Please pray for my parents and us


#1

My parents have been married for 65+ years. Since June Mom has been institutionalized in Houston with a complete mental breakdown (not a nervous breakdown), probably due in large part to some small infarcts. Dad has had to come and live with us in Cullman AL because my brother and his wife could no handle taking care of both of them. Now my brother thinks that they’ve done their share and Mom should be brought here and institutionalized here, and they way they talk about it sounds like warehousing to me. Mom says that “nobody wants her” because she’s called everybody she knows and asked to come live w/ them and they have said no. She’s unhappy wherever she is. She is a difficult person, a toxic person to say the least.

Now I have the bulk of my 90-year-old father’s care on my shoulders. He is able to do a lot, but his safety and infection-control are key issues.I am having to learn about things I’d never encountered before, like social security and Medicare and veterans benefits andhospice, and on and on. He has a good life here and it is a blessing to care for him.

I have a number of disabilities, all of which my bro downplays, says I should suck it in ( my bro’s term) like everyone else. Well I don’t know who these everyone else happen to be, but When I have an asthma attack and can’t breathe everything stops. Just how am I supposed to suck it up with that? And I have diabetes that is very difficult to manage. For 2 days in a row my sugar has gone so low I was heading for a coma. Again, how do I suck that up. I won’t go into my other disabilities but they also impact my life to a great extent, and there are many days I am almoast nonfunctional, and still I have to care for Dad. We live out in the country so are isolated. But I don’t see how we could possibly take on the extra burden of my mother. Half the time I can’t evven take care of myself. My husband has put his foot down and said no to it. My bro and Wife tell us we are essentailly causing my folks to be divorced. This is such a mess, thank God for His mercy and grace.

But am I wrong in declining to care for Mom too? I feel guilty. And just to let you see the whole picture, I am also bipolar 2, hypomanic, ADHD, OCD, and PTSD, with several sleep disorders, migraines, fibromyalgia, GERD, and cognitive deficits due to brain damaged from medication. I have had to give up all my volunteer work and now do some work at home for charitable causes, like knitting/crocheting caps for newborns and knitting/crocheting afghans for our wounded veterans. I have come that close to being committed against my will to our local psych ward. What am I supposed to do. I’m trying not to feel guilty. We all need prayer desperately.

And Dad is a great guy, and we try to give him a good quality of life. Prayer please.


#2

What a terrible predicament you find yourself in, and I pray you are given the help you need at this very difficult time. I feel so badly for you and will keep you in my thoughts and will pray for you at Mass today.
God Bless,
Paul


#3

Thank you, thank you, your prayers are so needed right now. My husband called my brother and wife so that my Dad could find out how Mom was doing, and my S-I-L is intimating that they are going to dump Mom in a nursing home somewhere around here. Can they do that? Without our consent? I don’t dare call my therapist and tell her what’s going on because she’ll commit me. At the same time I’m terrified that I’ll lose the tight grip of control and go off the deep end. My dear hubby already has so much on his plate - he does his own laundry, most of the errands and running around (other than appointments which are my bailiwick, all the finances, 99% of the cooking, half of the dishes, helps me change the linens, and works full-time in a job that does not pay much. And we’re both 62. Some retirement. We have no friends here because this is a very cliquey area, and after 6+ years of trying everything I could think of and everything I’ve read about I have given up trying to make friends. My friends all live in other states. They’ve even put Dad in hospice to try to give me some relief from the strain. Now because I have so much to do to keep this house running and handle all the health crises and care for Dad, I have nothing left for me. It is exacerbating my amnestic episodes and I am forgetting to take crucial meds, like for my diabetes. I’m not getting proper rest and I fall asleep during the day - what happens if I fall asleep while driving, and i have done that. Allmost killed myself. Not on purpose. I finally had to call our parish office to try to ifnd someone who could take me to and from my long-overdue colonoscopy.

I can’t believe this is happening. My bro and S-I-L profess to be Christians - is this the way a Christian acts? I left the Church for 20+ years, came back as a revert bringing my hubby with me as a convert. Praise God! And my SIL has her careeer in managing nursing homes, and they’re doing this to Mom and us? We know nothing about all the myriad things that are involved and I can’t begin to understand it. I am brain-damaged and certain things no longer function. What do we do if we suddenly find my mother has been put into a nursing home in this area? Is there any legal recourse to prevent this? We couldn’t just ignore her! Right now my brain has shut dopwn to the point where I am having trouble thinking clearly. I am going to dole out my night meds and my 2 morning meds so they’re ready, and then I’m going to give the the rest into my husband’s safekeeping - it’s the only thing I can think of to keep myself safe for the time being. I know that the Lord is there for me, but on the other hand I’m only human and very much damaged at that.

