and they way they talk about it sounds like warehousing to me. Mom says that “nobody wants her” because she’s called everybody she knows and asked to come live w/ them and they have said no. She’s unhappy wherever she is. She is a difficult person, a toxic person to say the least.
Now I have the bulk of my 90-year-old father’s care on my shoulders. He is able to do a lot, but his safety and infection-control are key issues.I am having to learn about things I’d never encountered before, like social security and Medicare and veterans benefits andhospice, and on and on. He has a good life here and it is a blessing to care for him.
I have a number of disabilities, all of which my bro downplays, says I should suck it in ( my bro’s term) like everyone else. Well I don’t know who these everyone else happen to be, but When I have an asthma attack and can’t breathe everything stops. Just how am I supposed to suck it up with that? And I have diabetes that is very difficult to manage. For 2 days in a row my sugar has gone so low I was heading for a coma. Again, how do I suck that up. I won’t go into my other disabilities but they also impact my life to a great extent, and there are many days I am almoast nonfunctional, and still I have to care for Dad. We live out in the country so are isolated. But I don’t see how we could possibly take on the extra burden of my mother. Half the time I can’t evven take care of myself. My husband has put his foot down and said no to it. My bro and Wife tell us we are essentailly causing my folks to be divorced. This is such a mess, thank God for His mercy and grace.
But am I wrong in declining to care for Mom too? I feel guilty. And just to let you see the whole picture, I am also bipolar 2, hypomanic, ADHD, OCD, and PTSD, with several sleep disorders, migraines, fibromyalgia, GERD, and cognitive deficits due to brain damaged from medication. I have had to give up all my volunteer work and now do some work at home for charitable causes, like knitting/crocheting caps for newborns and knitting/crocheting afghans for our wounded veterans. I have come that close to being committed against my will to our local psych ward. What am I supposed to do. I’m trying not to feel guilty. We all need prayer desperately.
And Dad is a great guy, and we try to give him a good quality of life. Prayer please.