Hello everyone. This is a bit of a long story, but I will do my best to keep it brief.
First let me begin by saying that I am 17 years old, and my sister is 41. There is such an age difference, because my father had her from a previous marriage, and then once he married my mother, they did not have me for another fourteen years.
My sister and I have not always had the best of relationships. I suppose the age difference made it hard, but for some reason, I always felt that my sister was jealous of me. I remember being quite young (3, maybe) and glancing over at my sister who was staring at me with a look of such hatred. There were times when she would yell at me for no particular reason - I was not a bad kid, and I would never have done anything to hurt my sister. One time (and this is hard to forget), I remember my sister taking me and my niece (I have three nieces) out for a ride in a wagon when we were fairly young. About halfway around the block, my sister turned around and started screaming at me. I was scared to death and did not know what I did wrong. My sister has always hit me really hard on occasions, at first it seemed playful, but I could tell that she had such anger for me when I looked at her.
Well, regardless of all of this, I still wanted a relationship with her. But she never seemed to have time for me; her friends were always more important. Now, I know she had kids, so I understood how busy she was. But little to no contact with me, I personally think is really sad. So, in the summer of 2008, I wrote to her telling her about all of these feelings. I put it in the nicest way possible, while still addressing this sadness that I feel. She never wrote back to me, so my mom called her after two weeks asking why she was making me wait and she coldly responded "My non-response is my response." I was devastated and swore I would never talk to her again. But a week later, my niece called (she was 11 at the time) and said something to me that led myself and my parents to believe that my sister's husband was physically abusing my sister and that stress makes things worse for her. Well, I felt terrible about this and so I promptly called my sister up and apologized for my letter, even though I felt like there was nothing to apologize about.
Another year went by, and my sister and her family were sent to Japan (her husband is in the airforce). Contact with my nieces, who I am very close with, was slowly being cut off and I didn't know why. Other similar problems with my sister arose (too much to mention on here) and I had had it. I really lost my temper, which I probably should not have done. So I wrote another letter, and was honestly, pretty harsh. I addressed the whole conversation with my niece, and basically cut it off with her. I never heard back, and I went a whole year with no contact at all with any of them.
It killed me to not talk to my nieces, but for a while I felt like it was better for my health to not have anything to do with my sister, since she caused me so much grief. But after a year had passed, not receiving emails or phone calls from my beloved nieces began to absolutely kill me. I cried all of the time and could not sleep. It was horrible. So I wrote to my sister asking for contact with them again, but she wrote back and said that I was vicious and "spewed lies" and basically told me what a horrible sister I was. She said that no one would be allowed to talk to me until I apologized.
Well, I could not bring myself to apologize, but by the grace of God, since fall of last year, I have been in contact with them. I just started slowly talking to my sister through IM and eventually, my nieces began showing at least a little bit of interest in me. It is still tough; there are times when my sister is very cold, and when my nieces seem like they hate me and do not want to talk to me. I have three nieces and only one really contacts me.
This is very difficult. I know I have not been perfect in all of this and that I have made rash decisions, but there has been so much pain for me since I was little with my sister. Another thing that I might add, is that my sister has sadly left the Catholic Church. It is very difficult that I cannot even have that to share with her. Her husband (who is an awful person - he was physically violent with my father on one occasion) is a Protestant minister and has spread lies about Catholics to his daughters, which caused other problems for me in the past. My sister hates the fact that we are Catholic and she makes remarks every once in a while, which is very painful.
I ask for prayer for all of this. It is still so hard, even though I have gotten a decent relationship back with them. It is still very much lacking; and I still struggle with anger and depression about it. Please pray that if my sister cannot change, that I can change in order to accept the fact that it will never be perfect with her. I want to be able to love them without having anger or sadness in the back of my mind. Please pray. :(
I am so sorry that this turned out so long. There was just so much to address. Any advice if you have time would be wonderful. Thank you, and God bless.