Thanks for listening and for the prayers. At least I can talk to someone who understands where I’m coming from. I feel my faith is strong but my brain and body are weak, and my brain malfunctions. Bro and SIL (a nurse) know about my problems but don’t care and don’t want to hear, and I resigned myself to the fact that they don’t love me. Of course, there’s always the possiblity that my blood sugar will fall way low during the night and I won’t wake up in time. So far I’ve managed to prevent that. Thanks again.


#4

From today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

Psalm 19 (20)
Prayer for victory

May the Lord hear your prayer in the day of tribulation, may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
May he send you help from his holy place; from Sion, may he extend his protection.

May he remember every one of your sacrifices and find merit in your burnt-offerings.
May he deal with you as your heart desires and bring all your plans to fulfilment.

We will rejoice in your saving help, we will raise our banners in the name of God; may the Lord grant all your prayers.

Now I know that the Lord keeps his anointed one safe: in his sanctuary in heaven he hears his prayer, and lends the support of his strong right hand.

Some put their faith in chariots and some in horses, but we invoked the name of the Lord our God.
They stumbled and fell, but we rose and we stand upright.

Lord, keep the king safe, and hear our prayer whenever we call upon you.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be,
world without end.
Amen.


#5

Praying very hard for your intention!


#6

Mucho thanks guys. I am feeling much better this morning; joy comes in the morning…"; it may not exactly be joy but I don’t feel the desperation I did last night. And I’m able to think clearly. So, to the best of my ability, I’m going to let go and let God. I found out this a.m. that my bro and SIL can legally “dump” my Mom here." And I know we’re in for some rocky times but we’ll get through them somehow. Knowing someone is praying for this is a great help. Bless you.


#7

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
AMEN


#8

prayers for you all…

kate


#9

Thanks to all your prayers I am now in a much calmer state, the peace of the Lord. With my bipolar disorder I never know when I’m going to go low, even w/ my meds. And when I am low I am essentially nonfunctional. Sometimes I cycle rapidly and sometimes slowly.

As to my own prayer life, I prayer to Our Mother of Perpetual Help, and I pray the rosary and chaplet of divine mercy daily. I am an Oblate of St. Benedict, but because of our present situation I am having extreme difficulty in meeting my obligations in this area. Many days I am unable to pray the Divine Office and I seldom study the RB or the Bible, although most days I do some sort of spiritual reading (holy leisure). I carry a small Bible around with me in my bag so as to snatch a few moments for that.During my years as a protestant I learned quite a lot of Scripture and with the help of a concordance I can go to verses of the Bible that I wish to study or use in prayer.

Another complicating factor is my diabetes. Yesterday my blood sugar stabilized for the first time in 3 days. The previous 2 days I became so hypoglycemic I was nonfunctional (extreme weakness, shaking, confusion, dizziness, nausea, fear, headachy, trouble breathing, gray-outs and near blackouts). Usually this is combined with an anxiety attack (I have chronic anxiety disorder). I literally was unable to do anything for myself or my Dad other than stay in the recliner next to him. The terrible stress I’ve been under was a contributory factor in this. And my orthostatic hypotension means that even though I am careful when changing positions I get dizzyness and sometimes nearly black out. OK, now with this mix, which is only a part of the picture, I must take care of my father and myself. When hubby is home (bless him) he is able to do at least the absolutely essential things that have been left undone. Because he does so much already he can’t really do much more because there aren’t enough hours in the day and days in the week.

Now, I am trusting in the Lord to see us through but I still have anxiety attacks amd serious memory problems. So how am I supposed to take care of another person who is esssentially an invalid with serious cognitive and senile changes when I have already more than I can handle. When I try to do more anyway I end up flat on my back. Did I mention I have a bad back?

If we could afford it we’d have someone to come in weekly and do housework but we can’t. I am having to take my social security early because we have to have the money, and we make too much for me to qualify for disability, even though I’ve been disabled for many years. My husband needs to work until he can get the maximum SS benefits. As it stands now, with the overdue compensation for about 5 months of Dad’s expenses we’re another couple thousand dollars in debt. So instead of being able to dig ourselves out of debt we get further in debt. Oy!

And it bothers me that I wish from time to time that my nother was dead so we wouldn’t have to go through all this. She is essentially someone else than my mother and also we ar at loggerheads when we get together. I hate having these thoughts and I give them over to the Lord when they come. And because my own mental functioning is damaged I have bouts of confusion and inability to figure things out. Yeah, I’m a mess, and the whole situation is a mess.

So it goes. I pray frequently but with everything else on my mental place it doesn’t allow me a lot of prayer time. Every couple of weeks we go out to Mother Angelica’s Shrine. And that is so wonderful. I wish I would never have to leave.

Now that it is after 4 a.m. I am going to try to get back to sleep, having awakened about an hour ago. I beg your prayers and am comforted by them, really a big help.

Love in St. Benedict,
Bonnie


#10

Prayers promised.


#11

Dear St Anne
Watch over this family and protect them from evil. Pray they have strength to handle the situation at hand and to assist their aging parents.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
AMEN


#12

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
AMEN


#13

Rember That “I can do all through he who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13, Call for christs strength often, for you are small, you cannot do anything, But he who has created you has created a univers, he is the way the truth and the life, he will take your hand if you ask, and will get you through anything. God be with you and your family

Hail mary Full of grace the lor is with thee blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy mary mother of God pray for us sinner now and the hour of our death amen.


#14

Yes, I am definitely small. Most days this burden seems like a huge tsunami that is threatening me. The caring for my Dad is the wonderful part; I am caring for the Lord in his stead (whatsoever you do…) and the blessings are fantastic. It’s the having to deal with my toxic brother. He seems to be more and more violent and I am afraid of what he might do. He’s also 6’4" to my 5’7". The verbal assaults stay with me for a long time, sometimes weeks of replaying in my mind, thanks to my OCD. And in the past he has attacked me and is proud of it. There is no way I could go down to Texas with my father without having my husband along for protection, and he can’t take off from work, too undermanned. But now that several days have passed since the last episode I am calmer. If I can avoid contact with him, of any sort, I’ll be all right. And Dad is going through a difficult time not being able to see Mom. It is so sad, so heart-wrenching at times. I keep him busy but I never know what will trigger an upset. Today there were several.

I continue to thank the Lord for all your prayers. It can seem awfully lonely, on the human side, but I know Jesus is with me, and the Blessed Mother. I invoke her as Our Mother of Perpetual Help. And St. Therese is my patron saint; I like her “Little Way.” I am reading a book about that and St. Benedict’s Rule. And my confessor, a Benedictine, gave me some much-needed encouragement and help last week relating to my being an Oblate and having difficulty in keeping my Oblatino promises. So as Father Benedict says in his Rule: we begin again.

I am thankful also for my doctors and therapist and meds. I have temporarily gone on a higher dosage of several (all within the prescription allowances). I need to break the “knee-jerk” reaction to certain things, like jumping every time the phone rings because I’m afraid it’s my brother, and he’s calling despite my hubby’s instructions not to. I don’t want to be a prisoner of my fears because it also makes me my bro’s prisoner. Working on some of my erroneous types of thinking, like catastrophizing. I have a long way to go but I know I’m not alone. I am hoping to work things out so that Dad and I can go over to church on Tuesdays for Adoration; it would be a blessing for both of us.

I am also trying to focus on other things so as to not have this on my mind constantly. With Thanksgiving and a visit from our younger son and his wife this week I should be able to avoid the bad thoughts better. I now am going to take my meds and pray Compline and hopefully get a good night’s sleep. I keep all of those who pray for me in my own prayers. Today was a good day what with Mass and cooking up a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup.

Love in St. Benedict


#15

Prayer to St. Benedict

O glorious St. Benedict, sublime model of all virtues, pure vessel of God’s grace! Behold me, humbly kneeling at thy feet. I implore thy loving heart to pray for me before the throne of God. To thee I have recourse in all the dangers which daily surround me. Shield me against my enemies, inspire me to imitate thee in all things. May thy blessing be with me always, so that I may shun whatever God forbids and avoid the occasions of sin.

Graciously obtain for me from God those favors and graces of which I stand so much in need, in the trials, miseries and afflictions of life. Thy heart was always so full of love, compassion, and mercy toward those who were afflicted or troubled in any way. Thou didst never dismiss without consolation and assistance anyone who had recourse to thee. I therefore invoke thy powerful intercession, in the confident hope that thou wilt hear my prayers and obtain for me the special grace and favor I so earnestly implore (help for BJ’s Wife), if it be for the greater glory of God and the welfare of my soul.

Help me, O great St. Benedict, to live and die as a faithful child of God, to be ever submissive to His holy will, and to attain the eternal happiness of heaven. Amen.


#16

Things are continuing much the same as before, but I am feeling stronger now, except in one area, and it is that which has me worried. I am a diabetic and I have episodes of hypoglycemia nearly every day. The meds I am on for it are the only meds that are working on it, and my A1Cs have ocnsistently been good. I have tried every diabetic medication that has been made, and my present meds (Byetta and tolbutamide) are the only ones that I can take because all the others either didn’t control it or had unacceptable side efffects. Now when I go hypoglycemic I become incapacitated: nausea, extreme dizziness, graying out, shaking, body-wide weakness, confusion, tremors, and other nasties. It is making it very difficult to take care of my father sometimes, but he is very understanding, and if my hubby is not working then he pitches in until I have been able to raise my blood sugar sufficiently. In the last 6 days I have had a hypoglycemic episode on 5 of them, including Thanksgiving Day right in the middle of preparing the feast with my hubby. Our son and DIL were visiting so they also pitched in. I spent about 2 hours in a state of near total collapse.

Another thing that affects my ability to do things is my fibormyalgia (pretty well controlled now) and my bad back and my low blood pressure. If I am not confined to bed as happens with my back, I use a rollator to get around and it enables me to function sufficiently to get the necessary things done. There is also my asthma to contend with, and I could very easily find mysself in the ER having a nebulizer treatment. So lots of monkey wrenches that can be thrown into the works.

OK, now as I said earlier my brother and SIL want to “dump” mom on us; they are tired of taking care of her. With my disabilities I am hard pressed at times to take care of my Dad and myself (I most always put his needs ahead of mine). How am I to take care of Mom also (she would be in a nursing home). I have guilt feelings because at times, it shames me to say, I wish my mother would die so that we didn’t have that to contend with. I also cannot fly down to Houston because of my health and because I would be thrown into contact with my toxic bro and SIL, and that means Dad can’t go either because he cannot be left alone. He took a bad fall the other night; alone I cannot get him off of the floor, and thankfully my hubby was there at the time to help. Also if Mom were here I would have to stint on Dad’s care. As it is I get about 6 hours of sleep each night, sometimes less, and while my body needs more than that, I can’t do it because at times I have to get up to tend to Dad.

The stress of all this is causing my health to deteriorate. My anxiety disorder is raging and at times I have to take extra meds to get along. I have talked to both my confessor and my therapist about these issues.

O help! O Mother of Perpetual Help pray for us.


#17

Bonnie, keep in touch with us.
You have heavy burdens and I ask the Lord to keep helping you to carry them and to ease you of any that He can.
I will keep you in my prayers and Masses.
God bless you…Trishie


#18

Prayers comin’ your way…Ave Maria, gratia plena…

Peace,

Gail


#19

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen


#20

My surgery went well yesterday morning, spent most of the rest of the day in bed. Today the day didn’t start out well - 4 interruptions in 1 hour, took about 3 hours to complete an hour’s worth of work. But thankfully things did improve. Had to take a lie-down in the afternoon, still clearing anesthetic from my body. It really helped. The financial tangle is starting to get sorted out, but the confrontation with my bro is still to come, I hate having things hanging over my head like that, makes me very nervous. But at least this time my hubby will be the one dealing with it. And tomorrow we’re all 3 going to Mother Angelica’s shrine for adoration and ocnfession. Can’t wait as it is always refreshing, siritually and otherwise to go there. Now we still have to deal with my poor Mom in the nursing home in Houston.vvI’m hoping to get through to her on the phone tomorrow; she’s hard to get ahold of sometimes. Dad so badly wants to see her but still no progress on the permits to occupy for the place she’s supposed to go to next. St. Jude may be a good one to pray to for this. I try to help Dad keep his hopes up; he’s so afraid that one or the other of them will die before he sees her again.

I can’t thank you folks enough for all your prayers. I’m including all of you in mine tomorrow. What would we do without God’s grace? Where would we all be if we didn’t have him. With God on our side who can be against?


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